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Love The One You're With

Love The One You're With

May 07, 2011

Guide to raising perfect children while keeping a grin plastered on your spouse's face.

I really love it when science catches up with what I always knew.

Despite being a modest sort of fellow, I would like draw your errant attention to a study that has been done in some country where people can afford to spend money and time on such important things other than on mundane stuff like hunger and poverty.

The case in point is parenting.

Considering that we have been at it now for close to a couple of 10,000 years, you would think that we would have got the hang of it by now.

Apparently not.

The new study shows that loving your spouse and paying attention to your marriage is more conducive to having your children grow up to be balanced, happy individuals
. In short, if you love your children, fix your husband a drink. Preferably wearing spandex.

I always knew this. Its like other things I know. Like that god died in 1546, in a landslide off the coast of Hawaii when he was on vacation with Venus, and his body was never found. One day they are going to dig deep enough and find that body and the world is going to go: Ah, Tys told us so!

But in regards to parenting, I believe that I am an expert. It comes from being in a position to observe. My wife does the running around, slapping her head in frustration bit, etc, while I watch and learn. As you are aware, in order for true wisdom, you need to distance yourself from the activity. The distance gives you a 360 degree perspective. Laziness also helps.

I have noticed that today's parenting is mostly what has been aptly termed; by the same people who gave us 'window of opportunity', 'weapons of mass destruction' and 'misunderestimate'; as ‘helicopter parenting’.

This is where the said parents hover around their child/ren, ensuring that they are safe, protected, loved, isolated, bubble wrapped and made ready to face the world.

According to the study this raises a generation of adults who are neurotic, selfish, anxious and depressed. I know it sounds like the general description of a normal human being but this can be changed.

How you ask?

By loving your spouse. This creates an environment of a stable loving relationship that provides a nurturing ground for children who watch and learn the values and ideals of human interaction and relationships, which is what living in a society really requires.

This is why people in Bombay are loving people. ( Note that I didn't say Mumbai, and I wont be out there trying to kill you if you prefer calling Thiruananthapuram, Trivandrum.)

In the majority of Indian homes, which consist of a single room, parental loving is a disturbing reality for the children. So we grow up, wanting to barf at the mention of sex due to the memory of our loving parents, but nevertheless, balanced and a shining role model of an ideal human being. This is also why we boast of the largest number of people who prefer to become celibate and god men. Nothing kills good old sex than your parents and god.

So, to all the parents out there, next time the ankle biter fails in his 1st grade exams, or falls and grazes his/her knees in the playground; drop everything, grab your spouse and kiss them like there’s no tomorrow.

This is what the world needs now. If not for us, lets do it for our children. 

24 Comments

  • Mr. Money To Burn
    By
    Mr. Money To Burn
    18.12.11 10:08 AM
    Harry,
    Why so irony impaired? What is it with you and lavatory references? First, you say I am full of shit. Then you challenge me to a pissing contest. Then, you make a soiled innerwear analogy. Re-lax!

    What do you want exactly? An apology? Does my arrogant display of riches make you feel inadequate? Here I am feeding my lion, and playing on my diamond-encrusted Playstation and there you are trying my patience with chump change, $100 bets. There is only so much I can take! (Haha! See what I did there again)

    I would use original jokes with you, but you have trouble grasping the existing one, already. Maybe I am rich and have boob-autographed far more than you ever will, but that's no reason to feel bad. Stop trying to amass people who will massage your ego and come up with more authentic dick jokes, like the last one.

    I know a good irony counselor, I think you should see him.

    Delightedly,
    Mr. Money To Burn.
  • HARRY
    By
    HARRY
    18.12.11 03:31 AM
    @mmtb
    No window seat for me on the ship then, I guess not, You know what you are funny dude, I haven't stop laughing since I read your post. I think you should do comedy instead of this.

    mmtb you are like a rapper, who thinks he is bad, that's why you like bullying girls on this site, I bet you $100 they will whip your ass any day.

    I see that you are fan of Kim kardashian, me too( I don't like her ), I like her ass, so your theory about me being gay, goes down the toilet dude.

    I think, I will start using Harry potter as my name from now on, very original dude. Is this the best you can do ?.

    Come on my fellow KEYBOARD WORRIER you can do better than this. I think I am ready for the pissing contest with you. Let me ask TYS if he wants to join in.

    PS If you were really smart you would have had figured it out that, small dick syndrome doesn't exist, it's only a phrase people use in north of England. But you really believed it didn't you, Thus calling me gay. You got lot to learn, which money can't teach you. But don't worry we will teach you.
  • Mr. Money To Burn
    By
    Mr. Money To Burn
    18.12.11 12:57 AM
    @tys My bad. When I clicked on this article it didn't show any comments, so I thought there weren't any. Which is why I found it so odd. But I see there are more comments here than a smut site with Kim Kardash's fully clad pictures. Again, my bad. The first line previously was totally pointless, like Kim Kadashian's fully clad pictures.

    @Harry Potter Look boy, as much as I like discussing my penial fortitude "at a length", it's not something I prefer doing with guys. So you can make judgements about my penis, if that's the kind of thing you're into. With due disrespect to your accusations, I'd rather be a computer borrowing, WiFi stealing destitute, than be someone who uses expressions like "two pennis rub together". And next time, try NOT TO SCREAM AT THE END AFTER BEING SO IMMENSELY GAY IN YOUR COMMENT!

    Tys, as seen in the movie 2012, rich people are totally gonna survive the 2012 doom because we are building mega ships. You can come with me - I'll save you a seat by the window.

    Oh, and Harry, if you must guess, it's 'billionaire'. That's what I'm totally not.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    17.12.11 08:37 AM
    @Pallavi


    A small twist to the version of God and Venus in Hawaii by Tys. I was in Hawaii in 1546 and in the same hotel with Venus and the God. To tell you the real story: In the romantic environment of the Hawaii’s sandy beach Venus stood back in awe when God’s grew bigger and bigger and exploded in to smithereens and then God just became all sand.

    You know God was so large and when he exploded it appeared like landslide. So there is no sense in digging deep.

    Now they will say Ah, Rajpriya had been there too.

    Ha, Ha.
  • Pallavi
    By
    Pallavi
    17.12.11 08:01 AM
    Lol :) will get around to it!
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    17.12.11 07:22 AM
    @Pallavi

    A small story:

    Germany’s autobahn system is an extensive network of limited-access freeways that can usually provide a driver with a speedy route from city to city. Today’s German autobahn system stretches 11,000 km (6,800 miles) across most parts of the unified Germany.

    Most travellers find long trips on the motorway strenuous and boring. This is why it is very important for motorists to take regular, frequent breaks. When you stop at a rest area to fill your tank, take advantage of the opportunity to rest and recuperate from the rigors of your journey.

    The "SANIFAIR" toilet concept is everyone’s guarantee for perfect hygiene every time you visit one of its WCs.

    Stefan, driving on an Autobahn decided to take a break. He stopped in the rest area and walked into the toilet. The first toilet stall was occupied, so he went to the second one. No sooner he sat down he heard a voice from the first stall:

    "Hi, how are you doing?"

    Well, Stefan was not the type to chat with strangers in highway comfort stations, and he really didn't know quite what possessed him, but anyway, he answered, a little embarrassed:

    "Not bad."

    And the stranger said:

    "And, what are you up to?"

    Talking about a dumb question when he was in a toilet!
    Stefan was really beginning to think this was too weird. So he said:

    "Well, just like you, I am driving east?"

    Then, he heard the stranger, all upset and say:

    "Look, I'll call you right back, there is some idiot in the next stall answering all my questions."

    Rajpriya

    I am the I---t answering your questions.

    Now have you found your hubby? Get the drink fixed and the foot massage, may be a nicer to the future.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    17.12.11 06:57 AM
    @Harry

    Hi, I hope while she stood back, did not laugh and say Hey Adam! I have seen much bigger ones?

    Just joking.
  • Pallavi
    By
    Pallavi
    17.12.11 02:25 AM
    Tys,
    Seriously man , the comments section is getting far too interesting these days! Btw that was not just a good article, it was profound. Let me go look for the hubby now ;)
  • HARRY
    By
    HARRY
    17.12.11 02:12 AM
    @Rajpriya
    Joke for you :- What did Adam said to Eve .........Stand back I don't know how big this grows to. :)
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    17.12.11 01:11 AM
    @tys

    one last point. A couple 10,000 years ago it was only biting an apple.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    17.12.11 01:07 AM
    @tys

    See you tomorrow. I've been ordered to bed. Tonight it seems it's unconditional. No request to fix a drink and don't need foot massage.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    17.12.11 12:59 AM
    @tys

    Oh! it does, but I thought if one means to profit, has to learn to please? then it could be pleasure.
  • tys
    By
    tys
    17.12.11 12:50 AM
    @rajpriya: silly of me...i was counting on that un conditional love bit...damn, it takes work doesnt it?

    @harry : off the coast of hawaai, around 16 feet.. U mite not recognize him, his wife had found him with venus...u know how that wud have gone. Landslide was, iam afraid, just a starter.
  • HARRY
    By
    HARRY
    17.12.11 12:43 AM
    Tys

    I like keeping distance from activity, but I get told off by wife. So this don't work for me, I wish it did.

    This is not a bad article for a pissed guy. How far do I have to dig to find god's bones and where do I dig ? As always nicely written.

    HARRY
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    17.12.11 12:21 AM
    FIX a drink no problem. Offer a foot massage that's even easier.

    But expecting nothing in return? Then how on earth can have any thing to raise and them balanced?
  • tys
    By
    tys
    17.12.11 12:16 AM
    @neelam : if it werent for the constant headaches women seems to suffer from, the foot massage wud have been a mandatory requirement of being a man, like shaving.

    Come to think of it, the foot massages doesnt seem to help the headaches either. Ever heard of aspirins?

    Aspirin. The only thing that stands between a great new generation and a dumbstruck man.
  • Neelam Kamdar Bhamani
    By
    Neelam Kamdar Bhamani
    17.12.11 12:07 AM
    Right on!! The only thing wrong is your one-sided interpretation. It's about time the dads fix the drink and offer a foot massage (expecting nothing in return) to do their bit in raising balanced and happy children.
  • The NRI
    By
    The NRI
    16.12.11 11:28 PM
    @Harry – I can understand that the humour is not to your taste. What is more difficult to comprehend is ‘following’ someone you don’t like, only to tell them you don’t like them.

    I do not want to discourage you from commenting here, and you usually have an interesting perspective to offer. However, you must accept that not every post and comment will be to your liking, much in the same way that other readers will be highly offended by the language you just used in your comment – even if they agree with your stance.
  • tys
    By
    tys
    16.12.11 11:23 PM
    damn man. Isnt anyone going to tell me what a wonderful and insightful article i penned in my drunken trance?

    The comment section is now a days becoming more interesting than the articles. Now where will poor writers like me who goes under the delusion of being awe inspiring go?

    Harry, my man, mmtb is a personna. And i think he is intentional and that is a great source. We are all such personnas. A writer needs to stand from a spot to be heard, otherwise he/she risks the embaressment of being unheard.

    But enuf said, i am already ruining a good joke.

    But i do think ur comment and ur thoughts will be the right challenge he will have to consider when he writes and i think he is up for it.

    Rock on harry. We all need our nemises to feel alive.
  • HARRY
    By
    HARRY
    16.12.11 11:08 PM
    To NRI Team
    I appologise but his jokes are as funny as dirty underpants and I don't like them either( there are people who pay for this and also likes it ). Sarcasm is lowest form of witt. This is not funny.
  • The NRI
    By
    The NRI
    16.12.11 10:43 PM
    @Harry - I think you have gone a bit over the top and totally misinterpreted mmtb (despite his earlier comments on other posts). His comments are meant to be tongue in cheek. Granted this may not be your idea of humour but Tys (the author) has received the comments in the right context and replied accordingly.

    FYI mmtb will soon be penning something for The NRI. I will ask him to asterisk every joke lest someone takes the comment at face value:)
  • HARRY
    By
    HARRY
    16.12.11 10:17 PM
    @mmtb
    I think you are full of shit. A true millionaire will never brag about his wealth. It's only half full pots that shakes not the full one. I personaly think you have small dick syndrome. This is when a guy pretend he is big by inserting an item in his pants but in reality he is still small. SO STOP PRETENDING THAT YOU ARE RITCH. AND IF YOU ARE GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

    I think you are one of those individual who may not even own a computer and using one in the public place (borrowed) and probably stealing internet connection from somebody else too. In reality you don't even have two pennies rub together and you are a skint flint.

    I promised NRI TEAM I will not engage in this sort of situation but in your case I will make it allowance. By writting elaborate does not make you clever but in your case it's making you look stupid.

    IF YOU GOT SOMETHING BETTER TO SAY THEN SAY IT OR OTHERWISE FUCK OFF. THIS IS THE ONLY THING I AM GOING TO SAY TO YOU.
  • tys
    By
    tys
    16.12.11 09:24 PM
    @mmtb: you are rite..no comments..hmmm damn..it had all the elements to attract the mob...sex, mumbai being called bombay, child rearing, marriage, adultery..damn.

    a mansion seems like the ideal solution to the childhood trauma induced by watching parents having sex...

    but iam curious...will you have only one affair? Considering the mistress is now in the pool...then the whole thing is intended only for a singular purpose...considering that the venue is still intact, might i suggest a tunnel from the east wing bedroom to hugh's mansion and to alter the pool into a crocodile tank..

    brilliant, dont u agree?

    think of the crocodile leather business...

    I think i just made you another couple of billions.

    i did wonder about what seemed to be a meteor last night...so it was you, entertaining yourself..

    oh, you rich folks!
  • Mr. Money To Burn
    By
    Mr. Money To Burn
    16.12.11 08:44 PM
    Mr. tys. How has this article not received any comments, yet?

    The lines "In the majority of Indian homes, which consist of a single room" and what followed, is a horrific, silent truth Indian kids grow up with.
    That's why I shall build a mansion so huge, that my future-mistresses and I will have an affair at the East wing and keep my bedroom and my future-kids' bedroom on the west. By the time my future-wife and kids come find me, I will be done and have her thrown in the swimming pool (hopefully with water in it). Perks of being stinky rich, if you will.

    On a lighter note, I bought two private jets and made them collide on purpose. It is fun! If you're not in the cockpit.

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