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Simply The Best

Simply The Best

June 07, 2011

Today I stand and I bow in worship to god’s greatest invention: women.

Today I stand and I bow in worship to god’s greatest invention: women. ??I have every reason to put my inflated male chauvinistic ego in the back seat with a pacifier in its mouth, for over the last few days I have been doing what a normal woman does almost everyday. Let me tell you guys, they deserve a standing ovation.

Let me assure all the men out there that I am not jumping ship and adopting a new politically correct stance. I am too old and too arrogant to ever admit I could be wrong. I will not apologize for me being a male. I have enjoyed its privileges and seen the hardship a lack of penis can cause (not personally, you wise ass). But the old adage is true: a woman's work is never done.

Currently the lack of a maid, who has gone back to her home country to reset the bones of her errant teenage daughter and her similarly minor husband, have given my wife and I added responsibilities. Earlier, the presence of this giantess who posed as our house help gave me adequate excuse to avoid any sort of bodily movement in and around the house. The maximum exertion I ever permitted was in my maximus gluteus when I shifted my derriere on the sofa to pick up my ever present glass of Jack Daniels, leaving all the nitty gritty details of the maintenance of the house, my comfort and my voracious appetite to my ever suffering wife and her side kick - the maid.

My fellow men, I too lead the envious life of coming home to a find a clean hearth, with candles burning, hot dinner on the table and my 3.5 version son fed, watered and tucked into bed. Ah! Those days! When I collapsed on the sofa; which had by now the contours of my behind molded into it, with my best friend JD in my hand, watching American families whose everyday life seems to be filled with wise cracks, smart dialogue and canned laughter. I observed with wonder why on earth my wife looked as if she has run the marathon. We had a maid after all!

Now that I am older and ever so slightly wiser, I understand that a maid is to a housewife what Robin is to Batman - a mere side kick. Most days I have watched with the expression of a monkey watching Michael Jackson doing the moonwalk, my wife setting right the undoing of our maid. Then the truth dawned on me; we are actually paying someone to give my wife something to do after she gets back from work. Our maid was equivalent of a personal trainer. She looked the part too.

So, in an odd way, my household was becoming a two timing one. Everything was done twice. First the maid will be told to do something, which she will proceed to do, the end result which will have to be rectified by the instructor. So, the dishes were washed twice, beds made twice, house cleaned twice....

Why did my wife keep this on? I have no idea. She’s a woman. They work in mysterious ways. My bringing this incredible observation to her notice would have resulted in my better half giving me a lecture on being heartless; where I would again resort to telling her that I am because she had stolen it; which would result in a raised eyebrow and then the maid and her would become thick as thieves for the rest of the day. Then it struck me. Women stand by each other. Since her side kick looked like the Incredible Hulk on a bad day, I decided to put my foot back in my mouth and keep silent.

Then, as you know, on a glorious day, cupid struck two kids and my maid was gone.

Being a gallant man, I could not bear the sight of my tiny wife doing all the work alone without the requisite help. This action, some cynics among you may falsely attribute to my desire to stay alive. I absolutely object to that.

Now I find that I have unknowingly slipped into the role of the disappeared maid. I create the mess which my wife clears and every ones happy.

Life is actually pretty good in a way. We spend a lot of time together and I have found that my wife is actually more interesting than the TV and that she is pretty patient when it comes to fueling my inflated ego by words of assurance on my housekeeping skills, while she sets about doing it the right way.

Women can multitask
. They really can. I have seen it and I am a believer. I have seen a phone call being answered, the object in perpetual motion (otherwise known as our son) being fed, dinner cooked, me being given a thwack on the head for kicking the cat; all at the same time. I bet she can rub her stomach with one hand in a clockwise direction, and rub her head with the other hand in anti clock wise direction while singing Lets get the party started simultaneously.

So, today I take this opportunity to salute thee, oh wondrous of all god’s creation. You truly are the best.

Can one of you tell me where I left my glasses?...please? 

6 Comments

  • HARRY
    By
    HARRY
    16.10.11 11:42 PM
    May i recommend another drink when watching wife does the cleaning apart from JD is MORGAN SPICE AND COLA .
  • HARRY
    By
    HARRY
    16.10.11 11:35 PM
    Monkey only realised, how important Michael Jackson is, when he had to do his own moonwalk.

    I don't think man will ever admit how great his wife is in million years, just in case her head does't fit through the front door.

    This is also like accepting silver medal in comanwealth games. This also can be defined as, there wouldn't be great women, if it wasn't for men like us, example RAM and RAVAN , POSITIVE and NEGATIVE and so on. So ladies don't forget this.

    Wouldn't you say TYS atleast we have accepted this, and that is a start.

    HARRY
  • tys
    By
    tys
    11.06.11 11:50 PM
    @maria: considering that i hve never got her any flowers or gifts , i figured admission of her superiority will be the best gift....yeah it also gets me tons of brownie points

    @ritu : now, why wud u want that? I think the world is too small for any more arrogent, egoist, chauvnistic pigs like me.

    @LUCKY: I know u meant well...thanks...but i really dont think iam incomplete without a woman...neither will i respect them becoz they are women..thats something everyone has to earn...be it any gender...otherwise it will be so sexist..dont u think?
  • LUCKY
    By
    LUCKY
    11.06.11 06:23 AM
    Smiles.

    Respect them - Man is incomplete
    Womens are still Womens are being Dominated all Over World

    Lucky ( NRI )
  • Rituparna
    By
    Rituparna
    09.06.11 10:16 PM
    Very well written. I wish more men read this. :-)
  • Maria
    By
    Maria
    08.06.11 03:28 AM
    An ode to your wife...lovely one Tys!

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