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Indian Men & Online Flirting

Indian Men & Online Flirting

January 18, 2012

Wearing a masque of anonymity makes Indian men even more agressive with white women.

When I first moved to Bangalore and started to socialize, the task of stopping a guy who was making a move on me was actually quite a fun and simple task because it was always done face-to-face and I had my friends around me for backup just in case they were needed.  Like most women, I am never mean or rude but I don’t waste time dilly dallying around the point either because all I want to do is get away from the man who is interrupting my night and return back to having fun with my friends.


But something changed recently.  The face-to-face guys have been defeated by the cyber guys who outnumber the face-to-face men in town.  And MAN are they aggressive!

I’m sure that online hunters exist in other countries too but in all my years I have never been hit on online until I moved to Bangalore - never even once that I can recall - so this is the only experience I have so forgive me for singling out the Indians.  Cyber guys combine the inexplicable over-confidence of today’s Indian man with the aggressiveness and persistence that is only gained through wearing a mask of safe anonymity – or in this case by approaching a woman through an email address instead of face-to-face.

This new channel came about a few months ago when I added a contact email address to my personal blog so the blog didn’t feel so one-way and I setup a Facebook page for it.  I am now basically accessible online to anyone, anywhere, 24/7.  For the most part, it’s lovely to receive mail from people all around the world who fell onto my blog by chance and either adore India, live here or did, or are moving soon to Bangalore and have a few questions.  But on top of those mails, I am now the recipient on average of 2-3 mails every day from Indian men asking me out on a date.

When I left the U.S. close to a decade ago to move to Europe again, the Internet dating thing was just taking off at full speed.  A dear friend of mine is actually a HUGE supporter of the Internet dating phenomenon and his stories of the processes and procedures and systematic approaches used to funnel down to “your perfect date” potential and then partner is mind-blowing to me.  First, I can’t get my head around how you can truly get a feel for someone without speaking to them, seeing them in person and sizing them up.  Their confidence and intelligence, their good looks and style, and the way they communicate…I just couldn’t do it online.

I think that Indian men employ online approach tactics more and Indian women are more familiar with being approached online because – from what I understand – arranged marriages are now a much more modern affair and the process usually begins with registering on selection and dating websites instead of with Moms and other family members using word of mouth.  There was an article a short time back on this topic here on The-NRI.com about how many times in India dating now starts online on sites like Facebook or through friends, read it here.

Whenever I receive emails with invites to go on a date or to connect on Facebook I always reply with a kind “thanks but I don’t make plans with (or connect to) people I don’t know but please introduce yourself if you ever see me around town … thank you for taking the time to contact me … take care”.  Yet so far in my experience in India that just fuels their fire and they come back trying to instantaneously change me.  I have received dozens of emails from one particular gentleman who wants to educate me and teach me new things and insists that I am going to be a better person if I take a chance and meet him and he simply won’t take no for an answer.  EXCUSE ME?  I am 100% positive that he would not be so arrogant and persistent if we were stood face-to-face and I had my friends behind me supporting MY CHOICE to say no.

I receive mails to my brush-off email telling me how I will be happier in a relationship than single, happier if I meet new people because my ‘don’t make plans with people I don’t know’ concept is limiting me and holding me back.  It’s insane.  This approach by the Indian guys I assume is their jazzy attempt to try to make me think “ahhhh, YES…that guy is right and I’ve been wrong my whole life”!!!  Come to Mama!

On a positive note, men in India do try all number of things online.  I really wish the face-to-face guys were even half as inventive because they would probably go much farther in making a connection with the ladies than simply by using tired pickup lines like “hey, where you from?” which is so, so, so generic that no woman could feel special hearing that as an opening line.

The three tactics I have observed most often by Cyber Dudes are:

  • POKE on Facebook.  I’m sorry but what the hell should a woman do with a poke? I see it, I click to see if I know the person.  I realize I have no idea who he is and so I delete the poke.  Not really sure what else to do.  To me, this is the most non-evasive and gentle of the Cyber Dude approaches.  It’s sort of like a wink or a smile from across the bar at a club.  If a women then winks or smiles back the guy can walk over and talk to her but if she does nothing then they will stop there and move on.
  • Private message on FB or the blog sites.  For me these messages just don’t work.  Typically they are full of lots of details about who the man is, includes his bio data, info about his family, about where he lives or why he’s reaching out.  And they always have invitations to meet up, ensuring me how compatible we seem from what they read on the blog.  These guys are actually really good about saying “okay, well take care” and only tend to write back once more but that’s it.
  • Email.  These are the hard-core cyber pickup artists in my opinion.  The majority of the guys who email truly insist that we are destined to meet.  They reply several or even dozens of times with a sweet little message one time then a long letter about where we can go and what they want to bring to the table with our meeting and our relationship.  It’s pretty wild.


With the Email guys, I have been too nice in continuing to reply to say “thanks but no thanks” and it reached the point with a few of them that I finally had to block them and add their email to a DND feature that catches them in my spam.  To me, “NO” means no, whether a woman says it to a man’s face at a bar, or on a date or even in these online worlds of flirtation and private liaisons. I don’t want to feel like the bad guy for having to go back time and again to a guy who doesn’t get the hint so I guess I just need to set up a one reply rule and just leave it at that…even if I feel a bit like a bitch for not replying, I think it’s the best thing I can do.

We all have comfort zones and things we feel right or wrong doing.  Where Indians feel more comfortable in the online social world, making plans with people I don’t know just feels wrong to me.  On top of that, I’m no dumb blonde and I know perfectly well that 99% of these guys are not actually looking for a spiritual, loving relationship with me. I’m a westerner in India who writes about going out and silly topics like moth balls and Sunday brunch.  Hell, if I were an Indian man I’d probably give it a go too!

Photo credit
: guystuffcounseling.com

70 Comments

  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    01.12.12 12:35 AM
    Where on earth is online dating without danger.

    http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/SavvyConsumer/story?id=2070115#.ULkPVoU5iRQ
  • Atheist Indian
    By
    Atheist Indian
    01.12.12 12:07 AM
    Nice article. Sometime back, a female friend of mine who is having trouble finding a match, talked of her horror stories in matrimonial sites, where she put up her profile. The experiences are eeriely similar.

    Although I can see why it would offend some people here though. The usage of the word 'Indian men' is a little too generalised. It would be like saying, "Why are Americans so stupid?" (a rather popular trope among Europeans and East Asians). It offends and appears to be a cheap shot, even when the sayer is purportedly trying to make a point (of highlighting the ignorance of many Americans for example).

    On hindsight, I am not surpised you are hit more in India than in other countries. Desi Indian men, like the Middle Easterns have rather limited sexual options, given the arranged marriage culture. So they end up bottom-of-the-barrel shooters. You wouldn't encounter this behaviour in countries where men have better and more options. Like Poland, for instance.
  • America Online
    By
    America Online
    13.02.12 10:12 AM
    Awesome article Angela. I totally agree with you. Women in India are not that into online dating, and men have long enjoyed the domination over women and so this has made them this way. I have got a couple of friends who will do anything to grab a woman's attention but they will never approve of their sisters dating or even thinking of having a boyfriend. So this thing has always been in their blood and is something that they can never be able to get rid of!
    But good to read something about 'Indian Men Dating'. Though i read about dating when it comes to Americans or Europeons and their behavior, but this Indian men Dating is something fresh on board and good analysis of their characteristics.
    Good Work!
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    12.02.12 11:12 PM
    @ Angela,

    When you write for NRI they will be read. You can not stop any one reading them or commenting on them. Unfortunately every one who reads you posts can not make comments that always please you.

    If you want to stop that's you wish. Don't make me responsible for your decision. Ever since you wrote you would not be reading my comments I have not made any on your post to you.

    Why would some information I addressed to Vinod hurt you any way? It's about a man who swindled his company to cheat a woman who was looking for real Love.

    It was actually supporting your post how men sitting behind a computer cheat innocent women.
  • Vinod
    By
    Vinod
    12.02.12 10:57 PM
    @Rajpriya: Thanks for that link.I read it and felt sorry for the victim.I was actually looking for an Indian in the news that you referred to, given the forum and article I am currently following!!:-))
    Thanks again!
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    12.02.12 10:52 PM
    yeah....such a pity :-( You've made me want to stop writing here :-(
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    12.02.12 10:42 PM
    @Angela there was no such agreement between us. This was not a comment on your post. It's about an online dating that went wrong elsewhere.

    You wrote you would not read my comments if I made any. This is an NRI forum. I am one. This information was meant for Vinod and not you.
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    12.02.12 10:32 PM
    @Rajpriya - I thought we had an agreement that you wouldn't comment on my posts? :-(
  • Vinod
    By
    Vinod
    12.02.12 10:12 PM
    @Rajpriya: I could not access the mentioned page.The time zone difference may have played the trick! We are 'naturally' late to read your newspapers!!:-)
    Thanks for the link!
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    12.02.12 09:28 PM
    @ Vinod,

    Here is a story far more serious than just Internet flirting.

    'I'm not greedy. I just wanted someone to love me': A woman's shocking story of her internet lover, who turned out to be a fraudster ... and married with a daughter.

    Read about in UK’s Daily Mail today. http://www.dailymail.co.uk
  • Vinod
    By
    Vinod
    12.02.12 02:18 AM
    I saw your new article about working with Indian men!You will discover what I mentioned earlier.The Bangalore men will appear more on your page to own up the credit you give.Then the responses would be more about Bangalore men and not Indian men!!!!:-) India is one country where 'Indians' are least populated!!!!Time will help you learn this country like how I am learning the currents and undercurrents of living here.
  • Vinod
    By
    Vinod
    12.02.12 02:14 AM
    @Angela; Your experience of living in India is so limited for you to use a general term 'Indian men'.The general perception I get about your article is more of one sided (obviously the life that you experienced).I was born and brought up in India before moving to the US.Still,India is the most difficult and exciting country to understand fully for her sheer diversity of everything.India is a patch work of multiple 'countries' and often many find the term 'Indian' less appealing than their statehood identity.It is much more than how southerners resent the yankees.
    Coming to the point - Stating 'Indian men' for all the negative experiences of yours may not be kindly approved by all but respect your freedom to narrate your experiences with the 'men you came across in India'.I missed the inverted comas for the word 'demonize'.Please excuse me for that. My appreciation of your article has nothing to do with my critical reviews.I enjoy reading your articles!
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    11.02.12 09:08 PM
    @Jaz - thanks for commenting, I giggled at the slap tidbit :-) And I agree that face to face bravado is nothing compared to online bravado...

    @Vinod - I just re-read my article and can't find one negative comment that might be viewed as my attempt to "demonize" Indians. Please come back with a reference or two. I was just stating fact and my personal feelings about the fact...
  • Vinod
    By
    Vinod
    11.02.12 09:00 PM
    @Angela; I do not have any qualms as an NRI, in you stating what you felt/feel about Indian men while being in India.I am proud to be an Indian while acknowledging the experiences that could possibly happen to a white lady in India.Most of the time I come here to read but not to post much in reply.
    I work in the scientific field and for me, most rules have exceptions! I believe that most Americans are 'color blind' in the sense that many decisions pertaining to someone is inherently decided based on color before even the meeting starts. I would not say that all Americans are racists because I know Americans who would defy my perception.If I intend to write about my perceptions of living here, my review would be incomplete if I do not acknowledge all the aspects of the topic for the reader to judge. Above all,any behavior,custom or attitude can be scientifically traced to a reason or reasons - be it country,people or individual. So when you write about Indian men,please do not demonize them because you may find a few 'demonic angels' too!:-))
  • Jaz
    By
    Jaz
    11.02.12 04:26 PM
    You know what Angela, I fully empathise with you and your experience of online communication. I am an NRI settled in the UK, of marriageable age and no need to tell you that my parents and relatives are desperately trying to find me the perfect husband via the arranged marriage route. Whilst I have nothing against this channel of marriage, I have a very strong problem with how intrusive and yes aggressive indian men can be, especially those who I have not even met but only 'getting to know' via chatting or emailing. My last experience is only one week old. After exchanging a couple of emails and 2 phone calls, this indian guy who has been living in america for 15 years suddenly finds himself bold enough to ask this burning and highly essential question in his opinion of....whether at 27 years old, have I ever had a boyfriend and whether I'm still a virgin. This is from a guy who I have never even met, can you imagine? Forget for a minute of the fact that no one is a virgin at 27 years old, words fail me and fall short to describe how shocked and disturbed I was at this question. Maybe he is right in his own way to ask this question whilst being hidden behind a computer. Had he asked me this in person, my hand would have met his cheek in an almighty smack!
  • AP
    By
    AP
    06.02.12 03:20 AM
    Angela being an expat of indian origin , i totally agree with you blog
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    02.02.12 01:50 AM
    @SJK - there is some problem with the comments on this post and I just now received the notice that you commented. I want to say thanks for taking the time to point out that I write on the positive side of Indian men too :-) I make the choice to put my "controversial" opinions and articles on the-NRI because they bring more interesting debate than my sugar sweet or vanilla ideas but I do get peev'd when people stab at ME personally instead of the topic (when they have no real idea who I am). So you just made my YEAR with that comment. Thanks :-) I live here for a reason...for the people. And 80% of my friends here are Indian men, which says a lot I think :-) Cheers!
  • Keri
    By
    Keri
    21.01.12 11:08 AM
    @Angela - Awww, I love you too. Glad I've been able to give you a good one-liner. New Year is going ok, hope it's going well for you too. I'm hoping to come visit Indian again later this year. I'll have to swing by Bangalore if I do. I'll keep you posted as I figure out the details.
  • SJC
    By
    SJC
    20.01.12 03:31 PM
    i think indian guys are prob a bit offended as we (well some of us) are well aware of the preconception of indian men as being repressed pervs, but angela posts positive things about indian men too (i just checked out her blog)....

    eg -
    http://angelacarson.wordpress.com/2011/07/20/men-who-play-cricket-are-hot/

    http://angelacarson.wordpress.com/2011/12/16/my-view-working-with-indian-men/
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    20.01.12 12:34 PM
    @White Bhabi - wow, you have it worse than I do but from what I understand Bangalore is much safer for white girls than other cities ...for which I am very thankful. And in all fairness, white girls are easier than Indian women but that's no excuse in my opinion.

    @Keri - where do I begin? haha I think I love you :-) I have the FB page for my blog but on my personal FB I don't connect to anyone I don't know so that is a pretty safe zone thank goodness. I wonder if the guys across the world are really shooting for a green card, I'd never thought of that!! haha Think I will start putting a disclaimer on my saucier articles that include your "this is a site about India" snippit! That was perfection, thanks babes. Hope your new year is off to a wonderful start x
  • Keri
    By
    Keri
    20.01.12 12:27 PM
    Hey Angela, it's good to see you're back to "causing trouble" with your articles again hahahahaha

    While I know you get way more traffic on your computer (for some obvious reasons), even I get messages from India at times. Being that I have a ton of Indian friends, I sometimes get FB messages from friends of theirs who live in India. Messages telling me how beautiful I am, how sweet my smile is, yadda yadda yadda, and asking me if would I give a poor (not necessarily literally) Indian boy a chance. At first, I accepted their requests b/c I thought it would be cool to have more friends in India. But then they started commenting on every picture on my page (especially if I'm wearing a salwar kameez) and liking every single status update I put up, no matter how stupid or non-applicable to their lives. And every time I would come online, they would ping me for a chat, and then try to ask me a bunch of sexual questions. Oh, and the marriage proposals, let me not even get started...needless to say, no one is getting a green card through me LOL

    Anyway, enjoyed the article (and responses) as usual. And to all those freaking out because Angela is picking on Indian guys again: yes, there are guys around the world who do this to women, you are right, but this site is about INDIANS, so what's the point in mentioning the others? If Angela was living in another country and having these same experiences there, she would probably be writing about THOSE guys. But, then again, none of you would be reading about her experiences as they wouldn't be about INDIANS. Makes sense?

    Have a good day everyone :P
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    20.01.12 12:16 PM
    @Vivek Iyer - thanks so much! And now I am curious and will ask my Indian girlfriends if they respond to pokes and random comments from strangers. I just go with the tried and true 'delete delete delete' system :-) And to answer your last question, it is definitely yes. But it is not about ME and I know that.

    @prakash - thanks for following up. How old are you by the way? :-) And I definitely will try your suggestion. In fact, my new year's article on my blog inlcuded my wishes for starting up with yoga (not quite the same but in the same family) so I am right in line with you. And I do appreciate the suggestion.

    @prashant - yes, it is a strange thing to experience and not something that is having a positive impact on me to be honest. I'm becoming much less trusting and less friendly :-(
  • White Bhabi
    By
    White Bhabi
    20.01.12 11:12 AM
    You're right. Men that normally can't talk to women (or at least not well) seem to feel empowered online. You mix that with the pervasive view that all white women are easy and you have quite a mess in the online world. I get all sorts of phone numbers and email addresses sent to me through my blog and elsewhere. It's just sad. I mention quite often I'm already married and living with my in-laws but they never notice that. Of course, I doubt they read it.

    It happens in public as well. Young men try to get as close to me as possible in the stores but never actually speak. I get followed when I'm shopping and worse. I've only had one man actually approach me and talk other than some police officers who tried to flirt once - but it's expected they would have more confidence.

    I think online though is less invasive than in person anyway. I'm not obligated to respond in any way and thus don't offend anyone with my looks of "wth." I think things will calm down as more and more of them figure out not all white girls are bedroom ready.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    20.01.12 10:54 AM
  • Gayathri
    By
    Gayathri
    20.01.12 10:26 AM
    No Angela, I don't want to imagine and upset myself more! :)
  • prashant
    By
    prashant
    19.01.12 11:25 PM
    I generally liked your blog articles and ustand your feeling that something which is not usual to you may look very diff in India where lot of guys are approaching you for whatever reason. You might be be getting the feeling of "being important" in India. Generally it is a wild goose chase for Indian men where "gfrnd/bfrnd" culture is not supported. Every country have some positive and negative points .. and Indian culutre where sex ratio is not balanced and girls are not so open in society is the main reason of Indian men weird behaviour with you.
  • prakash
    By
    prakash
    19.01.12 10:18 PM
    i know u are quite intelligent and u can easily mix ur marketing skills while writing blogs or giving reply to people answers.i really appreciate that and secondly it is a discussion only and it is not meant to hurt or tease anyone rather it is merely fun which u had always taken care off and as blog reader we should take care while replying
    Also i would like to share one thing that meditation is not very easy to do and get benefit out of that because very few people are able to do concentrate on it.
    although iam very young to give u any advice and i sincerely respect your age,your life experience because in indian culture we should consider every elder respectable and from my soul i respect you but there is a meditation called as sahajyoga and i suggest u please try it once ...plssssssssssssssss this is a humble request. thanks god bless to u always..............plssss dont take it otherwise.. waiting for reply
  • SJC
    By
    SJC
    19.01.12 10:06 PM
    i think its time we had a post about fair skin again.
  • Vivek Iyer
    By
    Vivek Iyer
    19.01.12 09:49 PM
    @Angela: Great article.

    What I particularly liked is the way you highlighted on how the "Poke" button is used (read misused). Adding to the lameness, as I observed from what happens with my female friends, is an excessive number of male "likes" on their very normal looking status updates. The obsessive ones go further to make rather silly one-lined comments. This could perhaps be called sexism too?! (Pun intended :P )

    Plus, seems like many Indian women (not singling out on anyone whatsoever...the woman reading this may well be different) enjoy this, because they reciprocate to the (silly) comments and likes. They may have never met the guys, making it all the more easier.

    And putting your case specifically, I think you'd get more attention than the "norm" based on your race?
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    19.01.12 08:06 PM
    @Isabel

    You said it. Most European white men get hitched easily to Thai, Vietnamese and Philippine girls. Those Girls want to get away from their poverty go the West for better living and support their families back home.

    Most divorced older and middle aged men find their wives in those countries.

    Rajpriya
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    19.01.12 07:57 PM
    @indianhomemaker - i agree that there is a divide between the respectable choice for a wife/husband and the kind of person that is desired.

    @Fatman - love the comment, thanks for the links :-)

    @Tys - you crack me up dude!

    @VST - thanks so much... but now that I know I can't have you it makes me want you more! ;-)

    @Gayathri - hehe, I have received MUCH worse mails but I didn't see them as appropriate for this site. You can't imagine!

    @Prakash - Thanks for the kind words. I guess I can only comment one way to your closing sentence and that is to say that there is no one way to live life, that is the beauty of our world. How boring would it be if we were all the same? I'm glad you are happy with your life but not everyone is meant to live it -- and I can't imagine giving up Champagne or lazy chillout sessions with friends. When it's time for me to settle down and change I'm sure I will. (and I can guarantee you that my life is very real)

    @Jayanth Tadinada - haha, thanks!

    @A. Singh - thanks for the comment. I like the idea of the top 10 list :-) I won't even have to write the article since the guys will have done that for me!

    @Isabel - did the article come off like I was bragging? Wasn't the spirit I wrote it in but fair enough. I'm a writer, I need topics to write about and this is definitely one part of my new life that has shocked the hell out of me at times. So I write :-)
  • Isabel
    By
    Isabel
    19.01.12 06:43 PM
    As a foreign woman I also get a lot of male attention in India. But I don't let it go to my head, nor would I brag about it. It's kind of like the white men who go to Thailand or other East Asian countries because the women there find them attractive... while back home they can't get a date. Not very flattering.
  • A Singh
    By
    A Singh
    19.01.12 05:57 PM
    For all the flak you have received for this piece, rightly or wrongly, it was worth it just for the dating pitches! I am with SJC. You have to admire the ingenuity of some of these guys.

    Guy 2 actually sounds like more of a revenue opportunity. Have you ever considered operating as a dominatrix? Just think, you could be beating the crap out of that guy (while simultaneously relieving your frustration from the online stalking), he gets his rocks off, and you get paid. Everyone's a winner!

    I don't know if I am on my own here, but I would love to read some of the other mails. Perhaps you could compose a blog post listing the 'top ten' akin to the recent Vote for you favourite Bollywood movie / soundtrack that was published. Then all the readers could judge which was the best. To top it all off you could mail the winner with a link back to the blog.
  • Jayanth Tadinada
    By
    Jayanth Tadinada
    19.01.12 05:50 PM
    @prakash: Are you missing a :p somewhere? Please tell me you were being sarcastic!
  • Jayanth Tadinada
    By
    Jayanth Tadinada
    19.01.12 05:46 PM
    @Angela, The emails are funny in retrospect but I know how you feel. If I have to represent Men (like a PR guy for the whole gender or something like that), I would apologize (while officially denying that they are real men!)

    @tys: I think he is Mallu too :p
  • prakash
    By
    prakash
    19.01.12 05:30 PM
    Hello Angela,Iam great admirer of your blog....you are educated,top executive doesnot mean that ur every blog will be acceptable,flirting is common everywhere across world u dont need example for this,may be if u have concentrated ur energy around doing good things like yoga,medidation,indian family system rather than sipping champagne on weekends,then u could have realized that whatever life u have lived was not real life.
  • Gayathri
    By
    Gayathri
    19.01.12 05:22 PM
    Oh my god!! Angela.. are these despos from India? Please tell me I am dreaming! I read the e-mails you received and Good lord! I felt gross, really! What were they thinking. I am dumbstruck. But then I loved the way you've put that up! I have become a great fan of you! Keep writing coz I am waiting to read more. :) Smiles!
  • VST
    By
    VST
    19.01.12 03:04 PM
    Wow! now that's an interesting article and a much more serious online encounter with a frustrated gentleman with good English as well. However, I do believe that these masked huMan beings who like to operate in secret, esp. those kinds we see rubbing against women in crowded buses (frotteurism), the sexual abuser, and every one who would fit into this framework, has a state of mind which is not usually geographically contained... these kinds lie also across the boundaries and a stalker as you have mentioned in your case need not be an "Indian" to do what you have claimed to have experienced.

    Finally just 3 things:
    1. Somethings do need a change and I appreciate your courage to fight back
    2. Remember that a Man who angers you, conquers you" so fight with a smile
    3. I don't intend to date you.


    VST
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    19.01.12 09:38 AM
    Evan Marc Katz - Dating Coach for Smart, Strong, Successful Women

    Guys across America are saying, “Hey, babe. You’re not important enough to get five minutes of phone time. Please accept this weak form of communication and allow me to keep on sleeping with you.”

    http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/why-do-guy-send-text-messages-to-keep-in-touch/#.TxeHg0Y-n5V

    ---------------------------------

    Are you like a Tootsie-pop? - by Dating Goddess
    http://www.datinggoddess.com/are-you-like-a-tootsie-pop/#more-4990
  • tys
    By
    tys
    19.01.12 01:21 AM
    guy 3 is a mallu!

    selling urself along with ur culture...nice touch.

    what r we without our kathakali, sadyas , onam and kovalam?

    damn ... i think i will go and sleep now
  • Fatman
    By
    Fatman
    18.01.12 11:20 PM
    Again, in defense of perverted sex-starved Indian males-

    You see, dating is a fairly foreign concept to the people here, especially the ones in second and third tier cities. Before cable channels airing English movies, the only "dating" happened in front of one's parents, while they were busy contemplating which kidney to sell to get the dowry money.

    Which is why we are fairly clueless about the etiquette required when approaching women. Also why us men prefer online interaction over face-to-face interaction. Coupled with our less than fluent English, it isn't hard to see why we set such embarrassing examples. An appropriate visual metaphor - Govinda trying to do a Michael Jackson(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZiXFkecxGLE)

    And it isn't just us Indian men either. Women too are equally inept at approaching men. It's extremely rare, the initiation of flirting through private messaging by women, but it happens. They used Raksha Bandhan as a surrogate for Valentine's Day before the latter was commercialized and we started watching FRIENDS. It was weird.

    I think tweaking the privacy settings of your facebook, removing superflous 'friends', and being more careful while disclosing your email should take care of most of your problems.

    Here's hoping you don't have to write an article again that basically boils down to "Hey, Indian guy, you. yes, YOU! WHATS WRONG WITH YOU?"
  • SJC
    By
    SJC
    18.01.12 10:40 PM
    i think #1 sounds pretty normal. i liked how #2 wrote 'ohhh!!!' (even if it does sound a bit ejaculatory, which prob isnt too good for a first contact). guy 3 sounds a bit quiz-master/spam-email-y. but thats also just to do with indian english. i respect these guys though. to secure a date, they will battle all linguistic barriers and think nothing of it. :P
  • indianhomemaker
    By
    indianhomemaker
    18.01.12 10:18 PM
    Most Indian women face this kind of harassment on Indian streets in all parts of the nation. These are typically the kind of Indian guys who also object to their wives and sisters using the internet (or stepping out of the house/working/studying etc) to protect them from men like themselves.

    They learn about women from Bollywood movies and they believe a virtuous woman must say no, but can take serious offense when she does.

    They have confused notions of respect and love, the women they love (i.e. desire) they can't respect, but the women they respect are the ones they bully and abuse; and the women they love (but don't respect) they treat with resentment and something that looks suspiciously like awe and respect. This respect becomes stronger when she does not accept their 'frandship' request. Why respect someone who doesn't want to have anything to do with them? What kind of self esteem do such men have?
  • Writerzblock
    By
    Writerzblock
    18.01.12 10:15 PM
    I love Guy 3's message. So modern, yet so 'God fearing' ;-) ;-)

    My my... I love my India!!
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    18.01.12 10:00 PM
    @SJC - as requested, for fun here are a few emails I've received.

    Guy 1
    Subject: I feel a bit like a Stalker
    Hey Angela,
    So first i blog, then i say hi on LinkedIn and now here...
    No you have not acquired a stalker.. well not yet :o) Just interested to learn more about the 'you' and of Bangalore.. may be headed there !
    We also share some common ground work wise and,
    finally
    looks wise...?
    I'm tasty !
    Have a great weekend would be great to hear from you.

    Guy 2
    Subject: Hi Angela
    I am submissive guy from Pune, remember I sent you a message on facebook, wanting to serve you....thought may be we could chat if wanna know more about me...I know you must be thinking I am some pervert guy but believe me I am regular guy. Agree, I have some twisted-dark fantacies about a woman like you.......actually I have truly become a fan of you.
    You are socially and professionally successful woman and also matured, elegant, educated, classy and tall, blonde, good-looking.....ohhh!!! as I said, I always dreamed about following orders, serve and be collared by someone like you. I will do whatever you want me to do. I will always be loyal, honest and faithful to you. Please own me.
    Please Please do reply..I am waiting here anxiously. Please.
    Slave S.

    Guy 3
    Subject: hi
    you're interesting enough to ask for phone number, get and keep in touch, god willing :)
    Regards


    The one guy who was my favourite (as in memorable) actually offered to make me a better person and help start proceedings for an arranged marriage for my 16 year old duaghter!! haha What a keeper ;-) Here is just one of his dozens of emails:
    My Hearty Thanks to U Ms. Angela Carson, for yr communication.

    I wish to meet U , purely because, there are so many things / subjects .
    languages / Fine Arts forms, / Cultures, we can discuss.

    As I hv already informed you , I am a Mech Engr, witjh plenty of
    Exp, well - travelled, well - read, having good knowledge on
    many types of Cultural activities, , fine Arts etc.

    I travelled in India too.

    Perhaps you may get many topics to write on.

    And it will be a pleasure for me to meet a multy-faceted personality too.

    By the way, I wish to know about yr Biz., as I am in
    contact with some of the important Corporate leaders of India

    Me too in the habit of Project - Facilitation.

    Think off, if I will be of any use to U in developing yr type of Business.

    I never visited the places U stated .

    Have U been to somewhere at Koramangala, Forum, Garuda Mall etc ?

    Hv u tasted South Indian Food ?

    Hv U seen Bharata Naatyam ? ( a classical form of Dance )

    Hv U seen Kathakali ( a devine, interesting colourful Performing Art ? )

    Hv U ever tried to read The Bahagavat Geetha or Raamaayanam ?

    ( These are Books, by reading which, you will learn how to behave,
    how to respect elders, how to interact with all sorts of persons,
    And how to manage things very effectively & impressively etc etc. )

    Hv U come across such persons who will be able to teach
    U about similar subjects ?

    Hv U heard about the original, genuine Ayurveda massage, by means of
    which you will hv rejuvenation of both mind and Body for a long
    time and you will hv a shapely and relaxed body for long years

    Or is it that U hv moved only around Bangalore only ?

    Hv U heard of Capt. C P Krishnan Nair, who is now the Chairman
    of Leela - Kempinskey Group of Super Delux Five Star Hotels ?
    He is 90 yrs but still quite active.

    There are many things to learn for young enterprenuers fm him

    He is a good friend of mine.

    If U hv time, I hv plenty of things to make U understand.

    There is no harm in talking to me , whenever it is convenient to U.

    Wishing U Best Wishes always, and in all yr efforts

    If U R convinced about my innpocence, pl give me yr
    Mob. No, so that I can tell U many things, only when
    U R free to listen

    yr well - wisher

    Pl do write back
  • SJC
    By
    SJC
    18.01.12 09:39 PM
    actually, a friend of mine sent me an email she got from a guy she has never met who found her on some asian 'networking' site and it was a bit weird, as it was a slightly over the top and tactless ('we both know why were here... i think we could have a good time... im a nice guy....') but at the risk of condoning e-harassers, i dont think he meant any harm, he was just a bit blunt. but he was just trying his luck. these guys probably email scores of women, thinking that one will respond positively, which will make it worthwhile. as long as theyre not being obnoxious, i cant knock that too much. theyre just going by the law of averages ;)
  • SJC
    By
    SJC
    18.01.12 09:32 PM
    q - would you really respond better to these guys if they came up to you and said what they do in their emails, but face to face? personally, id like to see what kinda stuff they write. me personally, i applaud these guys for their persistence. you dont ask, you dont get. (they might be taking this a little far, admittedly, but, no ones perfect). also, i thought email propositioning would be easier to dismiss than face to face, all you have to do it hit 'delete'. at least theyre not following you down dimly lit streets after work.... or are they? lol.

    i love the sarcasm in the comments btw. the web needs a sarcasm emoticon.
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    18.01.12 08:02 PM
    @Jayanth Tadinada - yeah, I have no freakin' idea what to do with the pokes but it looks like they are here to stay!

    @Neeraj - thanks :-)

    @Fatman - I wish I could generalize about men in other countries but on THIS TOPIC, I have nothing to work off of. I was never hit on online in the U.S., Mexico or Europe where I lived before moving here 8 months ago. Never once. So I can appreciate that it seems like my article is "generalized drivel" but in this case it is actually accurate and highly specific "drivel" because I don't know any better. Sorry. BUT, I honestly do appreciate your feedback about the title and if I had just changed a word or two it might have softened it a bit, thanks. I will keep that in mind for the future.

    @Mr. Money To Burn - I have writeen over 110 articles about India and Bangalore specifically since moving here 8 months ago. You reference 3 of them... please try reading as many articles on other topics before commenting again on ME as a person. It's a pretty douchy move to do what you've done to a fellow The-NRI.com writer. We don't tend to do that here to each other FYI...

    @SJC - I add to your comment the idea that it's not just the men :-) I'm sure there are floods of women doing the exact same thing all around the world too :-)
  • Writerzblock
    By
    Writerzblock
    18.01.12 07:44 PM
    Ha ha, did you mean muahahahahaha or buahahahahaha ?
    The effects of a misplaced letter too ;-)
  • Mr. Money To Burn
    By
    Mr. Money To Burn
    18.01.12 06:12 PM
    Writerzblock, generalization was my own sarcastic initiation. I didn't blame that on you. 'All' was my bad. See how much difference misplaced words can make?

    I agree. Enough sarcasm for one day. I'm feeling the effects of my own poison darts. Some other day, some other article with fresh annoyance. Until then... muahahahahaha (he flees into darkness).
  • Writerzblock
    By
    Writerzblock
    18.01.12 05:42 PM
    @ MMTB:

    Writerzblock generalised that 'ALL' Indian men were perverse and pathetic??? I must have pathetic communication skills then, as I was 'attempting' to refer to 'those anonymous harassers'.

    Sarcasm is not a bad thing in itself, but too much of it can get nauseating!
  • SJC
    By
    SJC
    18.01.12 02:46 PM
    ummmm pretty sure this is just men all over! the net allows men who wouldnt be brave enough in real life to say things they otherwise couldnt.
  • Mr. Money To Burn
    By
    Mr. Money To Burn
    18.01.12 02:29 PM
    Angela Carson, it’s hard not to “dig into” YOU when you have an article full of ME, I and MY LIFE written in it. If you choose to include personal experience in an article - on pretty much the same topic recycled from different angles - which is published publicly, opinions will be given on the same. Surprising how you didn't know that like most writers.

    Untrue assumptions? Which one? Ignorant as it is to say I learned about someone's culture from their movies (Bollywood in your case), you go as far as saying you thought that's how Indian men are. Jest? okay. Then, you continue to degrade men in article after article, while maintaining an air of superiority.

    How about the very title of 'Why Do So Many Indian Men Cheat?' Opposed to what? The so few western men who cheat? How about just calling it ‘Why do Indian Men Cheat’ and controlling the condescension you clearly harbor towards men, let alone Indian men.

    You pretty much covertly keep insulting men and get worked up if someone doesn’t agree with your reasons? It's okay. You have an opinion, everyone does. But to get riled up about it like your judgment is supreme, is unfair, don't you think?

    Clearly, you're uncomfortable with this discussion, so I'll proceed to the distraction you suggested.

    Value adding comment on topic: women enjoy every bit of attention they receive through online flirting. But as an imbibed feminine habit, complain about it, only to graciously show off how popular they are with the opposite sex in a transparent attempt to seek more attention by talking of the attention already sought.
  • Fatman
    By
    Fatman
    18.01.12 12:52 PM
    Oh come on, cut us perverted Indian males some slack. For centuries we've been oppressed, repressed, and hence, depressed. White women, on the other hand have just been...pressed.

    Hahahaha.

    No, but seriously. You could've made the same point with the sub-heading

    "Wearing a masque of anonymity makes men even more agressive with women on the internet."

    But instead, you went with

    "Wearing a masque of anonymity makes INDIAN men even more agressive with WHITE women."

    And the moment you did that you implicitly implied, albeit unintentionally, that INDIAN men are somehow pre-disposed to creepy behavior more than their civilized non-INDIAN counterparts, and that WHITE women are more likely to get harassed than the less desirable non-WHITES.

    Which makes it offensive. It's not because your intentions were bad(they weren't), but because your words were poorly thought out.

    So don't point fingers at the money-to-burn for making assumptions about you when your own article is badly written generalized drivel.
  • Neeraj
    By
    Neeraj
    18.01.12 12:29 PM
    Hey i think every needs to chill.....id think everyone has a right to their opinion......just cause Angela has had certain experiences we cannot generalize Indian men and important sure by writing this article Angela was just sharing her experiences and was not generalising at the same time i can understand Moneybags reaction as if you read this article without knowing what a wonderful person Angela is , you could easily get offended .....anyway since all you guys write for this blog i think its best to live and let live
  • Jayanth Tadinada
    By
    Jayanth Tadinada
    18.01.12 12:24 PM
    Oh, I am not surprised at all that something like this would happen.

    A lot of college girls get annoyed in a similar fashion too mostly by fellow college mates under anonymous identities. I guess they grow up to become happily married types who stalk women like you on the internet!

    P.S: Why is that POKE feature still there on Facebook?
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    18.01.12 12:22 PM
    @Mr. Money To Burn - Wow! Seriously? You were insulting and commented on mostly assumptions, not facts. You dug into ME, your idea about me and even fabricated a couple of things about me. Above all else, you DON'T ONCE add value to the topic at hand. If you remember, online flirting was the topic of the article. Like most writers, I just use my personal experience as the foundation for the article. My suggestion is comment on the topic, not your co-workers here at the-NRI.com
  • Jaai
    By
    Jaai
    18.01.12 12:19 PM
    When did I say I liked it? Stop misleading people. And let's take this fight somewhere else. :/
  • Mr. Money To Burn
    By
    Mr. Money To Burn
    18.01.12 12:15 PM
    Jaai. The day you admitted reading and liking Twilight, I stopped taking you seriously.
  • Mr. Money To Burn
    By
    Mr. Money To Burn
    18.01.12 12:08 PM
    Angela Carson, thanks for the welcome. Most of what I write is fact driven and justifiable as I try not to make covertly derogatory and immensely ignorant statements like some of my co-contributors. My ways are rather overt. Fact driven, nonetheless. Congratulations on your numerous articles.
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    18.01.12 11:56 AM
    @Jaai - I see you've experienced it :-) Thanks for commenting, I really appreciate it. I pretty much write exactly what I think and my experiences and it bugs the hell out of me when people make up their own story about me as a person without bothering to ask if that is what I meant or how I am, etc. Thanks, have a super rest of the week!!! :-)
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    18.01.12 11:49 AM
    @Writerzblock - thanks for the two thumbs up :-) You have strong opinions, my dear! haha I really just find the whole thing annoying more than anything else.

    @Vinod - good idea! I orginally wrote this article after receiving the dozen mails from the older gent who was going to change my world (I then sent it to him). He didn't stop though and I eventually had to threaten him with going to police because he was becoming more persistent and even starting to talk about my daughter :-(

    @Rahul - thanks!

    @Mr. Money To Burn - Congrats on your first article recently on the site, welcome aboard. I hope you won't write ludicrous assumptions about all of your now co-contributors on the site....
  • Jaai
    By
    Jaai
    18.01.12 11:43 AM
    @MMTB: Although there is usually some degree of truth in your misogynist comments, I think Angela's just trying to illustrate differences here. You need to read this objectively-- I know it sounds hypocritical when you consider other things, but online stalkers can be quite irritating. They have nothing at stake. Women don't hate attention in general; we only hate it when we get it from not-so-nice guys.

    However, Angela, since blocking people online is so easy, I suggest you try that and not worry about it so much. It's quite obvious that these men aren't serious about even meeting up. Wait, that sounds anti-women, but wouldn't you say that to Obama if he was receiving such attention?
  • Mr. Money To Burn
    By
    Mr. Money To Burn
    18.01.12 11:04 AM
    *let's just overlook
  • Mr. Money To Burn
    By
    Mr. Money To Burn
    18.01.12 11:00 AM
    Angela, kudos for not being a dumb blonde and knowing EXACTLY what Indian men want. Not many blondes can do that - forgive me for singling out blondes, but you're the only blonde I know who can form legible sentences without too many misplaced 'like' & OMG's in them.

    As far as Indian men go, let's generalize. As Writerzblock pointed out, we're all perverse and pathetic. That's pretty much what you're subtly saying through this article, as well.

    When such judgment is passed, that must, undoubtedly, mean the judger stands on a higher moral ground with a halo atop their head. But, wait…

    Didn't you once write an article titled 'Why Do So Many Indian Men Cheat?' where, in the first paragraph itself, you drone about how you haven't been wooed Bollywood-style, yet (how did a woman like you ever have a dry spell – we die to court women through singing and dancing). Okay, let’s this overlook that as wishful thinking of a strong-willed, independent woman who is, by no means, seeking any form of attention from Indian men.

    Then, in 'Dating, Relationships And….shhhh….Sex!', where you had a complete dear-diary moment, you disclosed how many men approach you all the time (which, only morally strong women keep an approx count of, while hating the attention thoroughly) and how you went on a date with one of them. What you think passed off as an informative observation of an Indian gentleman's attribute, came across as a blonde reliving her High School cheerleader days - sorry for singling out blondes, but I've learnt about western culture from Hollywood movies, where all blondes are slutty cheerleaders. Forgive me if I'm wrong. Movies are the best way to learn about cultures.

    I understand. Women totally, utterly, completely hate attention. Who wouldn’t? Especially when it is received in such abundance – disclosed number of approaches being 40 to 50 consistently, in every article. Indian men are such bastards. So, where do men in the west meet women these days? Doesn’t that happen in bars and nightclubs - dimly lit, psychedelic places, where everyone is marginally intoxicated, feeling morally loose and ready to make bad decisions? WHAT A GREAT WAY OF MEETING PEOPLE! Indian men online are pussies. Your repetitive grouching is justified. Write another one.
  • Deepak
    By
    Deepak
    18.01.12 09:41 AM
    Well :) funny read :P
    it exists everywhere aren't they ?
    all over the world it happens irrespective of country and color too :P
    there are faking and cheating things with online flirting
    am sure India leads the score !
    -
  • Rahul
    By
    Rahul
    18.01.12 08:06 AM
    A nice read!
  • Vinod
    By
    Vinod
    18.01.12 06:32 AM
    I knew it could be Ms Carson again!!!Do you mind helping those men out there by sending the link of your article here...!
    I can tell you that many of them could be 'happily married' too!!!
  • Writerzblock
    By
    Writerzblock
    18.01.12 05:59 AM
    The moment I saw the 'title' of this post on FB, I knew who the author would be :-) Bingo!

    Nice article Angela, but scares the hell out of me, to imagine that there are so many criminals lurking around (I call them criminals because they are obviously harassing a woman, even if it is online!!)

    What can I say, this is a sexually repressed country...people say 'sex' is a bad word and it is taboo, however, they try every trick in the book, to get as close to it as possible, without getting caught!

    Like you rightly said, those guys are hardly looking for a meaningful or spiritual relationship...!! Perverse and pathetic!

    On another note, perhaps you should consider standing for election ;-)

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