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Dirty Harry!

Dirty Harry!

August 25, 2012

When Harry Met Vijay. The hilarious untold story of the naked Prince’s call to Customer Service. 

As you know, HRH Prince Harry was recently caught with his pants missing in a Vegas hotel. So, what do you think happened the minute Unhappy Harry realized that the royal jewels were on display to the entire world? Worry about grandma and the future of the British Monarchy? Not quite. The first thing he did was to make a call to the hotel’s ever reliable Lost-and-Found department. And as is true with all Customer Service calls made in the US, his phone call, originating from the Presidential Suite of The Encore Hotel in Las Vegas, was routed to a hapless Vijay Kumar in Gurgaon, India. Here is what ensued thereafter. 

Customer Service Executive, Vijay Kumar
: Encore Hotels and Resorts Lost and Found Department. This is Vijay speaking. How can I help you?

His Royal Highness Prince Harry
: I am calling to report some missing items from my hotel room! I’m in the Presidential Suite!

Vijay Kumar
: I will be glad to help you, Sir. Please can you give me some personal details first?

Prince Harry
: Ok, what do you want to know?

Vijay Kumar
: Your name, please?

Prince Harry
: Henry Charles Albert David.

Vijay Kumar
: Huh? Just your name, Sir, I don’t need the names of your friends and family members.

Prince Harry
: Oh blimey! That is my name. Ok, why don’t you just put down Henry Charles as the name?

Vijay Kumar
: Ok, Mr. Charles. Father’s name?

Prince Harry
: It’s Henry.

Vijay Kumar
: Your father’s name is also Henry?

Prince Harry
: I mean my name is Henry. Don’t call me Mr. Charles!

Vijay Kumar
: But your name is Mr. Henry Charles, no?

Prince Harry
: Yes. But I am not known as Mr. Charles. I am known as Prince…Oh, never mind. Call me whatever!

Vijay Kumar
: Should I call you Mr. Prince Charles, then?

Prince Harry
: For f**k’s sake! Call me Henry. Just call me Henry!

Vijay Kumar
: Ok, Mr. Henry. Father’s name?

Prince Harry
: Why do you need that?

Vijay Kumar
: Just a matter of policy, Sir.

Prince Harry
: Charles Philip Arthur George.

Vijay Kumar
: Sir…

Prince Harry
: Oh crap…I mean, Charles Philip.

Vijay Kumar
: Wife’s name?

Prince Harry
: Oh, bloody hell, why do you need that for?

Vijay Kumar
: Sorry, Mr. Henry. You don’t need to give that information if it’s of a sensitive nature. I understand that you are calling from Las Vegas and spousal information can be a sensitive topic for some.

Prince Harry
: There is no bloody wife, ok?

Vijay Kumar
: I’m sorry, Mr. Henry, for having brought up a sensitive topic for you.

Prince Harry
: Fu…! Ok, sure. Can I just lodge my complaint? Please?

Vijay Kumar
: Yes, Mr. Henry. What can I help you with today?

Prince Harry
: I am missing my pants and my trousers!

Vijay Kumar
: I see, Sir. But what exactly do you mean by “my pants and my trousers”?

Prince Harry
: I mean just that – I am missing my pants and my trousers! What is so difficult to understand?

Vijay Kumar
: Do you mean you are missing 2 pants?

Prince Harry
: No, my dear man, I mean pants and trousers!

Vijay Kumar
: But, Sir, don’t they mean the same thing? It’s like saying – I am missing a cellphone and a mobile phone. But that would simply mean – I am missing 2 cellphones, won’t it?

Prince Harry
: Cor! Pants, as in underpants, and trousers as in…pants, I guess!

Vijay Kumar
: Oh I see now, Mr. Henry. You mean you are missing your underwear and your pants. I am happy to help you with that. But first, I will need some details on the missing items.

Prince Harry
: What do you want to know?

Vijay Kumar
: Please can you describe your underwear in 100 characters?

Prince Harry
: 100 characters? Why 100 characters?

Vijay Kumar
: That is because we release this information to all our hotel employees as a tweet and a Facebook post so that it is easier for them to keep an eye out for the missing items. We have observed that no one reads notice boards any more. But they do check Twitter and Facebook.

Prince Harry
: Ok, I see. Very efficient. But why 100? If it’s a tweet, shouldn’t it be 140?

Vijay Kumar
: It could, if you didn’t want any contact information attached to that tweet. How will the finder know what to do with the items when he finds it?

Prince Harry
: Yes, yes, quite.

Vijay Kumar
: Thank you for understanding, Mr. Henry. Ready when you are.

Prince Harry
: Oh, ok. Let’s see. How about – Missing pink coloured boxer shorts with picture of Mickey Mouse on the crotch and Donald Duck on the butt. Size Large. Inscribed with the letters HRH Prince Henry in gold.

Vijay Kumar
: Very long, Mr. Henry.

Prince Harry
: No, not very long. Normal length. They come up to about my lower thigh.

Vijay Kumar
: I meant the tweet, Mr. Henry. It is too long.

Prince Harry
: Crikey! Ok, how about - Missing pink coloured boxer shorts with pictures of Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse. Size Large. Inscribed with the letters HRH Prince Henry in gold.

Vijay Kumar
: No.

Prince Harry
: Missing large pink boxer shorts with Donald Duck and Mickey Mouse. Inscribed with HRH Prince Henry. Happy?

Vijay Kumar
: That’s a perfect fit, Mr. Henry. And the pants?

Prince Harry
: How about – Missing Brown Pants.

Vijay Kumar
: That’s it?

Prince Harry
: Yes. What do you want me to say – that it has buttons and a zipper?

Vijay Kumar
: As you wish, Mr. Henry. And, where was the last place you saw these missing items?

Prince Harry
: On me. I saw them on me.

Vijay Kumar
: And what were you doing when you suddenly realized they were missing?

Prince Harry
: That is none of your business!

Vijay Kumar
: Oh I see. Sensitive topic, Mr. Henry.

Prince Harry
: Stop saying that! Just…!

Vijay Kumar
: I am sorry, Mr. Henry. And would you say that you misplaced these items through your own carelessness or were they stolen?

Prince Harry
: Err…I’m not sure if I should call it my own carelessness…

Vijay Kumar
: I will need a precise answer, Mr. Henry. It will help us locate the missing items faster.

Prince Harry
: All right, all right! I was smashed, ok? Hammered! Plastered! Wasted!

Vijay Kumar
: Oh, I am very sorry to hear that, Mr. Henry! Were you violently attacked in your room? Can you describe your attackers? Were they the ones who took your underwear?

Prince Harry
: Motherf….! No, I meant I was drunk! Drunk!! I don’t know when my clothes were gone and where they went! Just help me get them back. That’s all. Really, I can’t do this any more!

Vijay Kumar
: I am sorry, Mr. Henry. I am only trying to help you. Do you have any pictures of the missing items?

Prince Harry
: <mumbles>

Vijay Kumar
: Mr. Henry, are you still there?

Prince Harry
: No, I have no pictures of my underwear and pants. God!

Vijay Kumar
: One last question, Mr. Henry. Who can we contact alternatively if we locate the missing items? I see that you haven’t provided your wife’s contact details.

Prince Harry
: I DON’T HAVE A F**KING WIFE!

Vijay Kumar
: Then? Your parents? You know what - people sometimes give their grandparents details. It is our observation that grandparents are usually very non-judgmental about their grandchildren’s activities in Vegas. Very forgiving. That may be best.

Prince Harry
: NO, NO GRANDPARENTS! You f**king hear me?

Vijay Kumar
: Yes, Mr. Henry. I am only trying to help you. Sorry if I have raised a sensit…

Prince Harry
: DON’T SAY IT…Just. Don’t. Say. It. Again.

Vijay Kumar
: I am sorry, Mr. Henry.

Prince Harry
: Is there anything else you need from me?

Vijay Kumar
: Yes, Mr. Henry. Just your forwarding address. Oh, wait, looks like I can pull that up from the computer. It says, Windsor Castle, London, UK. Is that correct?

Prince Harry
: Yes.

Vijay Kumar
: Oh great. If I may say, Sir, I have always wanted to visit London. But they say that it is very rainy there. Do you think there will be a storm when you get home?

Prince Harry
: Hah…will there be a shit storm when I get home…

Vijay Kumar
: That’s sad to know. Do carry an umbrella, Mr. Henry. Ok, that’s it. I have everything I need. Is there anything else I can help you with?

Prince Harry
: NO!

Vijay Kumar
: Thanks for calling Encore Hotels and Resorts Lost and Found Department. You were talking to Vijay. May you have a very pleasant stay in Las Vegas.

Prince Harry
: <mumbles> Thank you. <mumbles>

12 Comments

  • Writerzblock
    By
    Writerzblock
    03.09.12 02:46 PM
    Hilarious!!!!!! Loved it Rickie. I do hope Harry found his pants afterall!!
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    28.08.12 07:47 AM
    There is such a tremendous support for “Cute Harry”. He is almost likely to be crowned the next King of an otherwise so dull and boring UK. There should be a referendum in Britain.

    He is just A Fun Guy born into the wrong family living it off. He brings the smile back on British faces and the fun loving people of this world.

    Restricting him doing what others of his age are free to do is a Gross Violation of his Human Rights. Even criminals have more rights in Britain than “FUN BOY HARRY”

    Have a look the support he has:

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2194521/
  • Rickie Khosla
    By
    Rickie Khosla
    27.08.12 06:53 PM
    Thanks for reading, Jyoti!
  • Jyoti Agarwal
    By
    Jyoti Agarwal
    27.08.12 06:46 PM
    Extremely hilarious. Couldn't stop laughing after reading this. I am now looking forward to read your book. Let me know about its updates :-)
  • Rickie Khosla
    By
    Rickie Khosla
    25.08.12 11:39 PM
    And that why we all love Harry, don't we Harry? :)
    Thanks for reading, Harry and TYS!
  • tys
    By
    tys
    25.08.12 11:18 PM
    i feel theres more character in a man who breaks rules that are arcane. Way to go harry.
  • HARRY
    By
    HARRY
    25.08.12 10:14 PM
    @ Rickie

    Ohhh man, what can I say. You have said it all. :)

    Him being single and kinda young gives him a free rain to do what he wants to do, pretty much would you not agree? He is always been a wild one by looking at his past. :)
  • Rickie Khosla
    By
    Rickie Khosla
    25.08.12 02:10 PM
    Akanksha, thanks so much for reading!
    Shrinidhi, thanks for reading. It is best to not look for any logic in the proceedings mentioned in this post!
  • Shrinidhi Hande
    By
    Shrinidhi Hande
    25.08.12 01:34 PM
    Good one. But modern hotels do recognize quests by their room numbers
  • Akanksha Dureja
    By
    Akanksha Dureja
    25.08.12 12:36 PM
    Hilarious, as ever! Wonder what would happen if the 'dirty' Prince gets to read this one :D ;-)
  • Rickie Khosla
    By
    Rickie Khosla
    25.08.12 10:34 AM
    :D
    I enjoyed myself writing the piece. Thanks for reading! (Btw, Believe me, I haven't forgotten about what I owe you. I will get to it this weekend!)
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    25.08.12 07:19 AM
    @Rickie,

    I never laughed so much in a long time. That was toooooooo hila ha,ha,ha,ha,ha, ha ri ha ha,ous ha, ha ,ha. I write the rest when I stop laughing.

    Great stuff.

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