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Dating, Relationships And....shhhh....Sex!

Dating, Relationships And....shhhh....Sex!

October 27, 2011

Navigating the relationship waters in India is certainly an adventure for a single, white, female.

Three months after moving to Bangalore, I went on my first date since December, 2009. Every time I say that (or in this case, write it) it seems strange to realize I was on an 18 month dry spell but it never really bothered me.  Back home in Spain I had such amazing friends and such a great time just hanging out with my daughter that I never went out looking for a boyfriend.  And to be fair no one was beating down my door in Spain either.  I mean, at 40+ years old now I’m not exactly a spring chicken, am I?  Yet here in India my age doesn’t matter and I am in the unique position of having more attention being paid to me by the opposite sex than I have in a decade.  Definitely more attention than I want and that is no lie.

I believe that opposites attract so I do understand the attention to a certain extent.  I am personally more attracted to really dark skinned Indians over the men with the lighter/wheatish complexions.  But the attention I've received so far appears to be only partly for my fair skin and blonde hair and – let’s be honest - mostly because of the perception that Indian men have about western women being easy.

In the first three months I lived in Bangalore I was asked out or approached easily 40 or 50 times by different men.  When compared to the less than five men who approached me in Barcelona over the previous 18 months, it’s easy to understand how different things are for me here in India and why I don't believe that it's really "me" that most guys are after.  Well, out of those 40 to 50 gentlemen, I accepted only one invitation.  Our first date was lovely.  Exactly what most every woman wishes for…a charming and handsome man who is a gentleman, makes her laugh, wines and dines her and is respectful (yes, by that I mean he didn’t try to bust a move)! We spent two more dates getting to know each other but in the end we weren’t the right fit together so we parted as friends.

BUT that short-lived burst of romance after my mega-long dry spell started me thinking about dating, relationships and sex and the differences between how things are here in India
and what I am accustomed to from Spain or California.  All of which are black and white, night and day polar opposite scenarios given just how different things are.

So far in my limited experience of three dates with one man and then more recently on one dinner date with another man, it seems to me that Indian men enjoy being gentlemen in what for me are old fashioned terms.  This includes collecting a woman at her door for a date, holding doors open for her, paying for the date, and ensuring that the woman is taken care of whenever they are together.  As I mentioned earlier, I didn’t date much in Spain.  But back in Los Angeles things were very different.  Women will often drive to the date and meet the man there.  When the bill comes, the cost of dinner or activities would commonly be split 50/50. No doubt that the men there still like to ensure that the women are happy and taken care of, but that feeling of chivalry didn’t seem as strong in California as it does here.

I know it's wrong for me to want complete professional and personal equality with men and then still expect them to open my door and pamper me but I just can't help it.
For me, I like the dating etiquette in India very much.  Although as each day passes I do find it increasingly hard to trust that an Indian man is asking me out to know ME better…and not purely for other ulterior motives.

Obviously I have zero hands-on experience with a relationship in India but what I do know without a doubt is that relationships are taken much more seriously here than in Spain… and they are fundamentally different from the U.S.  In Spain, the divorce rate is relatively low compared to the U.S. which boasts the highest divorce rate in the world.  Relationships in the U.S. can begin and end so quickly there are even drive-thru wedding chapels in Las Vegas!  Yet here in India, this country has (I think) one of the lowest divorce rates in the world at just 1.5%.

Sex in India is also – generally – approached quite differently, and the topic is rather taboo.  In Europe sex is discussed much more openly than in the U.S. and here in India.  Yet with that said, the strange reality is that I have been hit on more in India – mostly by married men – who try to “score” a night with a white girl.  Indian men consider foreigners “easy” so they hit on us expats purely in hopes that they might get lucky.  It is true that westerners are more sexually promiscuous when compared to most Indians.  In my very personal opinion, this is neither right nor wrong.  It’s just different.

I am still caught off guard whenever I learn that one of my Indian friends, especially a male friend, was a virgin until they were 24, 26 28 years old. Honestly I just can’t imagine it and have never known a single person in my life who stayed a virgin past uni.  Where I grew up in southern California, if you entered university a virgin and people found out about it you were ridiculed.

However, after living in Spain off and on now for the past 18 years I appreciate and respect the value system there much more than where I am from in the U.S.  In all my years in Spain I never once saw a pregnant teenager, which is completely normal in the states unfortunately.  Kids in Spain are much more responsible than in U.S. and they typically wait until their late teens or are in university and are more mature to start engaging in intercourse.  And here in India, I perceive the value system to be even more conservative and responsible.

Traditionally sex is not a topic that is openly discussed.  Gestures of intimacy like a kiss or a touch are reserved for behind closed doors in 99.9% of all segments of society in India.  But that seems to be changing.
There is a new Indian talk show that is all about sex that recently started airing and I’ve seen blogs on the major Indian newspapers websites that are all about sexual topics (though it is always men doing the talking, not women).  And I have seen couples steal a kiss from time to time while I’ve been out and about in town at the upscale clubs or 5-star hotels.

Does this mean that attitudes towards sex are also changing?  My Indian friends do all seem to have an open and playful attitude towards sex.  But even with that open attitude, I know there is no way in hell that a single one of them would ever discuss sex – or their sexual escapades – with their families!

Photo credit
: lobobear.com 

33 Comments

  • 22.09.15 03:12 AM
    im looking for dark mens wud love to date them hv an amazing encounter wth a black american
  • Saahil
    By
    Saahil
    22.11.13 05:08 PM
    Yes We Indian men do get attracted towards white(western) women because we think they are easy

    About sexual relationship, yes it is a taboo and we love it that way
  • nikhil
    By
    nikhil
    28.08.13 12:56 AM
    Hai..Come on...I am ready/...
  • vish
    By
    vish
    05.06.13 04:27 PM
    angela whats the meaning of carson
  • HARRY
    By
    HARRY
    06.05.12 08:16 PM
    @ Vinod

    What can I say, I'm blown away by your post, good one dude.

    HARRY
  • Vinod
    By
    Vinod
    06.05.12 02:42 AM
    @Mr Siddhartha: Thanks for your appreciation but doubt how much I am good at writing!:-)
    I am just living my dream because my dream was to travel around the world to know people and culture and no regrets!!!Still travelling and learning like Angela is learning in India, but in the US now!!!lol
  • Siddhartha
    By
    Siddhartha
    06.05.12 12:59 AM
    @vinod, you have summed it up as good as it can be summed up. You seem to have a keen observation. I respect that. Would love to hear more. Hope you write a blog or something i could follow.
  • Vinod
    By
    Vinod
    24.02.12 05:04 AM
    @Angela: When you post an article,people can respond based on how they look at the issue.I see your excellent articles as a rare opportunity to peek into the mind of a westerner for the way they think and perceive Indian life and people.Keep your spirits high and keep posting. I can be your critic as well as your admirer because I see your articles with a great degree of academic interest. Now coming to your present article:

    Indian society is at a crossroad where the majority that makes up the countryside is highly orthodox and the smaller towns show the 'shades' of liberalism and the big metros though behind the west are still racing to ape them madly!!I have been travelling around the world for the last 15 years and the short time I get every year to spend time with family gives me the window of opportunity to see how much we have changed. The orthodox outlook about relationships and sex have not changed much. 'Sex' is still a taboo even in the metros.
    Coming to the Indian perception about 'easy' white women - The teenagers in India often get to see nude pictures of white women and 'porn'movies of the western world than the Indian ones.This gives them the impression that all white women are 'easy'!!

    Secondly, there is a high degree of sexual suppression and results in hypocrisy when it comes to morality.
    Marriage as an institution might be thriving in India and statistics may give us a healthy score but the emotional cost people may have to pay or society expects them to pay is what deters many from going for a divorce.This triggers extramarital relationships.I am sure our extramarital relationships if statistically measured, can take us to the top ten positions.

    In India,I would admire someone who shows the courage to divorce(excuse me for sounding so sinister!)just because she/he is unable to get along with, for a reasonable period of time than staying in a marriage and physically and emotionally harming each other.

    In India,people 'live for the society' whereas in the West,'society is for the people'!! Both have its own share of advantages and disadvantages depending on which side one would wish to side with.

    I believed that our culture was the very best in the world when I got out of my university. Today when I turn back and look at the same topic,I get mixed feelings about it because in India,life is all about sacrifice, for the happiness of others by killing ones own.

    India is highly complex and trying to find a single major reason for anything is nearly impossible!!!!!!!
  • ashmith
    By
    ashmith
    30.01.12 12:25 AM
    ha ha ha ha pretty good article ...but i dont think indians{guyz} are not as bad enough as you think...probably u have met only such guys...if i would have met you in real .. i have lot more to say.. any ways..wish you the best always.. TC..i wish i would have seen you :{
  • MANISH
    By
    MANISH
    15.11.11 10:37 AM
    i like sex
  • Siddhartha
    By
    Siddhartha
    09.11.11 03:25 AM
    HARRY, applause and praise accepted with a bow and heartfelt gratitude :-)

    ROY, i write quite a bit, but never put stuff on the web. Planning to start my book after a few years when i turn 24. I'll keep you posted about the release date :-D
  • Roy
    By
    Roy
    09.11.11 02:27 AM
    @Sid cool man. U got a great ability of story telling. Cool research on the topic and a nice way to put it. Keep up the good work and do inform me wen u start writing some article or book. I'll love to read it.
  • HARRY
    By
    HARRY
    09.11.11 01:27 AM
    SIDDHARTHA
    Bravo dude, I am left speech less by your post. I am clapping my hands. Nicely done.

    HARRY
  • Siddhartha
    By
    Siddhartha
    08.11.11 11:13 PM
    I will help you understand the indian courtship environment by giving you insights into 2 topics-
    1. sex and india.
    2. the relationship from an indian's perspective.

    1. SEX IN INDIA.

    In reality, there is a lot(by conventional indian standards) of pre marital sex in india even before western influences through films and other media came in(Maybe 3 to 5 % of the american standard). Following are the factors that promote the indian sexuality:
    sex is the most primal urge. And the fact that we literally wrote the complete manual of sex even before other modern civilizations were born, helps in cementing the fact that we Indians very much are into sex. The difference between us and the west is that we do it in utmost secrecy (reason for secrecy soon to be explained)
    Factors that regulate the indian sexuality:
    The taboo status of sex originated in modern india due to changes in dynamics of the 6000 year old special pious, god-like, position of a woman in the indian family system. Passively monitored by everyone, a woman is similar to the PR agent of a family. If she behaves well, the family is well cultured. If she's unruly, the family is assumed to be unruly. If a family is like england, a woman is it's princess Diana. And in measures of keeping the image of THIS "princess Di" spotlessly clean, the indian family structure has rules for DESIGNATED men to take care of her. A woman's life is divided into 2 distinct phases, childhood phase and post marriage phase.
    From the moment she is born till she is married off, the father is the primary caretaker and is the authority which dictates her freedom. The brother plays the backup caretaker and protector when the father is not around. The secondary men in her life include relatives. And interaction of any non-relative, SINGLE male especially of age 18 - 40 is STRICTLY supposed to happen in the presence of the father or brother. And once she is married off, the husband takes on the role of protector and provider. Though this is not the norm in cities now, it nevertheless remains a tradition that has been around for over 4000 years and is still the norm in rural india which makes up 70% of the country. Also in this culture, a girl is so precious that her suitor is mostly decided before she is 3 yrs old (sometimes even before she is born). she grows up constantly interacting with this suitor (who is also of the same age) fully aware that he is her man. And by the time she has any sexual needs, she would be married to her man. And if not yet married, and the urge is strong, the need for premarital sex is fulfilled by her future husband. As India modernized and women gained more freedom and individuality, she broke free from the engaged-from-childhood norm and began exploring new opportunities in the formerly-forbidden outside world. In this exploring, the average age for marriage, which was 16 (safely before full sexual maturity) is being pushed into the late twenties, and growing alarmingly further(because chances of a miscarriage and child abnormalities go up considerably for women who haven't had a child before the age of 32). This puts her in a tight spot. At the time she becomes sexually mature, she does not have the means to quench her primal thirst that women her age enjoyed about 5-6 decades ago. The sulky side of the indian culture, instead of recognizing this side-effect of female liberalization, and providing her solutions by incorporating changes in itself (like it brilliantly has been doing for 6000 years), frowns upon the modern woman when she seeks love while outside the bounds of a heavily socially-recommended 'marriage'. (being the reason for the "secrecy in premarital sex" mentioned at the beginning of this section). And owing to the fact that the girl child is the "PR agent" of the family, the family (afraid of what the neighbours/society might think of them) tries to regulate (most of the times fruitlessly) her interaction with men in her adult pre-marriage phase. A popular indian saying goes- "Having an unmarried daughter at home who has come of age, is like carrying around red hot charcoal in your coat pocket." simply put, it means- "ARE YOU CRAZY???? GET RID OF THAT! NOW!!!!" Indian culture is at a phase where there is growing tensions between these two ideologies. It will lead to some much needed changes. As Charles Darwin put it, "At every challenge, life will find a way to adapt and thrive again."



    2. RELATIONSHIPS FROM AN INDIAN PERSPECTIVE-

    We indians cant live without stability. We are the world's foremost stability/security freaks. We need to know what's behind each door of life. NEED TO! There are people who need to know where their next salary is gonna come from... and there is the indian, who will be only 99% satisfied with a written assurance from GOD himself about the salaries of him, his infant children and his unborn grandchildren. This is the reason why you are bound to find millions who will run behind a job with literally their lives in their mouths and hardly a few thousand entrepreneurs who risk everything in pursuit of that big idea (Thankfully, this attitude is changing). What this translates to in relationships is, Indians get into relationships only after testing the waters thoroughly. If you hear a guy/ girl say the three magic words, you can bet on it that they have done a feasibility check, background check and a success estimate that can put NASA to shame. indian "i love you" = american "i do". Being in a relationship with someone you cant marry is incomprehensible to an indian. The reasons for incompatibility include- religious differences, social status differences, caste, north india- south india incompatibility (regional differences). This to an american may seem too alien. But you need to understand, marriage ABSOLOUTELY needs the approval of parents in india. And parents need the approval of society to continue enjoying their societal status. So in the Indian relationship scene, flings and casual dating are relatively far,FAR less in number than the experimental west. But as i said earlier, the indian culture is evolving to address these things. The young are experimenting with casual flings and are coming to terms with relationships that may NOT entail a till-death-do-us-apart contract.
  • vijay
    By
    vijay
    05.11.11 10:46 PM
    @Angela
    Thank you and it is really cool & nice that you curious and humble. Even young Indian like me cannot claim to fully understand culture and psyche. It is diverse and there are regional differences, not to mention pace at which things are changing in cities.
    Big cities like Mumbai, Delhi and people working in certain industries like media, films, fashion, sports where there is lot of people to people interaction, dating etc. is pretty much like in the west and people do not worry too much about past relationships of person, but rest of majority people are still conservative (as you rightly observed).
    Since you work is related to Cricket, it would interesting to find out how Gautam Gambhir (who got married last week) met his wife, and how long they dated or were in relationship? Oh look I am gossiping, who said men don't like/do it :).

    @Mexicana Some people think there is similarity between food, interesting to know there are many more things common. Italians find some familiarity with Indian culture (guys living with parents and visiting relatives on week ends, tussle between mother and wife, yet they love & tolerate each other). If they dub 'Everybody Loves Raymond' (Italian-American family sitcom), it would be a hit in middle class India.
  • Mexicana
    By
    Mexicana
    05.11.11 08:03 PM
    Hi Angela,
    Thanks for your reply. I am so very sorry that this happened to you in Puerto Vallarta! :-( I am glad the guy was put in jail!
    The Mexico I grew up in (I am more or less your age) sounds a bit like the India Vijay describes except for the arranged marriage part. People were still expected to forego any type of sexual intimacy until they were married and girls were the ones who carried a family's honor entirely upon their shoulders. Things have been changing a bit the last two decades or so.
    Again, interesting to read your views and others comments.
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    04.11.11 05:46 PM
    @Vijay - thanks so much for the well thought out comment. Things are different and I always love hearing different versions and takes on a topic. Hope you'll comment again, was a nice, insightful read for me! Cheers, angela
  • vijay
    By
    vijay
    02.11.11 11:15 PM
    Hi Angela,
    You are right on the spot with your general observations about dating. Following are my 2 cents / paisa.
    In western culture, dating is done to find out if person is right for you, before taking marriage vows. Relationship is period when you are seeing someone and committed. Sex is something you have with a loved one, any time, hoping to celebrate/enjoy bond, but most importantly NOT worrying about consequences.

    Now since you are curious to see equivalent concepts in Indian culture here they are:

    + Indian Dating = arranged marriage that involves parents/relatives suggesting a suitable person for their son/daughter, meeting of families and now a days courtship which is more like dinner date or a movie date. Why does this work? Why young Indians take help of their parents to find a life partner? Perhaps because parents have bigger social circle and now a days they do allow courtship (dinner dates).
    Perhaps this is how it worked in US in 50s and 60s, for middle class Americans, like for your parents.

    + Indian Relationship = Marriage = Commitment
    it is very rare that someone is in relationship (boy friend, girl friend) for a long period. It is like: you either marry a girl or just stop meeting her.

    + Sex before marriage = HUGE consequences

    Notice that in Indian dating (which is what modern arranged marriage has become really, in cities), sex is not even considered. In general sex before marriage is big NO NO for majority, because it has huge negative consequence especially for girls. Also for of Indians thought of marrying someone who was intimate with someone else (even when it was in the past) is NOT very comforting, because western of breaking up with someone after spending lot of time together is strange for Indians.
    All though sex education is not part of curriculum, most young Indian are aware of flip sides (pregnancy, aids, std etc.)
    All in all, sex before marriage/commitment is not worth the potential consequences, so it is a avoided.

    Cheers!
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    31.10.11 11:53 AM
    @all -- thanks for commenting. Harry, you spent some time on that one, appreciate your thoughts everyone.

    I'm not trying to change India...I just enjoy comparing our apples and oranges mentality. I WISH that some things were different but only because I like certain things and miss them (like pepperoni on my pizza, which I can't get in Frazer Town because of my proximity to the mosques as an example OR holding hands with someone I care about of the opposite sex).

    @Mexicana - the only time in my life I was almost raped was in Puerta Vallarta. The new security guard from our building broke into the apartment I was sharing with a Mexican girl and tried. Thanks to my screams he ran out and thanks to his easy to recognize shirt I was able to identify him and he went to jail. Within 10 days I hopped back into My Jeep Wrangler and drove back to California. I was 21 at the time. I didn't realize that there was such a huge problem there to be honest, I thought of my incident as more of a random occurence. But it's interesting you brought that up....although for me Mexico is worlds apart on the conservative scale from India with respect to sexuality and equality between men and women.
  • Vyankatesh
    By
    Vyankatesh
    30.10.11 11:49 AM
    A 360 degree view on some important topics in Relationships :) Great insights.
  • Mexicana
    By
    Mexicana
    29.10.11 09:01 PM
    Hi Angela,
    Wow, I see your post generated several comments coming from Indian gentlemen. Reading your profile on the right hand column I was wondering if your experience in Puerto Vallarta was similar to that in India. Mexico is also a country I have lived in and I do remember it being conservative, similar to India in terms of how it views women in general. I remember how quick Mexicans also were in passing judgement on a girl's degree of "easiness".
    Rape is quite a subject and I would say it is difficult to pinpoint why India would have a high rate of that type of crime. I believe there is no simple answer to that question. High rape rates in several countries usually are the result of a cocktail of things ranging from corrupt police/justice to a lack of education or an individual's warped view of women as fellow human beings and more... And here I am not speaking of India, but just in general.
    Interesting post, thanks for opening the subject. Oh and you might want to read a fun book called "Marrying Anita". It speaks about the dating scene for a mature NRI in India. Hope you enjoy.
  • Roy
    By
    Roy
    29.10.11 07:56 PM
    Hey Angela, I m sorry if overreacted but couldnt resist when u said "May be our culture or way we handle sex is responsible for high rapes in india". You want us to be free to hold hand in public frankly speaking I also want it, a father kissing a mom infront of their kid is not illegal as per law. It depends on the family. Even I don't like it wen people see a girl in mini skirt or see her smoking or walking with her boy friend and they assume she is easy but they are that way pls accept it and behave sensibly or kill atleast 2 generation of most of the family.
    Now u decide wether you want to change 1billion people or just change urself and enjoy ur stay in india. And don't worry come back after a decade and I think you will be free to move around in india with ur boyfriend's hand in hand bcoz I don't think we can resist western's hollow lifestyle influence on our younger gen more than that.
    Once again welcome to india, keep enlightening us about our culture.
  • maitreyeechowdhury
    By
    maitreyeechowdhury
    29.10.11 03:25 PM
    Good one..a lot of what you said makes sense & very true what you said about Indian men & the attitude about sex in general in India..BTW welcome to Namma Bengaluru :)
  • Dr Roshan
    By
    Dr Roshan
    29.10.11 11:22 AM
    You made a lot of valid points here, Angela.
    No matter how much we try, we are still behind other nations in the dating game. We aren't in that age yet where we can just bring a girl/guy home and proclaim "this is my boy/girlfriend".
    I am glad to see more openness in the dating game now ( something I wished for and sadly never had the chance in my time ) but even still, the 'Archie-Betty-Veronica" style of a normal teenage life with cool parents and peers still eludes a majority of Indians.. it's restricted to the city life and as you can imagine, that's still just a handful.
  • HARRY
    By
    HARRY
    28.10.11 11:34 PM
    Dear Angela
    I wasn't going to comment on your article but as you have opened a can of worms, I thought why not.

    Most white women have asked this question numebers of times on ,
    why do indian man like white women ?
    Why do they see white women as a sex object ?
    Are white women easy ?

    This is very simple, and it is from a mans perspective point of view, so please don't be offended .

    Firstly when an indian boy is young the only thing sexual he is exposed to is white women by means of page three in uk in tabloid . You know which one it is. This is also thanks to american porn industry now a days which ROY also included in reply. So the only naked women indian men have seen since young is white women . I think this should answer first two questions . The third depends on where you live. This is also yes. So there you go. Sorry I don't do sugar coated.

    This is the senario with most indian man, but when he has gained some wisdom that's when he realises that he likes all women, not just the white ones, but if you get one white on the way, why not !

    I personaly like exotic kind lesser you get more you want, no offence to you, bit like you in india . So there you go . Happy days

    Other thing you mentioned in reply was rape. This is diffrent all together and has no relation to the open sex issues . The people who commit this offence are actualy not people . There is no ward to describe them except shit.

    They can't be even catogrised as human beings, because no civilised individual will do this sort of things . If it's not inside you it's not comming out. You will never get apple juice from the carton of orange juice and that's fact.

    Like Roy said it's about anger and power not about sex. Sexual gratification can be many other way . This is not the way .

    One question Why is there so many rapes in USA and UK ? when sex is not taboo and is easy get.

    Most rapes in USA and UK are not reported due to drinking culture by both sexes and the way police investigates these crimes. The women in the most cases are not belived, due to drink and inacurate account of victim. Threfor this is classified as drunken sex not rape . That doesn't mean this didn't happened thus the figure are lower .

    I may be wrong and don't know exact figures but if I agree and say all facts given are true then, I might as well call all white women drunk with loose morals and had it comming . THAT IS NOT TRUE AND RIGHT ON MY PART.

    So please do not compare culture, sex and rape. They are all diffrent and are not related EVEN WHEN THEY APPEAR RELATED. HARRY
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    28.10.11 08:23 PM
    @Roy - whoa!!! sorry but you misunderstood me :-( I didn't mean what you've insinuated at all. I meant being able to discuss sex or even something simple like being able to hold hands in public. Maybe make it okay for a dad to kiss a mom in front of a child? I really have no idea (as I mentioned) but I have never lived in a country that had such a high rape rate...I can't wrap my head around why it is such a problem here. The only thing I know for sure is that India is the most conservative country I have lived in so it really surprises me.
  • Roy
    By
    Roy
    28.10.11 05:32 PM
    @ Angela Do u really think that easy sex with consent of both parties, would be a cure for rape. No I don't think so otherwise a (sexualy) developed nation like USA would never have so many crimes against women. I don't know much about Spain's culture and crime scenario there.
    The motive of rape is generally anger, power, sexual gratification. Of these three first two are main cause bcoz if it is sexual gratification then there are brothel in almost every city in this world. It's the power and sometime anger which makes those human a beast. As per me they must be hanged till death.
    But u can not judge our 6000 yr old civilization on basis how these sick people behave. I m not against sex education, I know if we educate our young gen wen they are in school or early college then ofcorse many problems will be solved but please do not try change the family and social system in india bcoz we love it that way.
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    28.10.11 03:10 PM
    @Roy - I can appreciate the way things are in India and respect the culture and the ways... but I wonder if the high number of rapes in this country could be attributed to some of the conservative aspects of the culture? I don't know, I have not researched this topic, but I do know that it is a huge problem in many cities (and has been for a very long time). This is something I never experienced in "liberal" Spain. ...just a thought.

    @KofyKat - I'm with you! Although I tend to socialize at the more upscale spots in town where my Indian mates all "2-kiss" hello but I can only imagine what it's like outside of that bubble.
  • KofyKat
    By
    KofyKat
    28.10.11 09:35 AM
    Actually I'm glad that the change is happening because honestly I feel claustrophobic. If I hold hands with another guy they think i'm easy and even if my shoe lace comes off and i take my male friend's shoulder for support while i tie it people think I'm easy, it is really frustrating.
  • Roy
    By
    Roy
    28.10.11 05:20 AM
    Yes We Indian men do get attracted towards white(western) women because we think they are easy but this perception comes just because of Hollywood movies, English litreture and ofcourse porn movies that we watch since school. All these shows the girls there are open and easy going about sex.
    About sexual relationship, yes it is a taboo and we love it that way. For us it's very very personal thing which can never be discussed with anyone apart from few friends and ofcourse spouse. I love my india this way and hope the new gen is not over influenced by uncle Sam.
  • viya
    By
    viya
    28.10.11 04:50 AM
    Lol! :P very true about " no way in hell that a single one of them would ever discuss sex – or their sexual escapades – with their families!"... Seriously! even the thought of talking to family about this is weiirddd!
    Sad to know about 'virgin people being ridiculed'... :| i mean wouldn't you want only 'the one' to know you 'completely'?
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    27.10.11 04:38 PM
    Vishnu, I would love to be able to hear what guys are thinking when they see me. If you want to share please feel free...your honest comment is most welcome, at least from me! Chers, angela
  • Vishnu
    By
    Vishnu
    27.10.11 02:32 PM
    Yeah... You are right..!!!! Actually what runs through our minds will be very strange for you.. I have lots to say about this.. But, If I starts writing.. It will become another article.. It will not end.. :D

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