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Why Do So Many Indian Men Cheat?

Why Do So Many Indian Men Cheat?

November 28, 2011
Angela Carson

Are arranged marriages to blame for the high percentage of men who look for sex outside their marriage?

There are so many preconceptions that I brought with me when I first moved to India.  Either misconceptions garnered from Bollywood films, which it turns out, are not the best guide for sorting out what is normal everyday life and what’s not! I really thought that by now a handsome, single, sexy man with a long vest thingy and a bare chest would have looked my way from across a crowded bar and then he and his friends would have walked towards me, slowly, singing and performing a synchronized dance as his special way of woo’ing me.  I mean, come on!  After seven months of living in India – and the insane amount of socializing that I do – this should have happened to me by now, right?  It happens every day in Bollywood films!  Yet sadly, not in my real life!

I also arrived with many preconceived notions that I learned from the Internet.  This, sadly, is turning out to be a much more accurate source for information than Bollywood films (I say sadly because I am still hoping to be woo’d “Bollywood style” very soon!! haha).   Most of what I learned off the net and believed to be true before my arrival in India actually really is true. It’s lovely and different and for the most part I feel truly blessed to be experiencing it all.

However, there are certain things that I didn’t have a clue about when I moved to India that I could happily live without.  Noise pollution from horn blowing tops my list.  And just below that is the insane amount of married and committed men who approach women here in an attempt for a little diversion. In all my life, neither in the U.S. or Spain, I have never seen such a huge number of men try to set up extracurricular activities for themselves out in the open at bars, restaurants and clubs.  They even try to set up liaisons via the Internet. Personally I receive an average of three online invitations per day, which is an insane figure.

Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t have any illusion that 100% of men and women in relationships are always faithful. And I know that this isn’t a situation that is unique to India.  People cheat all around the world, every minute of every day.  As for me personally, as far as I know, I have never been cheated on (exes: if that is not true, please don’t tell me now!!!!).  I am also very proud to say that I have never cheated on anyone.  Even when I was in a miserable marriage, I broke things off first and waited for him to move out instead of looking for happiness elsewhere.

Yet here it seems to me that cheating is an everyday thing for some guys.  Given the ÜBER conservative Indian values and traditions, it amazes me how many seemingly unavailable men approach me or I’ve who I’ve seen approach a friend hoping to get lucky.  If I had to guess, I would say that the ratio of single to unavailable men who have tried their luck with me is about 25% / 75%…with the 75% representing the guys who are married or have girlfriends. Since 99% of the guys are unattractive to me (sorry guys) and I have zero interest in wasting my time and just want to hang out with my friends they don’t make it much past hello (I have become very good at the “brush off” and have it down to 15 seconds now).  Now, the guys who I actually did find attractive and who I chatted or flirted with a bit until learning they were married or had girlfriends were all pretty open about it.

Affluent men who are married or committed certainly do make interesting offers, I’ll give them that.  To date I haven’t received a single ‘traditional’ date offer like dinner and a movie.  The ideas they have logically include an exit plan from town and have ranged from a weekend in the Maldives to candlelit dinners, champagne in the moonlight or sightseeing trips to nearby towns for a night away. And of course some were simply 100% direct and just asked if they could come home with me.

So is cheating an accepted practice in India?  Do Indian women just turn their back on what they know is going on with their man? So far only one of my married Indian friends has said that he and his wife have an “understanding”.  He says that they married each other knowing each other fully so there were no illusions of fidelity to begin with!  But my guess is that this is certainly not the norm and that the majority of Indian women wouldn’t be quite so relaxed about the topic.  And I know for a fact that expats living in India don’t tend to turn their backs to it when dating Indian men.  In fact, a good friend recently dumped her boyfriend after catching him red-handed at a party exchanging numbers with a girl and then trying to hide it.  What a douche!

I asked around a bit on the topic and here’s what I heard:

  • Cheating apparently happens more in middle-upper and upper class society than lower and middle class.
  • I was told that lower and middle class men are so focused on working and supporting the family that there is hardly time or opportunity.
  • That when every Rupee is counted to make ends meet for a family that there is typically nothing extra that could be used to seduce a lover.  And since – generally speaking – women like to be wined and dined, so if there is no disposable income for the wining and the dining then chances are pretty slim that these guys are going to score. I know it still happens but probably not as frequently or lavishly as if they had cash to burn.
  • The more affluent men typically have business trips and meetings day and night so there is more opportunity for them to hook up with someone. They can also offer a woman a romantic night out, a short getaway at 5 star hotels and they can pamper her…so it would indeed be much easier to start an affair with those resources — and the free time.


What I still don’t have a clear handle on though is WHY Indian men seem more active in this respect than men in other countries?  I just moved from Spain where they are pretty damn naughty, but the Spanish men don’t even remotely compare to the Indians.  One friend – I really hope jokingly – said it is the heat that makes Indian men such go-getters.  Sounds like bullshit to me but it was a spin on the topic I hadn’t expected.  Does the warm Indian climate really fire up naughty thoughts more than in other countries or cooler climates?  Hmmmm….not sure I’m buying that idea.

For my part, I have somewhat mixed feelings about cheating in secret when the partner doesn’t know.  The part of me that has never cheated is proud of that and believes that is the way things SHOULD be. But I haven’t been in a relationship in about seven years and I think I have changed a lot in that time and I’m not sure I see fidelity as such an important aspect to a relationship anymore – but again I haven’t been in love in so long that I could just be speaking jibberish.

Is it reasonable to expect to be faithful “till death do us part” now? With the high number of men who either DO cheat or are trying to cheat who I’ve come across I think the answer to that question is no.  Not all of them. I’m sure that most women reading this probably think that their man would never cheat and that I’m talking about a different kind of man, with different values and morals.  And I hope for them that it’s true.  But it really can’t be true for every woman, can it? Those guys who I’ve met all have wives or fiancées or girlfriends, don’t they?

Given the naughty nature of some Indian men, based solely on what I’ve witnessed and know to be true from personal experience in India, it seems like these guys have very liberal views on fidelity.  Views that they likely don’t express to their wives and girlfriends.  Should society’s views on infidelity then soften to accommodate the reality of life as it really exists today in India? I already know that the general consensus answer to that question will be NO but the topic does make me curious. Obviously the flip side is to keep things as they are and keep everything hidden as it is now and brush the truth under the rug so to speak.  I know enough about traditional values to know that this Plan B (or the way it has always been) is the preferred plan but … why?  Why not be open and honest about this?  I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. I’m neither an Indian woman nor in a relationship….I’m just one of the many unlucky “prey” for these guys. 

279 Comments

  • Kay
    By
    Kay
    23.10.14 02:04 PM
    To be honest it is the Indian mothers that spoil the male child. They live vicariously through the male and I think there are a lot of mixed emotions from the males on this. On the one hand they love their mothers and on the other hand they hate their mother for suffocating them. This leads to passive aggressive acting out behaviors. Men never seem to develop a separate identity from the mother and I think many resent it. The apron stings never seem to get cut and this might not be healthy for the guy. Even the famous and rich Salman Khan says he is a mama's boy and he is middle aged now! This is the start of it all. Men in India don't work for a relationship, or to maintain a relationship, like their Western counterparts. It is arranged and Indian women CAN'T leave because divorce laws favor the male. She gets almost nothing in a divorce and her kids are shamed at school due to divorce. Other Indian males will hound her for sex thinking she is a slut due to the divorce, even if the problem was due to the male. Divorce in India is always the female's fault. Men in India have no accountability for their behaviors, they often blame others. Even at 40 years old I have found many of them to act like they are 16 emotionally. I have American girlfriends that married Indian men and I would say that 95% of those marriages are unhappy from the wife's point of view. The differences are too great to be resolved. Slowly the divorce laws are changing here. Many in Bollywood are ending up divorced so the stigma is becoming less. To be honest divorce and cheating is not the main problem here. Having healthy male and female relationships is a huge problem in India. No one here knows what they are or what they look like. Most Indian marriages I know of end up with the partners living separate lives in separate rooms. It is shameful to even admit there is a problem in Indian relationships. No one will speak up about it openly. I have lived in India for over 15 years now and this is what I have observed. Porn is also rampant in this country as well and has a lot to do with relationships deteriorating here.
  • Yvette
    By
    Yvette
    01.09.14 06:08 AM
    Hi

    I have a Indian male friend who has been my friend for a bout 10 years.... for the last 2 months he has seen me helped me with descisions on going back to school etc...when we agreed to go out i was nice then he kissed me and I said what is going on we are friends and he is married. He says arranged but when I saw his home its beautiful and there is tons of pictures around with him and his wife. I am confused everytime he sees me he wants to sleep with me? What should I do so I don't get my feelings hurt because I know he doesn't care about me,
  • visham
    By
    visham
    07.08.14 09:23 PM
    Another attempt to tarnish Indian men. Paid for in full by Jewish media
  • PArkavi
    By
    PArkavi
    26.06.14 07:55 AM
    All classes of men in india cheats. If no money they will find for women with money.If got caught they will say the girl fall naked on them.......Evidence watch solvathuellam unmai. valmayev vellum, kathayallaithu jeevitham
  • Suzie
    By
    Suzie
    21.08.13 07:40 PM
    I suspect the reason why the article writer is getting so many offers is purely because she is Caucasian. Indian and south asian culture often view white women women as sluts, man-eaters and loose. They believe this mainly because of american TV and movies that show white women to be very liberal sexually. You do not see indian women or south east asian women behaving loose on TV. Western culture worships sexual women.

    I am a south east asian woman. There was one male family member who married a white woman and during the wedding. I overheard a bunch of family members talking about how they thought the bride was a slut and hoped she would treat him good. I was shocked at these comments they would not know of sexual activities but jump into conclusions that she is a man-eating whore just because she is white/western
  • may
    By
    may
    09.07.13 12:04 AM
    we may also be in the same position if we walk in her shoes. I know specialist doctors who worked in richest countries depending on charity in their old days!
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    06.07.13 10:47 PM
    @may,

    The follow up news next day was even more pathetic, that said she is sitting in prison because she didn't have $5000, to bail her out. How much low down can a professor stoop down to?

    I agree with your statement 200% .

    "then I think it is better to move on. I feel the best revenge is a life well lived".

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2356234/
  • may
    By
    may
    06.07.13 09:21 PM
    Interesting article Raj. Such a waste of personal energy which could have been used for a worthy cause. I think once a partner leave (bf/gf/husband/wife) then I think it is better to move on. I feel the best revenge is a life well lived.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    05.07.13 11:03 AM
    I hope this news would help those who follow their ex’s to stay out of trouble with the LAW.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2354418/
  • may
    By
    may
    04.07.13 11:17 PM
    Once married many Indian women will not leave their husbands even if they cheat on them so jillian if this girl married / engaged to your ex bf she is not likely to leave him. Engagement/marriage is a big ceremony ( depending on family's standing in the society) in some parts of India. After these ceremonies if the girl leave the man another marriage for the girl is very difficult.
    I feel you must move on. Get into the flow of life.Chase an outstanding goal and instead of chasing ex bf's fiance. I am sure You will meet an outstanding person on your life journey. Your past experience will help you in selecting the right one.
  • jillian
    By
    jillian
    03.07.13 02:28 PM
    Yes. I didnt receive any feedback from the fiance side. He in turn went ard telling people to be careful of me because and he told them that i tell tales abt him to break his marriage.
  • Amanda
    By
    Amanda
    03.07.13 09:46 AM
    @jillian I'm going to share my own opinion on what's going on in your situation. This opinion is based on my own experience.

    If I'm correct your heart is in need of closure not to mention the need for answers of why you feel like a victim.

    Chances are that his family knows these things you say are true, they feel bad for the actions of their son. In private alone with just his parents he will be questioned with no end

    I want you to know that your certainly not alone in this feeling of despair. If he told you that they didn't care he is speaking rubbish. My guess is after telling these things on him you never received any response from them directly?

    Most likely you will never know the reasons behind any of the issues at hand or possible motives to his behavior. Personally when I told my ex's new wife about me, to be honest I was seeking revenge on him.

    This guy must be very dear to you but its best to let go and keep him in your heart, understand that your ex I'm sure cared deeply for you felt that he was hurting his parents that worked their whole lives to watch their son begin his own path to happiness within his culture.

    There is nothing that you did to deserve this behavior whatsoever, remember true love never dies but true lover always cries. Life is about loyalty and his loyalty went to his family. Even with having commited adultery in his eyes his parents will live their lives believing their son obeyed them and was a good man.

    In the end that's what he wanted. He put his feelings for you aside to please his family. Cowardly as it seems its also brave. I pray for your heart to be lifted from pain and you try to remember the best of times you shared after all your time was his most precious gift from you because it can't ever be taken back. Best wishes
  • jillian
    By
    jillian
    03.07.13 06:18 AM
    If u guys still remember my story.. i have taken action and informed his fiance's family abt him but in the end.. they choose not to believe me but decided to believe his story instead even when i have evidence abt him cheating and stuff. I dont understand why the girl choose to make herself fall into this hell hole to be with him??
  • Amanda
    By
    Amanda
    25.06.13 03:05 AM
    I just wanted to thank you Raj for your advice and words of wisdom. I truly believe this is what blogging is all about. It's a diverse way of gaining understanding and closure for me.

    I'd like to add how very hard it is to let go of someone but your exactly right. To let go doesn't mean to block something from memory it simply means to make peace with it.

    I'm still daydreaming in class about Zaheer but as time goes so does the intensity of my dreams with him.

    I'm letting my inner spirit take over and accept the things in which have taken place. Learning self-discipline and building off the goals I've set for myself rather than those of which me and Zaheer set together.

    I'm doing well in keeping myself busy and even taking a creative writing class, that helps. I'm very appreciative of everyone's advice! After all those who have ears will listen, take time to analyze and reflect on knowledge. After-all Life is full of worries why not be open to suggestions. I'm very glad this blog existed

    The true fact is I came here venting about the sorrowful loss of a dear one and am leaving the blog just a tad bit stronger. Each day I've grow taller, stronger and more at peace. Thanks to all. Best wishes
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    17.06.13 09:33 PM
    @Amanda,

    Read second para, second line as:Those are really....
    The third line: stranglehold on his or her.

    I have siad this before and hope it helps to confront your worries.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    17.06.13 09:25 PM
    @Amanda,

    I understand very well your experiences or feelings and I know they are real. They are really sad for any one who relied on face value of things rather than the unpredictable that really goes on in side another human mind.

    The art of letting go is not a thing that every one manages or gets down to do. There are that happen in one’s life that cause an enormous stranglehold on his or mental or physical structure. Stress over runs the inner peace that we need to lead a happy life. Its time you thought of learning the Art of letting Go.

    To let go off things doesn't mean to get rid of them. Just learn to leave them as they are and learn to find a work around to solve. Every average human being is born with common sense. As we grow we pick up different kinds of knowledge to improve our common sense further until we die.

    Bad weather, illness, and many other factors could get us into awful moods and drive us to a point of frustration. Makes us feel the load of stress heavier and think why its all happening - to just us. We take this as they are or start see it as a welcome chance to change things about which no one needs be afraid of. You require no radical steps or dramatic changes because, as it so often happens in our life- life is the devil in details.

    Only you decide what really is important to you, not others. Remember: you can only go forward if you do not collapse under the backpack, you yourself cheerfully packed. I lost my daughter within two weeks of her birth when medical science failed. Sadness I was never able to get over until this day. However I had to keep going until my end comes with out her.

    I sincerely hope things work out for you.
  • Amanda
    By
    Amanda
    17.06.13 08:10 PM
    I'm thinking that this blog about "Why do Indian men cheat?" Is raising some very good questions about what is happening to cultures around the world and how these changes effect people globally. My situation may have been or seemed common to some but in my eyes it is rare. I grew up in a very traditional southern rebel family in which dating anyone from any other country, race or nationality back in the day would have been a death sentence for me. I had been married for 12 years prior to meeting my ex indian love. After years of abuse and struggle to raise and care for my two children I decided leaving my husband was best. Kids need positive in their lives and good education and never do they need violence. When meeting Zaheer he was very handsome, educated and what I loved most is the most important thing to him was family. He encouraged a healthy lifestyle for me and my two children and indeed became a part of our lives. He had a huge heart and was always compassionate and helping others. He was a very forgiving man and expressed his wishes to me very well. He explained to me that his family would most likely not accept me at first and that it would most likely take several years for them to come around to the thought of us being together as one. He never pushed any kind of relations on me and respected me a great deal that I wasn't anywhere near ready to have intimate relations. He worked very hard and attended school to finish up his Masters in Engineering. Zaheer new how to do it all in my eyes. Even after having a few well deserved beers or whiskey drinks he stayed compassionate. He would call or text all through his day at work checking on me and my children. He would call before coming home asking if the kids needed anything and would often surprise them with a family day somewhere like "The Great Wolf Lodge" or take them foe ice cream. He was good to us. I never expected that he would cheat but I also took for granted that he would always be there. I thought to myself that God must have taken a little more time making someone that was so perfect in my eyes. After graduation he needed to land a job in his field of study. There is a strict law on the amount of time he had to land a job. He had several offers but they were to far away he said. When he did land a job he had to move right away. We had plans on buying a nice house in the country and putting the kids in a private school. Everything was going great until he met Sagar. Sagar joined the company in which Zaheer joined and he was a young stud who was very much into clubbing. Ali would still make time to come and stay with me and the children frequently. Then one summer day in the heat of July while driving his car something happened that made me instantly lose my sense of safety in his arms. My blue eyes filled with tears as my heart begin to feel heavy. While at the Subway drive thru, reaching in the side of his door for change I pulled out a condom. I thought why is this here? We have no need for this. Is he being unfaithful? So, I returned home and while laying next to him I asked him why he had the pack of condoms. They were not opened and they were all accounted for but it was enough to sink me into a depression. He admitted to going out to the club with Sagar and having a chance to violate our relationship but he declined the chance and left the condoms in his door. From that moment I feel as if I lost Ali. He was upset that I didn't trust him. That was the start of what is now the end to our time together. Even if I'm letting go of my attatchment to him I will never let him leave my heart. I cared deeply for him and if our time togeher was all a show and he was just using me so be it but there is a little voice inside me saying that after this life we will meet again. I hope my story at least touches someones heart that is lost or suffering pain of losing someone very dear to them. My best advice is to forgive them and keep them in your heart and walk away, letting go sometimes is the hardest thing to do. True love never dies, but true lover always cries.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    17.06.13 07:35 PM
    Rape statistics are not very romantic to read. I don't read or watch horror stories. They frighten me to death.

    There are nicer things to read and my tastes are different. I walk around pot holes in life.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    17.06.13 07:29 PM
    You are a lone voice against those things you say happened to many of your female friends. India does not live by Swedish laws. All those things have happened to people everywhere in the world. Love is just a feeling and lasts forever only in extremely rare cases. As you say, you may be one of those extremely lucky women.

    In western countries almost all marriages take place broadly based on this thing called Love. If one looks at the divorce rates it melts down to an infatuation that did not last the test of time. In many cases love faded as fast as it happened. Human mind is a complicated piece mechanism. For it to work without a breakdown all its components need synchronize accurately to keep it running smoothly.

    I compare them to those tiny wheels of a wristwatch. If the battery weakens or the teeth get damaged it stops. An infatuation turns in to Love only if it keeps two people fascinated by each other forever. When this fascination stops Love disappears. There nothing you could do about it.

    I have no problems when people get touchy. I have come across many touchy people in my professional life. There was this guy whom I met in a different company to whom I outsourced some work. One day I found him in front of my office. He wanted employment in my company. After speaking to his former employers and with their consent I employed.

    He fell in love with one of my employees and started neglecting work. He was often away from work with girl. He was denying he had anything to do with her but not concentrating on his work. So I fired him and week later the girl resigned too. Two weeks later he stood in my front office and wanted to speak to me in privacy.

    He started to cry uncontrollably and said he had bought an expensive car on a bank loan and it would be taken away if he did not was employed to pay for it. He also told me that he was in love with that girl and is about to get married. Not only did he want start work again but also asked if I would give back the girls job.

    After feeling sorry for this guy I told him he could start working but not the girl. The reason being I would not want two people to be away from work at anytime at the same time. He married her and when she was pregnant he started taking out other girls who fell for his expensive car. Now which one would you blame? I can’t fire him for running after other women because his work habits were ok.

    The girl called me one day and complained. I said to her “You just fell for the wrong guy and I had no part to play in it. If you sleep with dogs, you wake up with fleas.
  • may
    By
    may
    17.06.13 06:13 PM
    thanks for the article. by the way I am not interested in social cleaning my interest in these fields are only from research point like a student of behavioural science.
    Lastly some of my female friends (in india )life are affected by men without back bones unfaithful husbands etc so I may be bit touchy about the subject, they are my close friends.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_statistics#India
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    17.06.13 05:38 PM
    No laws can stop a man or a woman cheating. A biological urge of living beings is like a tsunami. Anything to stop it will just be washed away. Extra marital relationships would continue to take place on earth no matter where or in what country.

    A man who seeks a prostitute would always certainly find one. A woman who makes money by prostituting will also attract her men. No amount of laws can stop prostitution. People who think it would are living in a Fantasia land. If one reads what’s happening in Sweden after those laws came in would understand the truth.

    Most Swedish prostitutes have moved to Denmark and all Swedish men who want their services are going over to Denmark according this article. If we try to live in a real world than in a fictitious one we could stop wasting our energy for nothing. Keep your backyard spotlessly clean.

    The world will never be rid of Prostitution. It may be on that day that earth stands still. No more Jesus Christ’s or other prophets will ever step into this earth to put it right. I would bet the laws would change sooner or later in Sweden.

    Read the Article about what’s happening in Sweden.

    RESULTS SO FAR
    1. More violent sex trade
    2. The law is condemned by the legal system
    3. Prostitution moves abroad
    4. Prostitution in Sweden finds new ways.
    8. Summary:
    http://www.bayswan.org/swed/flashback_sweden.html

    Ideals are like distant stars. They can guide you but you would never reach them.
  • may
    By
    may
    17.06.13 04:41 PM
    Many international communities is available with social cleansing aim. I am not saying that I am perfect I just commented on something I saw in my life time in India. men madly in love with a woman ( openly declaring) and marrying another one his parents put in front of them. Women accepting men who deserted them for other women then coming back to them. this I see as a lack of self esteem. Why an employed well to do woman has to put up with such treatment.
  • may
    By
    may
    17.06.13 04:26 PM
    Many people get exploited because of male and female prostitution so I vote for Swedish laws it is an age old practice which can be abolished.If Sweden can do it others also can do it!
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    17.06.13 02:41 PM
    You may want read answers about people who think they are Perfect.

    http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20110814163141AA6NUxV
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    17.06.13 02:22 PM
    @May,

    Correction:
    I know about this four fingers pointing at me when I point one at someone else. I am pointing not any finger at you. Just giving my point of view on your comments.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    17.06.13 02:00 PM
    @May,

    To you my name sound like a woman’s' name. I can give you examples of hundreds of men having feminine names. Don't make that your business.

    You are interfering with my fundamental rights to call me by whatever name that pleases me.

    I know about this four fingers pointing at me when I point one at someone else. I am pointing any finger at you. Just giving my point of view on your comments

    If you have a perfect married life and husband so faithful to you I simply don't understand why you are so angry about everything that’s going in the world.

    Are you some kind of a messiah trying save this world? Unfortunately this world is made up all what you say is wrong. You angry voice will not be heard outside the membership of The NRI.

    Hats of to you to surviving and standing up tall in a male dominated world. Many women do not have that rare talent.

    If your life is so perfect its good for you. Do you have kids? If you do have, was it not the sexual urge that made you have sex? In your opinion only animals have the urge for sex.

    I know many people that belong to the Me! Me! Me! Generation. The entire world has to follow their perfect way of life. You should start a social cleansing movement to make the perfect world of your dreams.

    As long I am a strong man I don’t need to break my heart about backboneless men. They can only hurt themselves. Learn to ignore what is bad and to do everything to keep your perfect life. I must say you are a one in a million woman who has a perfect husband. I would love to fly all the way to India at my cost only to meet Mr. and Mrs. Perfect.

    I could come and tell the world to be like you. Where do you Live?
  • may
    By
    may
    17.06.13 01:28 PM
    rajpriya,
    One thing I encountered in my life is observing many Indian men breaking the promises they made to their fiancées/wives and marrying women of their family's choice. Some of these women are still unmarried. So probably I am bit one-sided. One of my classmate is also still unmarried since she was molested by her well behaved cousin (as per outside show).
  • May
    By
    May
    17.06.13 01:06 PM
    Rajpriya,
    Sex is not everything in life. There are many other aspects to life than sex. Sometimes sexual perversion occurs because of some other serious psychological deficiencies in one's life.
  • may
    By
    may
    17.06.13 12:54 PM
    Rajpriya,
    I had the privilege to observe Indian men at close quarters since I was surrounded by men all the time since I born into a family as a single girl for two generations, uncles, brothers,cousins etc. I also entered into a profession dominated by men. I never had any problem with suitors from Indians or foreigners. my husband never said I turn him off it is only other way around.
  • may
    By
    may
    17.06.13 12:41 PM
    Rajpriya,
    If you point a finger at someone then four fingers are pointed towards you. For your information I am a married Indian woman, and my husband is one who has the courage to call a spade a spade nothing else. he is one believe in a single wife /love for life time. Yesd both of us met men and woman without backbones as our friend husband/wife etc. By the way being a man why u blog under a female's name. Lastly if a man is behaving just like an animal regarding sexual urge what about his character or will power how he is different from animals.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    17.06.13 10:29 AM
    @May,

    You seem to have a whole heap of problems with men. Men seem to let you down and continue to disappoint you. Your relationship (s) has or have failed. A spine is an important part of the human anatomy. Without it a sexual act may be difficult or even impossible.

    Legal or illegal if a man desperately needs to screw he would find a way. I cannot see the point you are trying to make about spineless men? You can dig out for enough news of prostitution on www. Prostitution is found everywhere and there are enough women to provide this service - the oldest profession on earth. Drugs are banned but people do not stop selling them. Governments are bringing in laws to curb human freedom but all laws built in loopholes

    All those stuff you are talking about have become part of everyday life in the world. If a woman cannot satisfy a man’s sexual needs he goes looking for it elsewhere and according to you he becomes spineless? There are women who never could turn on men.

    A man who is troubled by severe biological urges has an easier option than resort to rape. I should find its ok if he finds a prostitute to satisfy his needs rather than take to rape.

    You biggest problem: you seem to be bumping only into cheating men. The problem could be you. You may be simply turning men off. Tough luck. Nevertheless I wish you would one day find your all exclusive man.

    Having said that I wish you change the way you look at the world. If you look for good things you would find them too but seriously.
  • may
    By
    may
    17.06.13 02:04 AM
    Prostitution is legalised in some countries and in other countries it is illegal even to provide/buy such services (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution_in_Sweden). I feel if one marry a spineless man he will always be spineless. Moreover spineless men break more hearts than one. If his wife get raped in front of him he may not be courageous enough to rescue her.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    15.06.13 11:38 AM
    From Houston to San Francisco, sex slavery is an underground operation that makes the masterminds behind it millions, while making the girls who perform the sex acts nothing.

    There is no room for Karma when it boils down to a Biological Urge.

    Read on:
    http://voices.yahoo.com/sex-slaves-us-902823.html?cat=9
  • SRT
    By
    SRT
    15.06.13 03:29 AM
    Yes,May you are right but those are all same as other third world countries where you have these services for both rich and poor. Why you see more India is, we have 1.3 billion population and even if a small fraction say 30 million are like that, then it really seems very high. 30 million is more than Nevada's poulation!!. Unfortunately these bad apples exist in every country and of course I am happy I no longer live in India
  • May
    By
    May
    15.06.13 02:39 AM
    Mothers are very possessive of their sons why? One explanation I heard from an NGO from India is that she do not get respect and love from her husbands family so she hold on to her sons it seems. So the cycle continues. SRT I heard that major cities of India has two kinds of brothels one like red street for the poor then another for rich clients something called call girls, who live in rich areas in normal looking houses.
    Lastly I feel it is really very bad to exploit vulnerable girls/ women esp in a country which teaches KARMA.
  • Dr_idli
    By
    Dr_idli
    14.06.13 11:37 PM
    This is one of the longest and most entertaining comment section on the website ! hilarious at times . So now what next , is it the mother's fault that indian men are how they are ? that they never got a hug when they were a kid ? Lol , please continue ...
  • SRT
    By
    SRT
    14.06.13 11:23 PM
    May,
    Agreed India has 30m aids cases, but for the population of 1.3 billion the percentage seems consitent with the other countries.
    Most of these aids are due to illitracy, but this discussion is more focussed on the middle class people who are 100% litrate. I can tell you the percentage of Aids would be in fractions and that is mostly because these men dont frequent to prostitutes as they are aware of the diseases. They mostly hunt for someone who is vulnerable women who is looking for a loving and caring person. These men take advantage of that.
    Also there are other categories of Indian men who being spineless get married to someone whose parents have chosen and later down the line they find a women who they really love but just cant get out of what parents have thrust on them.
    Problem is the mothers are too possesive of their sons and just cant give them up to anyone, so they choose a women of their choice believing that that women wont take their son away, but when that doesnt happen you see mother and daughter in law at logger heads and spineless man just caught in between
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    14.06.13 09:01 PM
  • may
    By
    may
    14.06.13 07:31 PM
    world bank estimate is very conservative >30m Indians are living with AIDS
    http://search.unaids.org/search.asp?lg=en&search=india. Outside sex part may have something to do with these stat SRT
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    14.06.13 11:12 AM
    "Why Indian Men are Still Boys".

    Taken for granted all the descriptions are absolutely true, it still puzzles me how they tick as great "Lover Boys" abroad.

    Looks like the "Indian Boys" are uncontrollable where ever they happen to be.

    Bad habits die hard.
  • M Pal
    By
    M Pal
    14.06.13 09:04 AM
    I have been married to an Indian guy for 12 years. Known him 14 years. He still won't stand up to his Mother.
    He was never 100% honest with them to begin with so imagine their surprise when they came for a visit and imagine my surprise when they said they were staying for 6 months! It was a nightmare for all of us and to this day at least once a month they will tell him to leave me and come home.
    Good luck American ladies if you fall for an Indian guy. make sure he doesn't lie about you!
  • SRT
    By
    SRT
    14.06.13 12:42 AM
    May, You got everything right regarding the tradition we have back in India but it is not as rampant as it look on the outside sex part. Many India men are too meek and may just be a good citizens and follow every thing what parents say. Some just focus on making money or education and forget the other happiness and few are like exactly what you said.
    But, one thing is for sure..We Indian men are spineless
  • may
    By
    may
    14.06.13 12:34 AM
  • may
    By
    may
    13.06.13 08:40 PM
    Jiillian,
    I think u are better of this guy, since he do not have any backbone or character. Many states in India the marriage is a business arrangement, money, power etc. I know many men from India escaped to US since if they return to India they will have problems since they broke the promises they gave to the girls or women and their families in India . So they accepted US passport and stay in US. Some of them are highly educated and good looking but do not enquire about their character in depth.
    On top of all these some states like Tamil Nadu marriages are arranged between very close relations like uncle niece, cousins etc. Men do not have the backbone to oppose these kind of traditions, even though they know the deleterious effect of such incest and girls do not have the self esteem to refuse these kind of marriages. In the case of uncle niece marriage the men may be 10 -20 yrs older than the girls. Men when they become mature start with prostitutes and anyone who provide free sex. By the time the niece attains the marriageable age these men have seen many pastures. She is lucky if he do not have aids.
  • SRT
    By
    SRT
    09.06.13 01:59 AM
    Jillian,
    Marriage system in India seems funny to outrside world and it is indeed funny.
    Parents first decide when to get to their children and then decide whom to get them married.
    Many criterias are considered like Family background, wealth, caste, girl's looks, color etc.
    Sometime one criteria can get overridden by another. In some cases Girls parent pay huge money mostly in southern states to get the best man. Greedy boy's parents may even choose incompatible girl for their boy just for the money. In your case the guy is from Kerala, so he may have gotten good money.
    Divorces are pretty low, generally any disputes are resolved by the parents from both sides and if it goes beyond that, the court will give six months to settle and even after that if it doesnt work then divorce may happen
    But, beware he may come back to you and play all the drama in the world to just have good sex. Just dont fall for it, unless you are ok to be that way, then it is a different story
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    09.06.13 12:22 AM
    I was seated in a Airport lounge when
    I typed the link. Here it is again clearly.

    Attyfamilylaw.com/marriage-laws-in-India/
  • jillian
    By
    jillian
    08.06.13 09:05 PM
    The link isnt working but thanks anyways. My ex bf told me he has alrdy registered his marriage and is now waiting for the traditional ceremony. He said he cant forget me. He married her because he needed someone to take care of his mom when his mom comes over here. He also went on to say sacarstic stuff like his fiance is rich.. unlike me. Etc etc. He said his fiance's family thinks he is handsome and awesome and do not know about what he has done in the past.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    08.06.13 09:15 AM
  • jillian
    By
    jillian
    07.06.13 07:42 PM
    how does the marriage system worked in india? if i may ask. can a marriage be annulled if u registered it for a few months??
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    06.06.13 02:06 PM
    Well! SRT, I rarely make inadvertent goof ups of others we know little of my business. I have a life of my own to be busy with.

    "Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor"

    Many Indian men whose women were chosen by parents have had a lifelong companionship and learned to love their women after they married and have lasted a life long.

    At what stage of life in your opinion, should a man start loving a woman? If I was not happy about the woman I married no one could stop me separating from her. That choice is available too.

    Don’t you think those who married for love don’t make children and raise them? Whether a marriage is arranged or for any other reason it all boils down to how long it would last. I was not an abnormal being who was not attracted nice looking girls. I had circle nice conservative girls who used to hang around my crowd of friends.

    I keep in touch with a majority of them and their families even today. There were people who gossiped that we had relationships but sex was the last thing we ever thought of. Flirtatious we were, but certainly sans sex.

    What you call love or love at first sight means -to me- being physically attracted to someone who in our eyes looks handsome or beautiful. To me it’s a temporary infatuation and when you get closer to it you learn the ugly side of Love as expressed many times in this discussion.

    When I married my objectives or priorities were not to make kids. Arranged or otherwise sex is a priority for all marriages. Having sex also results in having kids. When the kids came it made me a responsible parent. I love my kids and started loving my wife for bearing them.

    Your argument is Love before marriage and mine is my parents choice was good and learning her good qualities living with her made me gradually realize that after all my parents choice had worked and never made me regret. What you call love to me is coming to terms with a contract I agreed to sign and keep to the terms and conditions that bind me to that contract.

    This particular discussion “Why Do So Many Indian Men Cheat?” Is mostly about people who met online or in public places and instantly fell in the thing called Love and the disappointment that followed.

    Making my kids call some one else their Daddy means the lost love between a man and woman makes them innocent victims of Love gone awfully wrong.

    I don’t know much about those ugly guys and I wouldn’t notice them nor does it help knowing about them.

    It really pains me to hear that your partner may not have been your choice and vice versa. However, right now your priority is your special needs kid and the reason you stay together – a sacrifice.
  • SRT
    By
    SRT
    06.06.13 11:21 AM
    Oh Well, Rajpriya no one shoots their act and show it to others. We know only through their inadvertant goof ups.
    You know, Indian guys mostly go for an arranged marriage to a girl chosen by their parents thinking that their choice is a perfect fit for the guy. The guy just gets married even though the girl is not his type, so it is just an arrangement to breed a next generation and no love in it. Some men endure it and live their life or fall in love with the wife sometime down the line , some just wander around in search of someone and some nasty guys do the stuff that few experienced in this forum.
    Of course I have left India 15 years ago and married in a traditional Indian way, of course it wouldnt have my choice and may be same with her but our priority right now is to raise a our kid who is a special needs kid. So it is just one's priority that makes a difference.
    Having said that I have seen mnay Indian guys think that any girl they come accross would love to have sex with them no matter how ugly the guy looks :)
  • jillian
    By
    jillian
    06.06.13 10:14 AM
    I think there is no more love from me to him anymore. Thinking back, im kind of disgusted by what he did and how he treated women. He said that the only thing good about chinese girls is they have nice bodies. This made me cringe with absolute disgust. He also said that his fiance is not pretty and is chubby but hes fine with it because she comes from a good family. The things he said made me wanna expose him even more. He is the worst kind of men any woman can get. Not even fit to be a man. People used to warn me about indian guys esp those from kerela.. but irregardless of race,there r scums like him who do not deserve to be loved.
  • Amanda
    By
    Amanda
    06.06.13 12:25 AM
    @jillian
    I made the very choice to tell my Indian loves fiancé for the simple fact that he needed to be told on. If it seems to some the wrong thing to do then who cares. If a man truly loves his wife or wants to be a decent man then he wouldn't cheat to begin with. If anything by letting her know what's going on could save her a life of unfaithfulness and sorrow. Every woman wants to be treated as if they are somebody's number #1. I'm still in a state of confusion but am living my life. I will always love him but realize that I can't change the circumstances. I hope your able to have a light heart and the pain eases. It's easy to say he used you but I also know that guys fall in love and the reason they leave the one they love is they are not strong and that weakness will torment them until the end. Especially when the woman they had relations for is hurting so bad. There is a saying that "what goes around comes around" believe me it does. I still after telling my loves new wife about us hurt. It didnt take the memories or pain away. Actually it makes me miss him more because at times I have to ignore his calls for me. They say to always be there for the one you love and never cause them pain. It's a two way road they must take the steps needed to ease your pain. Do what your heart tells you and do it quickly so it's not a threat to him anyway. Obvisosly your in misery and even though telling her want change your pain it will bring some closure. Good luck and many blessings.
  • jillian
    By
    jillian
    05.06.13 09:59 PM
    @Amanda,
    Yes. I did love him with all of my heart. And yes. I lost sleepless nights over him and still now is. Does it absolutely cause my heart so much pain?? Yes it does. When u"ve done so much for someone and he just took you for granted like as if i am supposed to do it.. how would u feel? When u r not doing it well and he blamed u for it.. how would u feel?? I admit its love on my part... but did he love me wholeheartedly? i believe whether he loved me truly or not is not important anymore but Just blame it on my plain stupidity and i seriously dont know what else to think. I maybe selfish in wanting to tell his fiance about him but i also do not wish to see this girl wasting her life with him.
  • Amanda
    By
    Amanda
    05.06.13 09:11 PM
    @Jillian
    It seems you love this man with all your heart. Is that not the case? Does it absolutely cause your heart so much pain that you can't sleep at night? It was love on your part! Girl, I believe we can only control our own actions. Any decision you choose will be what is supposed to have been done. In life there are many paths, if one chooses to go off their path it is only foreseeable that they will have to face obstacles to get back on track. Life is hard without someone. Especially if its someone we truly cared for then our world is damaged and the extent of damage depends on how quickly we let go. Sometimes we never let go. Best wishes and remember who you are. Anything you say about this past love is well deserved. Let this choice come from your heart and pray for everlasting peace.
  • jillian
    By
    jillian
    05.06.13 01:35 PM
    @SRT,
    I know i sound like a crazy ex gf who came from hell. I actually created a fake facebook account to communicate with him as another girl. He was back in india to visit family and meeting his fiance for the first time. I talked to him and he actually said that he wanna meet me when he is back and even suggested going to a sleazy hotel. I pretended to ask him if his fiance knows about what he is doing. He said as long as he doesnt tell her and feeling wise, he will only love her but body wise, he doesnt mind sleeping with strangers. I am thinking of showing his fiance the conversation that we had. Is that even enough for her to trust my words?
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    05.06.13 12:58 PM
    @SRT,

    “Rajpriya, please dont keep generalizing Indian men, I am Indian too. I have seen married Indian women with kids have had sex with White men”.

    You have heard about them having sex but I don’t think you have seen them having sex?

    If an Indian man continues to live with his Indian wife knowing that she is having sex with a white man or any other then, I would think he is happy that some one is giving her what he himself can’t.

    Husbands and children are no barriers if a woman wants to get sex if she badly needs it.

    This article is about "Why Do So Many Indian Men Cheat?" I am not generalizing what is already general reading most comments. If I am correct no woman has so far described about being married to a Good Indian Man.

    NRI needs an article: “I am married to A Perfect Indian Man” to put this right.

    I am an Indian by birth. I grew up outside India with my Indian parents. I have never lived in India except for the first three months after my birth. My marriage was arranged and I remain married to the same Indian woman until today.

    I have Indians closely known to me both men and women who fit your description married to different races. The question about all these relationships is centered on the word LOVE and how long it would last.
    As long as LOVE is one sided it is destined to breakdown. You need two to Tango.
  • SRT
    By
    SRT
    05.06.13 10:49 AM
    Jillian, you were just used by him. You know Indian men have flair for Chinese women more than Caucasians since their physique fits more to their likings and size. This guys used you only for sex and I dont think he ever once was in love with you, best thing to do is to tell his wife's family and save that poor girl from this nut. I have many Indian colleagues who are happily married to Chinese and they always say that was their best ever step they took and did not buckle to family pressure.
    Rajpriya, please dont keep generalizing Indian men, I am Indian too. I have seen married Indian women with kids have had sex with White men.
  • jillian
    By
    jillian
    05.06.13 10:05 AM
    I really dont know if i shld or not. She is probably too in love with him to believe my words. But i have evidence about all the nasty stuff he said.However, i know her mom has a facebook.. im also contemplating to tell her as well. Mothers know whats best for their children.

    Sorry for not making myself clear. He actually borrowed money ftom me every time my salary comes and i usually have nothing left for myself and i had to give my parents lesser money and risk of not having enough to pay my own bills and school fees. He did however, returned me through installments by borrowing from somewhere else after the break up. He also said that he hope his new wife could get a job after she comes over to stay with him so that he can solve some money issues. He is in debt because of the loan he took up for a part time degree. I was with him whenever i could.. i gave him all the attention he needed and at last he told me he wont feel bored and go online to find girls because he can have sex everyday with his wife when she comes over here. These words just broke my heart too much.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    05.06.13 07:19 AM
    @Jillian,

    The only thing your Indian guy loved is your money. Here is another who had all his bills paid even expanded his house in India at the expense of a non-Indian woman he met abroad. This guy like many others had come with a fixed plan. Find a place to live, educate himself, make money, have as much sex as possible and one day get married to an Indian woman who won’t believe one word you say against him.

    After 5 years you have the bitter experience and you paid all his bills to get it. To an Indian guy it is not cheating. An Indian man is like a DOOR. He keeps grabbing all opportunities that keep knocking on him - the DOOR.

    He comes abroad looking for what he can’t get in India - good living, education, money, and sex. He gets them too. Is that what they call COOOOOOL?
  • Sai Prasad
    By
    Sai Prasad
    05.06.13 03:16 AM
    Jillian, I think you should so that an innocent Indian girls life is not ruined.
  • jillian
    By
    jillian
    04.06.13 10:06 PM
    I broke up with my indian ex-boyfriend of almost 5 years 5 months ago. I broke up with him because he wasn't honest and would constantly chat up girls online and suggested to meet up for sex. We had talks on our future plans and he would always say that if in case ,we don't get married, he would just find another indian girl to settle down (i am a chinese by the way). He used to always say how he didn't want indian girlfriends because they are the biggest drama ever. He is now happily engaged to another indian lady whom he met through a matrimonial website. He said he is deeply in love with her now.Throughout the 5 years, i kept giving him chances and hoping he would change because he promised me every single time that he would stop befriending random girls online. i guess i was just stupid to have believed him and hang on for so long. I also helped him to pay his debts and bills, sent money back to his hometown to help his mother expand the house. I gave him whatever I could. I didn't expect much from him because i loved him so much. Before the break, he told me he has been having fever, flu and cough and even backaches and severe headaches and he said he was scared because he slept with a few other women in the past (he said he did it before he knew me) and when i asked him to go for a STD/HIV test since he said he was scared because he has been having symptoms, he refused and gave a ton of excuses like his symptoms are nearly gone and he has no money to take the test. In the end he went for it and results came out negative. He even asked me for money for the test. Even thou he's an idiot,i am having problems moving on now that he has moved on. He said that all chinese girls' attitude suck and indian girls' attitudes are even worst. He married this girl because she has good family values and her family treats his nice. i am contemplating about telling his soon to be wife about him. I am struggling inside to make this decision if i should or not because the girl and her family seems really nice and well to do and i wouldnt want her to waste her life on this jerk.
  • SRT
    By
    SRT
    03.06.13 04:56 AM
    Amanda,

    Well, you know Zaheer belongs to muslim religion and that religion believes in Bigamy. He will have no problem showing or pretending to love you as they are used to such things. It would be wise not to fall into the trap, you never know how he will be using you.
  • Amanda
    By
    Amanda
    30.05.13 11:21 AM
    @Rajpriya
    I'm going to clarify some of my posts so they can be interpreted as they are intended to be. In my life I find the best in someone before I look at the bad. When I sent the picture of me and Zaheer to Rizwanna it was because I felt his shame on how he let me down. He didnt just hide from what he had done he was embarrassed that he couldn't stand ground to his parents. Why I'm defending him after seeming so angry is because I know his heart and his upbringing from his parents shine in him. Since this marriage he has fallen to pieces and I'm upset because for me to help him and stand by the man that completes me I must listen to his heart. When he is getting late for work and suffering from alcohol addiction now it worries me. I'm unable to bare his child.. His sister tried to find ways we could hide this. My having two previous children and being divorced was very hard for him to tell to his parents. My anger is pain and that's because I'm always missing him. When we first met I kissed him and in that very moment I told him "we are meant to find eachother but not now" it's a feeling that shot through my soul. How happy we were together until the unbearable moment where he had to face the inevitable. His parents are not well and his dad was in hospital during his visit there. He has compassion for his parents and its understandable that he didnt want to cause them worry. It's time to let go of the stereotypical thought that I was easy for him to use. Matter fact he posted me on his Facebook as the one he wanted to walk his path of happiness with. Things don't always go as planned but if its meant to be then there is no stopping it. I will not be with him as a married man but I hope you understand that having shared every dream, fear and ambitions with eachother there is a strong spiritual bond. It's kinda like when you go to call a friend and they call you at the same time. He is my half that makes me whole and being without him has actually made my heart grow fonder. As for his marriage and his obligations I can never stand in his way but see much deeper than what the typical person might see. He is lost without me and that's why after I sent the picture of us at his graduation to his wife he lost it. But that anger left quickly as he called me over. We didnt do anything to violate the marriage but he held me, kissed my forehead and said sleep now and forgive me. I felt used because I worked so hard keeping everything tidy around the house, making his appointments, cooking his dinner just to be forgotten in my mind. In reality he remembers everything. I'm in menopause so wanting sexual relations wasn't the criteria to our happiness. It was the laughs, dreams and smile that we shared. The feeling of being comfortable and at one with eachother. He adored that I didn't care what others thought and I tried so hard preparing his food. I remember how he would insist on having friends and co workers come over just to have them try my cooking. Lol it was always to spicy for them but he loved it. He would sing to me and cook very delicious meals as well. He was a perfect father to my children and always kept their best interest at heart. So, I just want to respond to the comment its woman like me whom make it easy for Indian men to cheat. "It is a woman like me who can change the way a man see's beauty" items I feel he betrayed me but at that same note I can forgive him, if its meant to be it will be... His text to me this evening at 11:30pm after a week of no texting showed me that the moments we cherish can't be replaced. I'd also like to add that if one loves so deep they can speak harsh words to eachother. If they have no love then it's a waste of breath to argue in the first place. I'm sure everyone that has loved can relate to that. God bless you for your insight as my comments are just relating to why I feel my Indian man cheated.
  • Amanda
    By
    Amanda
    30.05.13 10:31 AM
    @SRT I'm very confident he started as a fraud but I happen to know him from the deepest inner most part of his being. He is in love with me and that's why he can't let me go. It isn't a sexual thing with Ali. Or we would have had a lot more of that. It was a connection that I felt we were a team. When I hear of comments individuals leave about Indian man just wants what they believe are easy it disgusts me. How about the western woman who found her one connection and never bothered to question his race or nationality? I felt at home with him. Maybe having the open mind of meeting halfway and adjusting to accommodate and respect the beauty of eachothers customs came so easy for us. I appreciate your words of wisdom and hope that my specific reasons for why I feel he cheated matter to me. The most important reason is pressure. His co-workers expressed that to me. Many of his peers have stated he called me "his angel". When mad I show it but when it all comes down to the final response from me I will stand by him so long as he reaches out for me and there is hope. I never lose that hope. Until that day comes I'll just keep all these feelings inside, for the right time. I can promise even though he married, I know what position I hd to him. I will always care for my Zaheer Ali :) pain is self chosen.
  • Amanda
    By
    Amanda
    30.05.13 10:06 AM
    @Priya
    I find the examples of the German man very interesting. It's sad that the few people in the world who believe in humanity and trust all people get hurt the most. Many don't understand what pain my ex caused me around my neighborhood. Only one side comments on here suggest its my fault he would cheat. I was with him first. If one could see the looks I get for being with this man. The fights he got into defending me. There are so many prejudice people that there is know way anyone could say its him whom is blackmailed. It is me who faces my family and neighbors now. I only sent the picture of me and Zaheer to his wife not her family. So if I'm being portrayed as a fatal attraction lover... Defiantly I'm not! I'm more of a "sleepless in Seattle" or like Rose on the "Titanic" my heart goes on but my love sunk in a body of water so deep that I'm left with picking up all the pieces. Good luck to you and may you have many blessings in you time. :)
  • Priya
    By
    Priya
    29.05.13 07:11 PM
    "One will never understand this feeling of being torn until they lose the one that only could make them whole. If not in this life I’m sure we will cross paths again."
    Only when a person looses someone they love they would realize how it feels. That is my only comparison RAJ. I never compare my life with anyone else or narrate another persons story over and over and I never beat around a bush to prove I am right in any comment :)

    Raj it is only this one line that I did mention similar to my understanding and circumstance. You do not need to compare her whole life story to mine. Kindly read the comment well before you comment.


    Thank u for all the support. Yes by Gods grace I am stronger now and have decided to move on in life. I thank eachone who has supprted me at one point to help me realize the fact that we all have just one life and its best to cross the hurdles and keep walking. All the very best to all in life. God bless.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    29.05.13 10:56 AM
    @SRT,

    You said it right. There is a huge difference between an Indian man and an Indian woman that go overseas for education. While an Indian man would indulge in all the extracurricular (wine, women and song) stuff available abroad most Indian women would stay focused on completing their education and settle down to a decent one-man way of life.


    Here is the true story of a German family I know. I lived in a different village for a year and my German neighbor became a close friend of my family. Even after I moved out of that village our friendship continued. He had two sons. One of them became a lawyer.

    Brought up in a conservative German environment the lawyer son was an out of the ordinary gentleman type of guy. He was a soft spoken, shy, and a pleasant personality. One day he went on a holiday to Cuba, met a woman in the beach, and fell in love with her. He returned to Germany to discuss with his parents for their blessings.

    Since he had no other girl in his life before in Germany (quite unusual in the 21st century for any German boy) his parents blessed him by going all the way to Cuba for the modest church wedding attended by relations and people known only to the Cuban Girl. The story that unfolded after she came over to Germany, is worth making a movie on.

    She turned into a Drama Queen. Every four or five months she got home sick, made this this man buy several bags full of German stuff to impress her family in Cuba. This was a woman who was from a Cuban slum hanging around the beach to pray on foreign tourists. The boy became unhappy and could not afford the luxury life she had made plans to live in.

    All peaceful talks with her to settle to a modest life style failed. She started threatening to commit suicide often with violent outbursts of anger. The love affair ended in courts and even living in separation did not stop her visiting him to threaten him for money.

    Now separated she is said to be changing her men often that support her newly acquired life style in the west.

    Years later he gets involved with an eastern European woman who came to him to file divorce proceedings against her husband.

    Trusting her, he confides all the experience with the Cuban woman. I think any one could easily guess what unraveled there after. He had to go to courts to get out of another mess with so much mental stress to his parents who are more heart broken than their son.

    Half way through in his 50s’, I am dead certain in spite of what all happened to previous relationships he would continue to want to find the love of his life. It is normal for any man or woman to want a life’s companion for keeps. Its just bad luck that a good person meets the wrong person at times.

    Life must go on and it’s a dead end only when we are dead. Life provides many opportunities to take U-Turns as long as we live.
  • SRT
    By
    SRT
    29.05.13 01:55 AM
    Amanda, the guy you loved is fraud, there are many Indians who come with a mindset of having fun with a white woman and then disappear thinking that these women wont mind. But, not all Indians are that way, I have not dont that. I feel very sorry for you, just keep in mind that if you meet an Indian who claims to love and marry you, it is just he is expresing to have sex with you and that is the end and all other stuff he gives is BS.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    29.05.13 12:30 AM
    @Priya,

    I am surprised that you find that you have something common with Amanda. You married someone chosen by your parents and as per Indian tradition, culture and loved him. I found nothing wrong with that. The choice your parents made has gone wrong.

    In Amanda’s story she had fallen in love with an Indian who went to US for education. I believe that you both loved your men very deeply. The similarity ends with that part.

    Probably Amanda’s man had his future wife was chosen before he went overseas. According to her narration he found it convenient to use her to over come his financial shortcomings and may be had sex before marriage that would not be normally possible in India. He used her until he needed her and dumped her for an Indian wife. In both cases the Love has been one sided.

    If you read her comments correctly you would know how she tried to blackmail him back to her by sending photographs of them together to every relation known to her of that man. If she calls that an unending love I refuse to understand. You never hurt someone you love irrespective how bad he or she is to you. The end could not be anything good.

    Things any one could have done to you in the past should not influence nor stand as an obstacle to your future. As a one who wishes a bright future for you I most welcome your statement “he will never be the only one”.

    The man who did not want to be with should not define your future. Now that you have made that decision you could define your future. If my comments were unacceptable and that made you change your mind that “he will never be the only one” you have become a much stronger person than Amanda. That’s exactly I expected you to do.

    About the part anyone being always right is, there are always two sides to any story. In the Oprah Show the two disagreeing people are brought in to an open discussion so that both could come out with their side for proper observations could be made to find if the two could ever be brought together again.

    In the absence of the second side of any difficult relationship bringing people together would be difficult. If my comments upset you I agree I have failed to make them acceptable. However I do not accept that you and Amanda have similar circumstances.

    No trouble will trouble you the moment you decide to end it. That's what I want you to do. Start living your life this minute. Its too short.
  • Priya
    By
    Priya
    28.05.13 07:36 PM
    Hello Raj,

    Thank u for the comment.

    Just making it clear I am not the kind of women who would fall for mens silly flowery comments. Never been and never will. I been married to the man my family chose for me.
    For the point where u say we all like to feel we are right. Sorry cant agree....I know I am right and that is why I say so. Hurt, yell, gamble, cheat etc etc....well i am sure anyone can say who is wrong.
    Its sad you have not understood me despite being my long comments of what I been through.Till this very point only one man has been in my life and thats my X husband. But heres the good news, he will never be the only one. I learned from my past and I know the kind of man I need in my life.

    I have not been unloading any of my sadness and new experiences here for a reallly long time. I have just commented on one of the posts what I felt is right just the way you have been doing.

    Nothing personal. Just like u and anyone else I am here to speak my views.

    Thank u for the advice on leaving the past in the past. Yes I am sure doing my best.
    Like Amanda says I totally agree on her one point. The one who has gone through it would only know how it feels.

    A bit of advice to all women out there who have been through hell as u fallen in love with the wrong man(Indian man). Dump them and moveon. Trust me the day u get them out of ur heart and mind, you are a free bird. They are just not worth ur love. Dont waste ur time trying to pin them down. Rather live ur life to the fullest and make them feel sorry for leaving u. Trust me this works so much better than wasting ur time messing with their life or trying to prove ur point of u once loving them or u now hating them. Just live.........
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    28.05.13 03:50 PM
    @Amanda,

    I trust your undying love towards this Indian guy. I think now that he is married you should not encourage him coming to you anymore. Otherwise you are aiding and abetting him to cheat on his wife.

    The crux of this post is exactly "Why do so many Indian men Cheat". May be its because of people like you Indian men cheat.

    Even after he left you and got married to an Indian woman you are trying to break up his marriage by posting photographs to his family and God knows what else you would get up to.

    Finally if you win by getting him back after he has children by the Indian woman you have ruined that Indian woman’s and her childrens’ life.

    The movie “Fatal Attraction” is about a computer specialist sued for sexual harassment by a former lover turned boss who initiated the act forcefully, which threatens both his career and his personal life. I am certain you have watched this movie yourself and I only hope you are not inspired it.

    I am sorry I had to say this after reading your many of your comments. No one else has thought it was necessary or dared to tell you.
  • Amanda
    By
    Amanda
    28.05.13 08:00 AM
    Believing that I could walk away from a love some may only find in a thousand years is so scary to me. I walked away to bring peace to my loves life. Normally one might say never give up on love or walk away from someone you once held. My situation is completely heartbreaking in that I fell in love in a spiritual way that somehow connected me to my Indian love. If I say that deep down inside he was horrible it would be a lie. My heart goes on but the pain doesn't. I dream of a world where love overcomes all traditions and expectations. Just yesterday my ex called me to come and couldn't understand why I didn't go. If anything in this life could bring him home to me, it has to happen while I'm absent from him. If our love is strong and meant to be it will but until then I could never interfere with the marriage he has vowed to. I believe it's not just he came here and felt free, but rather he came where his spirit brought him. I believe he wasn't strong in the presence of family and his weakness is his love for me. Maybe I seem angry ready to test others but in the end I'm just in shock that the world has separated two hearts that were guided to each other. It's sad but true. As mad as I am my heart still yearns for him. One will never understand this feeling of being torn until they lose the one that only could make them whole. If not in this life I'm sure we will cross paths again. God bless all that suffer this feeling.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    27.05.13 06:19 AM
    @Priya,

    After watching two German formula 1 drivers win the first and second places in the Monaco Grand Prix yesterday I happened to watch “Friday evenings with Oprah” on TV.

    Yes! This post looks like would never end because every now and then someone is coming with their own disappointing experience with Indian men. Interestingly many American men who were suspected of cheating on their wives faced the lie detector.

    During the course of the show a book named “Truth about Cheating” written by Gary Neuman was introduced. It caught my attention immediately because only a day earlier I had made a comment on this post at NRI.

    Reading an introductory short version of the story (Book is on sale at Amazon) I thought this it would be an interesting book for all women and men to read.

    Love is strange thing. Mostly women are known to fall easy for cute compliments made by men. Compliments make women attracted to a man. Once a man has initially succeeded in attracting a woman with compliments (whether she deserves them or not) he builds on this acceptance of true or false compliments with a cunningness nature has bestowed on him. He works hard until a woman is well and truly in his clutches.

    If one looks critically into this aspect you would also know that women reject even the most honest of compliments or flattery coming from a not so good-looking man.

    Please do not take these comments personally. How long a love or relationship lasts is a two way game. Women also play (as discussed in this show) a major role in relationships lasting or breaking up.

    It's normal that everyone thinks he or she is always right. In German language the word for this attitude is “Rechthaberisch”. I would not go deeper into this subject because I am neither a marriage counselor nor a human psychologist who could deal with broken marriages.

    However, I am a strong believer in giving a chance for wounds to heal and refrain from scratching them over and over again.

    Starting a new life or often called turning over a new leaf or chapter in your life means you should bury the old one as quickly as possible and be ready to start new. A balance from the old experiences should never be brought forward into your new life.

    Balances brought forward are good only for accounting purposes when money is involved. At all difficult times in life, a faultfinding mission would only lead to another failure than help go forwards. Start being positive and see you do not repeat the mistakes and your future man would not like to know of your past.
  • Priya
    By
    Priya
    26.05.13 04:58 PM
    This post is never going to end. Hopefully it would end for me some day though.

    Men are men ...Indian or non indian. Western or indian born. The traits are more or less the same. That is what I have realized with time. Culture, respect, family values exist in every country. Those who know it value it and those who were never thought, will never know. One learns from their family or their life experiences and that makes them the person who they are. One has the freedom to choose what is good for mi or her. Choice to choose what u want to be despite all you been through and taught. Sadly many pick the wrong behavior.
    Western world is always an open ground for Indian men to enjoy their life secretly while they keep their good image safe in their home country. We all have the right to live our lives to the fullest, but kindly make sure it should never be at the cost of another person or family's happiness. Those men who do not value women growup for heaven sake and learn to be a man. If you do not have the guts to marry the women you love or do not have the guts to speak to your family of the women u love. Then why on earth do you even bother starting such a relationship. Choose someone from your own country. Make it clear to a women u meet overseas no plans of marriage just chilling. Why on earth fool them, make false promises. If you have the back bone of a man, then marry the women you love OR as a looser hide the truth and walk away.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    25.05.13 12:07 PM
    To all the western Ladies.

    Being highly educated Indian parents does not necessarily mean the well-educated techies were taught how to treat a western woman. Expectations of western women in Indian men based on: coming from a highly educated family, high technical qualifications, and good looks and other qualities can end in disappointment as expressed by many through this article.

    The western women need to qualify on what to expect from an Indian man. Even all the qualifications in the west do not provide the western women enough education to change an Indian man’s attitude towards treating them better or decently. There should be special Universities in the west for Indian men. To learn what western women expect and how they need to change their attitude. Prepare them for the basics of a life with western women. This may help but with no satisfaction guaranteed and with no dowry money refunded.

    Indian men and women grow up in an Indian four-walled family asylum right into their adult life. The first window they could see through is the West. When they leave their refuge a life to the “Free West” the educational qualification is the only tool they take along for success. The west is for those let loose Indian men still the "good Ole" gun toting "Wild West."

    There was only one Indian who ever kept his word, never went back on his word, and never went back on what he uttered as a promise. The other being, he never uttered a lie in his life. These qualities led him to separation from his family.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harishchandra

    No Indian man wants to be separated from his family like "Harischandra" or like in the west. That’s the reason why they continue to keep telling lies for their family’s sake.

    Please do not tear us away from our Indian families.Indian men like to enjoy the best of worlds. Thank You
  • Amanda
    By
    Amanda
    24.05.13 01:36 PM
    When I exposed my Indian love to his wife after catching him up in his lies.. On Facebook i sent pics and explained he was a daily drinker and would drive drunk. She never said anything to him until his DUI came about .. Lol then she confronts him. Next he texts me saying "bloody bit** I hope you never have love in your life" he vowed to never see me again... Haha within two weeks I messaged him and he came to my house, then invited me to his several times after. These poor mothers and fathers of Indian girls specific because I know it happens everywhere they are arranged and if the truth gets exposed that they broke their marital vows the woman with proof like American woman sending them actual videos , phone records will get marriage annulled and then he can pay money owed from the terms of the marriage. Be brave beautiful Indian woman and get rid of new marriages that are fake with no good Liars, before its too late and then a actual divorce will be much harder to obtain. Eventually Indian woman will be ruling the house and the men will be waiting on them to return to get their visas... Girl power
  • Amanda
    By
    Amanda
    24.05.13 01:20 PM
    Angela I do believe your name came across my ex Indian loves wife's aunties friends list out of Huntsville, Alabama
  • Amanda
    By
    Amanda
    24.05.13 01:13 PM
    I really want to add that I spoke with my Indian boyfriends mom on several occasions where she asked me to please keep him safe in the USA. She knew we were dating matter fact at his college graduation party his uncle from Cali took pics of us. It was no surprise at all. Even all his brothers have spoken with me. What it boils down to is shame to face other fellow Indian couples in the USA. It might sound blunt but when your Indian love graduates, lands a job and moves expect in about a year he will take a trip to India to see family, get married, apply for her visa and within another year when he gets citizenship he will drop you, use you and get mad as hell when you send all your pictures to his wife including the ones after their marriage occurred and before she comes to join him and have his baby and live in the home why he works rarely leaving, maybe for church and back home. Have his lunch made at 12 when he comes for 30 min clean house and raise children. Sounds like a good life huh... Well maybe I will start acting like I know nothing and busting every lying no good man doing these things!!! No means am I talking about all Indian men but if the still don't have a job after graduation watch out they will keep you until they get settled then bye bye.... My plan is to date every one I can take pictures together kissing and send it to India times let their faces be know. That will be the best way to handle these guys.
  • Lynn Cee
    By
    Lynn Cee
    24.05.13 03:40 AM
    So glad I found this blog: Misery loves company and comic relief. Just experienced close encounters of a weird kind, right here in good ole' "Silly Valley" (CA), with two Indian-North Americans (one a Canadian, like me); both well-educated techies from highly educated families. Yet those two could have been raised at an asylum somewhere, given their controlling, Alpha-male, physically aggressive behavior — and in public! Just absolutely and blatantly fixated on the physical and extrinsic to the point where I felt like a Porterhouse steak at Whole Foods Market — and I am no youngster. Is it Internet oggling plus all those upper-middle class expectations and constraints that unhinges these guys in their downtime? And one of them appears to be married — to an attorney (not Indian) who looks like a bruiser who would take no guff or prisoners. Both have done major time in Texas ... and maybe that's an extra warning. One, a randy chimp-in-heat; the other, a smooth überliar and classic jerk.
    Needless to say, those two sullied my very high esteem (from afar) for Desi dudes. Also fairly needless to say: I bid both a glad farewell at the first opportunity to escape.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    08.02.13 02:16 PM
    Hi Dr_Idli

    Long time no hear. Yes I admit you may be right. My intention was to explain things in a less technical way so that even average people could understand.

    I have enough experience in fingerprinting of printing machines to establish the characteristic curve of each machine (they are all different for various reasons) so as to manipulate a the digital artwork to obtain the required result when priting.

    If I write on that then as you say the plot of this post may be lost. However,this all about why men are all different and why they do what they do.
    So forgive me if I did deviate.
  • Dr_idli
    By
    Dr_idli
    08.02.13 01:42 PM
    Rajpriya : that's an elaborate analogy ! Probably a statistician can have come up with a better one - maybe with the mean , a normal distribution curve , standard deviation ect ...

    This is definitely a very much commented post ! where somehow i just lost the plot !
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    08.02.13 01:35 PM
    The era of decent and good Indian men is long gone. You may find those isolated rare fine Indian gentlemen existing but they may be really very old and living until this day with their one and only women. Leaving India may be a solution looking for a white man. However a guaranteed 100% satisfaction may be very elusive. We humans are well known for looking for things that don’t exist.

    It could be an acid test. Acid tests are done to establish the pH value that is a measure of the strength of an acid or a base. It is indicated on a scale from 0-14. On printing machines the fountain solutions prevent the non-image areas of a printing plate taking on ink. If this solution is not of neutral pH value it may become impossible to obtain a clean print on paper. Too alkaline or too acidic solutions may end up in disastrous results. It may be you print a few hundred sheets or millions of prints. Cutting down the number of variables is important to get desirable and constant results right through to the end.

    The life of a man and woman is almost similar with the exception that any such standardization by bringing down variables may be impossible because imposing a quality control system for human production has not been invented so far. Therefore we need manage with what is available and make the best out of our lives and move on.
  • Priya
    By
    Priya
    07.02.13 09:12 PM
    Hi,
    After a long time. First Amanda let me say this is what a major portion of Indian men do. They maintain relationships with foreigners and marry Indian women. Usual excuse his parents forced him, religion, culture etc etc.......this is all nonsense said by major indians living overseas. Get out of there. He just needs a Indian women to do his housework and you alongside to satify his desires. Leave Amnada and live ur life with a decent man who values u as a wife and not a second women . All the best.

    Men are men. Been in India for more than a year and I tell you . I hate this place for all reasons. The men here are ridiculous. Let it be the CEO, MD ,Ex Director or MGR they all behave the bloody hell the same. You want a job then satify them. You want a promotion be with them. Insane lot...I am seriously thinking of finding a foreigner. Its pointless marrying an Indian. It runs in their blood they consider pride or power or competition. Its ridiculous just ridiculous.
    God knows how the women live in this country
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    04.02.13 10:23 PM
    “In India cheating is some sort of a birth right. It’s no shame to cheat”.


    You may be right. why on earth do we idiotic Indians continue wasting valuable energy and time on Lokpal and Lokayukta that deprive us of our birth right?
  • njoyguru
    By
    njoyguru
    04.02.13 08:01 PM
    yea cheating is the most praised and prized act in India. Specially when you do it on others to get your work done. It is considered as the best part of your intelligence. And when it's a matter of intelligence there is no point of reflecting.In India cheating is some sort of a birth right. It's no shame to cheat. Across India it is well practiced in different forms and levels. Irrespective of gender, education and economy cheating is a salient feature of Indian culture. As a whole sense of morality is quite different among Indians compare to western world. I guess it has to do with religion and quality of education.
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    28.01.13 01:23 PM
    Wow, Amanda, that is quite a story. I was with someone who "knew it wouldn't work" because of his parents but he was very forthcoming with that from the start. It must be heart breaking to know that you were lied to so much and that he didn't have the nerve to tell you how things honestly stood. You can't change this part of Indian society and very few men will ever go against their parent's or family's wishes -- it is what it is. The best advice I can give, if you don't mind, is to move on and never look back. Your self worth is very important and it will start to deteriorate under a false shell of a relationship and anything this guy can give you because you have such strong feelings for him (if it was just a fling this would not be the case, but you love him). Best of luck! -angela
  • Amanda
    By
    Amanda
    28.01.13 12:37 PM
    I'm at the right place for this topic. I think cheating goes on everywhere and culture or where your from doesn't matter. I've been involved with a Indian man for almost three years. He graduated and began working, then his parents wanted him to marry. He told me there was no future but kept hanging on to me. He left for his week trip to India taking leave from his job to get married. He called me often missing me telling me he didn't get married. Upon arriving back to the US he say's in October I'll be going back for marriage and still has relations with me. I became quite nosy and snooped while cleaning his room only to find his marriage certificate with the names and addresses of both her father and his. He continues to lie to me and maybe I'm in the wrong for being with him but after all I had him first and still even after marriage he is with me. What does this say for his marriage? Did he do it to only please his parents? Surely a man of his intelligence knows how easy for a woman to gossip would be. Just wanted to share my story.
  • raj
    By
    raj
    29.08.12 11:43 AM
    Lets not hide the fact that both Women and men cheat, Humans by instinct belong to the class of Polygamy, like Bulls, cows, dogs, peacocks, Lions.(But forced by society to follow Monogamy ) Unlike Japanese crane and Foxes who live with a single partner till death.

    Indian culture is 100% male domination. So no wonder that more Men cheat than Women. But Women admire Handsome men and fantasize even if they don't have the guts to go out for a relationship.
  • Priya
    By
    Priya
    21.07.12 10:44 AM
    Ha haaa...u sure made me laugh Rajpriya.

    Love that story.

    Go Girl Goo...thats the attitude that would work with such men.

    Why on earth do these fellows even bother to marry if they want to still have a boring bachelor life. When they are single they wanna be a couple and when a couple they wanna be single. Ridiculous!!!!!

    This topic is sure never ending and always fun to read.

    Hey Angela and Rajpriya u seem to be very positive women. Would be great to hear from the two of u. I know this isnt a friend search site. But am using the opportunity. Drop me a line if u wanna be friends. priyamathews2010@gmail.com

    Take care and God bless.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    21.07.12 01:43 AM
    @Indians blame women

    A muscular macho man married a good-looking woman. After the wedding he told her, "Here are my rules":

    “I will come home whenever I want, and I want no fuss from you. I expect a super dinner every evening, but I might call to tell you that I am not coming home. I'll go hunting, fishing, play cards and drink with my mates when I want and where I want, so you can’t lose your cool. These are my rules. What do you have to say?”

    So the newly married wife said. “Oh! That’s perfectly, OK by me. But you must know that that every evening sharp at eight I would be having sex whether you are home or not”

    Aw me Gawd!
  • Molly
    By
    Molly
    21.07.12 01:05 AM
    Here's a different perspective. A wife needs her husband for emotional, monetary, and family support right? If he is giving those things, he is supporting her, why should she divorce him (losing the income) over silly whores who will have sex with a married man? Wives don't want to have sex with their husbands as much as their husband's would like, but they do like the income... It's also good that they are discreet about it as telling the wife would worry, upset, and show disrespect to the honorable Mommy of the family (the truly important woman in this equation is the beloved wife). The wife wins here not the silly girl drinking wine and fucking a married man.
  • Priya
    By
    Priya
    16.07.12 05:28 PM
    Hi,

    This is the rough truth about indian marriages. You can agree with or not , its ur choice. Let me make it clear I am not here for an argument with anyone but just sharing my opinion.

    Indian marriages on a 90% are arranged. And yes to a large extent this is a problem- lack of intimacy, different views and entirely different wave lengths. BUT....the bigger problem is men chooose to marry indian women bcoz he knows indian women are perfect for getting all the house work done while they relax. Overseas hub and wife share the work equaly, which i believ should be the way as both work full time nowdays unlike the past. now when it comes to sex the men want th white women bcoz thats th fantacy . So indian women for their house work and whites for sex. If u think all foreigners are having mad sex after having kids, indian men ur worng. They are women just like indian women. Priorities, health, hormones so many things involved which causes change in them. You got to understand they have given birth to ur children, value it for heaven sake.
    Men who roam for different dishes will always be the same , no matter which country they are from. Unfortunately its more in India. White women are not sluts for ur kind info, i know so many very decent women and families leading superb family lives, people who value marriage and relations. High time you get this wrong thoughts out of ur head.
    Change urselves and realize what u have in life. Do NOT take ur wives for granted, bcoz if u do one day she will walk out and then it will be too late for u to fix things. And trust me no fantacy girl will be there for u.

    "Stop Taking Your Wives For Granted " Marriage is not all about sex. If thats what u prioritize , then my friends thats the problem that needs to be addressed. Grow up to be a man and then marry. The success of a marriage is the success of the man and its failure is his failure. And that is y we say the man is the head of the family, the head of the house. Its not just a line, it is very true. If u find ur wifes off track , well ur men get them back in th mood. Nothing is impossible, if u have the time to roam and search , adjust with other women- y cant u just use that time to get to knw ur women and bring back that love in ur lives.

    Women out there- Be broad minded get ur butts moving and keep urselves fit. Admit it tend to be sluggish after being a mom, but that is no excuse to put on weight. Dont do it for hub., but do it for your self.To be confident,pretty and healthy would mean to be a perfect mom, wife and women.

    Its never too late to change ur lives
  • srt
    By
    srt
    15.07.12 04:13 AM
    Well, it doesnt matter. I have friends from all race and they all do the same and Indian men are no different. Indian wives are worried about security, like one of my colleagues whose husband was in an affair, she was worried that he was spending money on the other women and that was the main reason for fights.
  • Indians blame women
    By
    Indians blame women
    14.07.12 09:12 PM
    So it's ok to cheat.
  • srt
    By
    srt
    14.07.12 12:46 PM
    Smashing the face? well, do all Indian wifes recprocate when the men call them for a sex? Indian women are very eager to have kids. After having kids, they are just cold turkey, men have to plead, cajole and fight for sex. Indian women just lose interset. What else can indian men do? try to address the root problem, every thing else falls into place
  • Som
    By
    Som
    14.07.12 02:46 AM
    Very simple answer to this:

    1. Most Indian guys end up in arranged marriages, where there is no love, and hence no sense of loyalty. So they chase tail to try to get affection or excitement in some other way

    2. You're white, and therefore in India, a prize. Moreover, the general perception in India is that white women are sluts. Therefore every guy is trying to get some.
  • Indians blame women
    By
    Indians blame women
    12.07.12 04:29 AM
    I read all the comments here and it seems like the Indians believe it is all the wife's fault. Sorry, but men are guilty too. It's sad there is a country called India that always blames the woman.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    11.07.12 10:16 PM
    @ Priya,

    Going by his nick name it was the most obvious question to ask him. I will wait to see what he has say.
  • Priya
    By
    Priya
    11.07.12 09:42 PM
    Hats of to you Rajpriya. Like your question.

    Indian man have proved his true behavior once again as a looser. You men need to marry robots not women.

    "INDIAN MEN, YOU HAVE LOT OF CATCHING UP TO DO IF YOU DONT WANT YOUR WOMEN TO CHEAT ON YOU"
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    11.07.12 09:37 PM
    @Hubby of cheating wife,

    There seems to be a lot of truth in what you say but please tell us why your wife is cheating on you?
  • Hubby of cheating wife
    By
    Hubby of cheating wife
    11.07.12 08:55 PM
    Indian man is just as passionate as any other man. However, once they he gets married and his wife has one child:
    -she does not take care of her shape and size

    -she will put 100% focus on kids

    - only time she will talk to husband is when she wants to complain about her inlaws

    - she is very passive in bed and never makes the first move

    - she gets boring after 10 years of marriage, all she is worried about is how to be a house wife - not "the wife"

    - she wears boring clothing and jewellery

    INDIAN WIVES, YOU HAVE LOT OF CATCHING UP TO DO IF YOU DONT WANT YOUR MEN TO CHEAT ON YOU
  • I know Indians cheat
    By
    I know Indians cheat
    07.07.12 03:00 AM
    Indians are the biggest cheaters. I dated three Indian guys and they all cheated on me. I went to my boyfriend's apartment from India and there was another woman standing there with some food she had cooked for them. Another slime ball Indian asked me to ha e sex with him and I said no. He jumped on me like a wild monkey and I found out he was married. The third ,an asked me to marry him and I told him I would not have sex with him until we were married. He was married to someone else. What men from India. I will spit on an indian if I see one again.
  • kateryna
    By
    kateryna
    22.06.12 11:55 PM
    This is very good post not only for information,but for education.It will be good if this kind post show up in media teach our childrens and teenage about men who cheating.Spasially if it indian cultural.Becouse,yes,u right they show on old style movie total diferent things what happen in reality.
    Country should stop promote degradation of humans education and lifestyle.If men keep going do this and think it is normal,must cut dick.Sorry to be rude.But this is good solution for those "innocent" cheaters.
    What about weather heat,i can say somethinh it true,but mostly it not becouse heat,but becouse of curry food.That what one Nepal woman had been told me.
    One thing what they should proud about is theirs wife who keep them in the chain by marriedge.But even sometimes that is false duo mardering or some other terible things..Hope that gonna change by time.I hope also that in Ukraine also the society will be without drugs and alcogolic peoples
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    20.05.12 09:41 PM
    @@Sahil,
    The blog is not a comparison between the horny Ukraine girls @-40°C
    or their Indian counter parts @+40°C. Further it is certainly not a discussion about your sexual prowess @-40°C. At that temperature you might find it hard to straighten your finger.

    It is about the many married Indian men cheating on their wives.

    If you are an Indian man and have been screwing around in Ukraine then you rightly fall into the type of men described in this blog if you were married. German Psychologist Robert Feldman in his research found that during a ten-minute talk, people lied three times and some as much as twelve times.

    Simply put every human being is a liar he says and people don’t say things that are not true hundreds of times a day but often. He says lies are usually not planned, as we might tend to think. Many people had lied about their aged at least once. Many people have made others believe they were younger or even older for reasons best known only to them as and when a particular situation demanded.

    Many young people exaggerated the amount of alcohol they could consume and older people made out their drinking habits sound harmless. These lies are known as cosmetic lies says the Psychologist. The expert also says some people invent a lie to impress someone to relate an embarrassing experience in a less serious form in way to suppress their insecurity.

    We pay false compliments to people to be liked by them. These false compliments are motivated by sincere thoughts to please someone and not hurt his or her feelings. But thank God no one really retorts we are lying because they don’t suspect us of lying.

    In other words we lie to each other all the time but is it not the best way to move in life with out hurting each other? Watch yourself and you will be surprised how often you are lying.
  • sahil
    By
    sahil
    20.05.12 06:53 PM
    one thing i would like to tell you about the climate factor..i have lived in ukraine and found out that some girls are more horny at -40c than some indian girls at +40c..boys chasing girls is a universal phenomenon and i it goes on till that man has sexual desires..i dont think in india there is any special case.
  • May
    By
    May
    25.04.12 01:39 PM
    Priya,
    Rajpriya gave you some important points at this juncture in your life.
    your parents as well as you will be emotionally attached to this problem in your life. When we are attached like that we do not think objectively that is why a councillor can help you and give you courage to go forward. indirectly she can help your parents through you. You can take one or two years to sort out this problem. use that time to understand your needs, aspirations and life purpose etc so that the next person you accept into your life will be aligned with your personal needs.
  • Priya
    By
    Priya
    24.04.12 08:01 PM
    Dear May and Rajpriya,

    I truly thank u both for ur concern. Ur advices means a lot to me at this point.

    Am trying my best to help myself , its just my parents are so disturbed with everything, my dad is sick and now my mom getting ill. To watch them in tears and all distressed adds to my worries 10times more. I needed their support and advice, but here I am trying to help them when I myself am ground bottom struggling with my emotions and health. This is some test God have put me through.

    I will take ur advices seriously and hope for the best in life. God bless
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    24.04.12 04:29 PM
    Hi Priya,

    The more you think about what ruined your life the more you suffer than the person who caused all the pain. May be that was what the intention was to cause pain. The sooner you pick up yourself and move on to be happy the pain will disappear.

    Start thinking differently, find friends and find different things to talk about that would get you over the top. Don’t let the past get you down and do not be too hasty in making new commitments to find happiness.

    Take positive attitudes towards a better future and do believe you can be happy after all. All good things take their own time to happen. Your patience will provide the happiness you are temporarily denied.

    Wish you the best for your future.
  • May
    By
    May
    24.04.12 03:03 PM
    Priya,
    Get help and move on. I am sure Australia may have relationship councillors who can help you in that process. A life well lived will be the best revenge.
  • Priya
    By
    Priya
    23.04.12 04:48 PM
    Atheist- ur lines is exactly what I say back to you. I never said u said it to me. So kindly dont put your words into mouth, it is definitely not a decent thing to do. I didnt mention u saying that at all.

    "I never suggested you are cheating. Once again, please, read and comprehend what you read. Don’t put words into my mouth, it is not the decent thing to do in an argument."

    Read carefully- FOR THE GUY who do not know anyone here and their story. Ur judging us too quick. You dont know our story – our life. Who said we are cheating on our spouses and we are justifyng ourselves now.

    The person who made that comment knows who it is. U dont have jump to conclusions and feel that I am talking just to you here.

    Now for ur buttering or for men which is adding whisky and beer for the extra ......its just so obvious
    Like I said I dont care.....
    I have got nothing personal against you so lets just drop this talk between us.


    May so sad to hear about ur friend.
    Seems like I am going to end up the same after marrying an Indian man as well. I have so lost hope in marriages and trust in men now. All i can concentrate and care for is my job now.
    Would I ever be able to trust a man again is sure a question to me now. Ah and yes I do real well in my job by Gods grace. But I seriously, deep down my heart wish one day..jus one day I be lucky and meet that one real MAN. I wont giveup ....got one life and one day I will meet that man who would make my life complete.

    I truly hope ur friend get married one day. And restart her life.
  • Dr_idli
    By
    Dr_idli
    23.04.12 03:29 AM
  • May
    By
    May
    22.04.12 10:44 PM
    http://www.avert.org/india-hiv-aids-statistics.htm
    this is on the basis of 2008
    double the amount is claimed by others.
    If Indian man is very chaste then these numbers will not have appeared. My friends and me have very bad opinion based on our experience in India. Here nobody bother us the way men did in India. If you travel in our shoes you will understand our feelings. One of my friends is still unmarried. She may never marry again that is what an Indian man can do to his wife. I feel she is very afraid of men as a whole. She is very successful in her profession because she spent all her time in that now
  • May
    By
    May
    22.04.12 10:34 PM
    Atheist,
    When I wrote about testosterone I wrote on the basis of information i got from a friend of mine whose job is to measure human hormones through some tests. Steroid levels are affected many things not only inbreeding so if u are interested you can check it out I am not interested in biological sciences. in any case whether Indian man have more steroids or whether they are cheating etc no longer bother me since I left that country few years ago and may not even visit it again so why I bother about it. it is all in the past.
  • Atheist Indian
    By
    Atheist Indian
    22.04.12 04:39 PM
    @ Priya
    I use complicated words only when there aren't simple alternatives. I am not really the impress-people-with-big-words type.

    I said it how it is, without PC sugarcoating or buttering. As an unmarried young man who doesn't believe in marriage, why would I want to excuse the philandering of married 30 and 40 year olds? A man who strays can find his own reason(s), whether I give him that or not.

    I never suggested you are cheating. Once again, please, read and comprehend what you read. Don't put words into my mouth, it is not the decent thing to do in an argument.
  • Priya
    By
    Priya
    22.04.12 02:55 PM
    Hi,

    You can keep going with all the toughest words in the dictionary and the highest language you can use to keep trying to make ur point. Dosent bother me at all.

    I said what i have to out , whether either of u agree or not dosent change my views.

    So ur point- Having kids is th reason been for wifes to loose interest in their hubs and as a result as man cheats. U make it sound like its just the wife who needs a child.
    Well i guess thats just an excuse a man would say inorder to cheat. Blame their wifes for lack of interest, make a reason for them to stray.

    For the guy who do not know anyone here and their story. Ur judging us too quick. You dont know our story - our life. Who said we are cheating on our spouses and we are justifyng ourselves now.
    Pin The blame- Dude.....if u do not know th person and their story dont jump to conclusions. People who have been thrgh marital issues only will be able to truly understand the point.Its not pinning a blame or justifying.
  • Atheist Indian
    By
    Atheist Indian
    21.04.12 04:51 PM
    @ May
    Not grounded, but psychologically researched and empirically observed.A lot of women who cheat do so because their attraction to their husband changes after having a couple of kids - they start developing brotherly feelings for him and any attempt from him to get intimate makes them feel violated. (Michelle Langley, Women's Infidelity, 2007) The high number of children in Indian societies is because women don't have a choice of birth control or any control of their sexual selves.

    Indian men actually have a lower sex drive and testosterone levels than average. Monogamy is the cultural norm in Desi India and men stay celibate till they are married in their 20s and 30s. Such a society wouldn't have worked if Indian men had as high testosterone as you claim. Inbreeding and endogamy actually reduces testosterone levels in men who are characterised by lower muscle mass, smaller features and emotionally charged behaviour.(George A. Feldhamer, Mammology, 1997)

    Using the word 'scientific' many times to justify quack-logic doesn't make it science.
  • May
    By
    May
    21.04.12 12:43 PM
    atheist ur assumption that indian woman turn away fro her husband after the first child is not grounded look at the stat of the number of children per family few generations back indiam woman at that time had 10 or more in some cases. scientific reasons for higher sexual tendencies for Indian men may be higher levels of testosterone and highest levels of inbreeding in indian society. india may be the only country with 2 human genetics N prize winners and arranged incestuous(Incest is sexual intercourse between close relatives[1][2] that is usually illegal in the jurisdiction where it takes place and/or is conventionally considered a taboo. The term may apply to sexual activities between: individuals of close "blood relationship"; members of the same household; step relatives related by adoption or marriage; and members of the same clan or lineage) marriages coexisting. weakness is scientifically proven disadvantage of such reproduction.
  • tys
    By
    tys
    20.04.12 08:54 PM
    damn, now i will have to read the full comments to figure out what you 2 are talking about...

    its strange we are talking about this...in the last one month, i have been this voicing board for these 2 couples ( who dont know each other) who are in this dilemma. In one the husband was cheating ( he got caught by his wife and is understandably in the dog house) and in the other the wife is cheating and shes justifying it ( i seem to be the only person who knows about it, apart from that other guy)...

    its difficult to take sides here...we can talk endlessly abt reasons, justifications, moral watchamacallits...but all i am seeing is the results ... the reason is good old fashion lust and the results seems to come from a sense of humiliation for the other than anything else...

    its almost impossible to take sides...you can just empathize with everyone...but then there seems to be a requirement to pin blame.
  • Atheist Indian
    By
    Atheist Indian
    20.04.12 03:47 PM
    Broadmindedness is character trait of having tolerant and liberal views, and a perspective wider than one's own biases and prejudices. It is not a 'title' that is bestowed on those who whose viewpoints you agree with.
     
    And to be honest, the best judges of broadmindedness are not people who have strong cognitive biases (He cheats, therefore, his kind cheats) and an inability to understand perspectives (You quoted = you believe).
  • Priya
    By
    Priya
    20.04.12 02:42 PM
    What ever to all the silly comments .

    I agree to May and TYS, glad to hear from some broad minded people.
  • Atheist Indian
    By
    Atheist Indian
    20.04.12 02:33 PM
    *that kills the passion
  • Atheist Indian
    By
    Atheist Indian
    20.04.12 02:32 PM
    "On cheating husband, you know even wives are to be blamed, generally Indian women lose interest in their husbands after their first child is born."
    This is not really an Indian woman problem, it is universal. It is having kids, not marriage, that is kills the passion between couples. While women offer a myriad of 'reasons' to rationalise their lack of attraction to their husbands, the real reason I think is pregnancy and childbirth - which alters a woman's biochemistry, sometimes irreversably.
  • tys
    By
    tys
    20.04.12 09:12 AM
    some people cheat...some don't..reasons could be opportunity, variety, boredom, revenge, love, lust , adventure, a solution, to heal, to feel alive....anything...i doubt if this is an indian or a gender thing..i think perhaps we see this as a big deal because of the pedestal we place marriage upon and our inherent nature to possess the things or person that we call ours.

    funnily when a man does it they are called studs and when a woman does it she is called a slut...

    people cheat....and some don't. None is better or worse.
  • May
    By
    May
    19.04.12 07:27 PM
    Women are treated like second class citizens and domesticated that way in many cultures and religions. what women must do is to understand the fact that the most important person in her life is herself so instead of putting the husband, children and fiance on the pedestal and worshipping she should put herself in that pedestal and see that her needs come first. once a woman learn to love herself and do what she love to do everything fall in place. life become a dream come true.
  • Sushil
    By
    Sushil
    19.04.12 02:58 PM
    Interesting ding dong between Priya and Atheist Indian!!

    Somehow, I agree with Atheist Indian and it seems that he is very clear in what he has said.

    Comment by Atheist Indian “Typical Desi lack of English comprehension. I said absolutely nothing about women being responsible at all” is very true indeed.

    Keep going guys....................
  • Srt
    By
    Srt
    18.04.12 11:14 PM
    Priya, Extrapolating your husband's behaviour to all Indian Men is dead wrong and trust me, Men are men they are built differently and has no race barriers.
    On Indian women being loyal, you know I see several Indian women cheating on unsuspecting husbands and seeing that makes me cringe. It is unfortunate you are in such situation but that is not universal.
  • Atheist Indian
    By
    Atheist Indian
    18.04.12 09:50 PM
    "Typical narrow minded attitude to always blame a women no matter how rotten a mans behaviour."
    Typical Desi lack of English comprehension. I said absolutely nothing about women being responsible at all.
  • Atheist Indian
    By
    Atheist Indian
    18.04.12 09:48 PM
    "What u beleive is what you say."
    Not necessarily. When something is implied as a third person perspective, it doesn't imply that I subscribe to it. If I for example, say that Desi people like their tea extra sweet, it doesn't imply that I like it sweet too. Basics of English comprehension.

    "A fallback of my culture or a fallback of Indian MENS culture!!!"
    There is nothing like "Indian MENS culture". Indian cultures are aligned on ethno-linguistic grounds; not on gender lines. My culture, for the record is matriarchal, which makes it as far from 'men's culture' as any culture could possibly be.

    "For a women its a life an oath to love her husband."
    Marriage is still a deal, whichever way you sauce it. Love is conditional. The idea of a lifetime of monogamous true love is a myth, one that cropped up from Judeo-Christian morality. Even Hindus were polygamous before the Hindu Marriage Act was passed. You cannot change reality by using emotional pleas.

    "Every man at his death bed would."
    Typical religious fallacy. Use the fear of mortality to evoke religious sentiments.
  • Priya
    By
    Priya
    18.04.12 07:12 PM
    What u beleive is what you say.
    And u just said it - Easy Game the way you beleive it. Well thats some value judgemnent!!!

    Hmmmm.....Culture, what are u trying to say or trying to impose about my culture. A fallback of my culture or a fallback of Indian MENS culture!!!!
    Typical narrow minded attitude to always blame a women no matter how rotten a mans behaviour . This behaviour is just sooo old fashioned.

    My husband is not God and Definitely no man is God. You seem to be a non beleiver , oh well thats u. But to say prayers are false illusions - Buddy one day or th other u will pray and I say it for sure you will. Every man at his death bed would .

    Now who says I beleive prayers make problems Disappear. Prayer gives strength and hope to lead life even during the toughest situations. If u aint christian fine just dont comment on faith.

    A Life commited wife deal???? What on earth . I guess you are unmarried. A marriage is never a DEal or a business the way the people in India consider it. Starts off with money which makes it look like some kind of deal to people like you. For a women its a life an oath to love her husband. Men of such attitude in ur terms would not buy it. Well women dont have to buy such nonsense either , thus women nowdays dont take up with such cheaters (loosers)

    End result of such loosers is always failure in their life.
    Learn to respect women then only you can have a gd married life.
    Happy wife Happy Life :)
  • Atheist Indian
    By
    Atheist Indian
    18.04.12 09:36 AM
    @ Priya
    Please read my comment again. I said that white women are seen as an easy game by Indian men, not that I believe they are. I think the concept of a woman being 'easy' or otherwise is a value judgement.

    While I sympathise with your plight, your problem is a fallback of your culture, more than anything else, which creates a ripe environment for cheating husbands, abused wives and all sorts of miserable life in between.

    Your husband isn't a god. Praying to god doesn't make your troubles disappear; it is just a false illusion of control. And just because you offer a 'lifetime committed wife' deal, it doesn't mean every man has to buy it.
  • Priya
    By
    Priya
    15.04.12 10:48 PM
    Hi May,

    Thank you so much for ur advise May. Gives me hope to moveon. Hopefully one day I would meet my Swan.
    Indian men dont get me wrong I dont have anythng against u. There might be a few hand pickable gd ones out there. But sadly we just dont get to knw each other and remain alone in silence.

    God bless u all.
    Juz one more advise to all cheating men- With my experience in life and speaking to several others who are now divorced. This is what I have come to knw frm MEN - Indian men. They miss their wifes badly and very sorry for their actions now. Unfortunately its too late. Only after breakingup they realized how precious their wifes were to them. Dont loose ur womens trust men. U might be temporary happiness with another women, but I guarantee u that wont last for long. So kindly change and learn to see the positives in ur wifes and love her the way she is. If a marriage/Family is successful it is bcoz of the man . So be the proud man, the head of the house who have learned to control emotions and respect women.
    All the best :)
  • Priya
    By
    Priya
    15.04.12 10:39 PM
    Dear Srt,

    For a start I do not have kids and I have always prioritised my husband more than anything in my life. In my marriage I have always put him first. I never bothered abt my self, its always been about him, his needs,health,food, happines etcccc
    Well I guess loving a preson too much is just not worth, adleast men who cheat for sure not.

    SRT u have to understand thgh I am not a mother my brother and several other people who I have watched having kids never feel the way u do. Once kids are born for a man and women the priority are their kids. Neither hub or wife would spend time with themselves as much as before having kids. It does not mean they dont love eachother. Responsibilities, parenthood and several other things get involved. A wife never ignores her husband , she is just loaded with more responsibilities to deal with. An understanding hubby would realize that and support her and not complaint of not having musch time and attention as before. People grow out of such possessiveness and sexual drives after a while. Adleast the Family oriented men who do not make excuses to be stray will definitely not complaint.

    Kids hubby home work cooking cleaning washing gardening etc etc and sooo many jobs as a wife. Can u imagine a man, in particular an Indian man playing the role of a wifes duties and having time to entertain his wife . Well that would be a dream come true for every indian women if it is possible.

    Again juz making it clear I do agree that wifes may cheat as well but comparing th ratio of men with women. Men are sure the toppers without doubt.

    Cheating or being abusive these are totally a persons choice of behaviour. Whether run in th family or not god knws. But no one forces a person to be so. He chooses to be that way to show his power and to get away with his bad deeds. Pretty much a coverup for all who want to hide something frm their spouse would behave so.
  • May
    By
    May
    15.04.12 08:51 PM
    Priya,
    Beauty is defined differently in different cultures one of my classmates a UP girl( very fair) married a dark guy saying that white is not beautiful. So each person see beauty differently. If it is an abusive relationship then it is better to leave it. We all have choice always.
    If you are interested in Australian men then why not join for a course in a university or join in some volunteering activities in the locality You may meet a good person suitable according to your book of law. But I will not go to pub or discos to meet a nice guy (since my conservative upbringing may not accept it).we all carry a book of law in our brain depending on our upbringing.
    If you have an abusive husband it is only normal your self confidence get a beating. Many of my friends( including indians) are married to Germans, British and American guys (proper white) they are all happy. There are also white men who are so committed that they are like swans.Swans usually mate for life. Hope you find somebody deserving you.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    15.04.12 02:42 PM
    Cheating husbands and beating husbands described by wives are just one side of the story. What about the second side of the story by the husbands? We would never know?
  • Srt
    By
    Srt
    15.04.12 04:02 AM
    Priya,

    You know there are two things you mentioned, one is abusive husband and other one is cheating husband. Abusive part is mainly the family that he is brought up and the env, men who grow up in a civilized society do not resort to such things. On cheating husband, you know even wives are to be blamed, generally Indian women lose interest in their husbands after their first child is born. Women take husbands for granted. Remember,we must not attack the symptoms, we must tackle the root cause, see my point?
  • Priya
    By
    Priya
    14.04.12 04:03 PM
    Dear May,

    Thanks for the response. I am not sure hw far its practical for foreigners to come and settle in India. I would rather prefer settling overseas.

    When I said beauty I didnt mean I am dark lol. Heaps of Indian women Are veryy Fair and I am fair tall and a big Indian girl. More like a big foreigner women....but unfortunately not the apple butt slim skinny hyper pretty one. Got my own gd looks to keep mens heads turning but would a foreigner marry me is a question. I leave it to time and God...maybe I would get lucky one day, someday :) I guess its me whose pulling myself back when a foreigner tries to get to knw me. Dont knw y- possibly bcoz of my very abusive husband I have just lost my confidence in myself. Hope God hears my prayers and help me get back on my feet.
  • Priya
    By
    Priya
    14.04.12 03:55 PM
    Dear Atheist Indian and SRT,

    Dont get me wrong, I aint painting the whole indian men group as cheats, but if u ask me are they into cheating on a large scale - then the answer is yes. Do women cheat YEs, but as much as men do -in particualr after marriage- Answer is No.

    Plz Indian Atheist not as a women but as a human being a request to u- Dont consider all white women as easy go picks..okeys. Thats very insulting for a women. Just bcoz she is fair and from another country be pretty wouldnt mean she is a women searching for guys 24/7.

    Nw india isnt scarce of women for heaven sake . Country is filled with women. Ohh ..thanks in one way for u saying AVAILABLE women being scarce- You got that right Indian women dont cheat like men so YES more men than women would cause a scarcity.

    Whats with th spain story- yaar I am Indian and there are heaps of indians in Auz. and yes obvioulsy filled with Whites. Beleive it or not Foreigners hit on me more than Indians. Ur understanding that th western world is bad and easy gng wrongggg. Men there have grownup they are done with their childishness and look for women who are mature who can take care of house duties, work and have a family. On the other hand th indian men out there who are married carryon their childishness after marriage and never growup out of their immature behaviour before and after marriage.

    I know several women foreigners who are verrry decent and family oriented , so dont tag them as "Easy Game" buddy
    Living overseas I have understood one thing for clear- The western World isnt soo different as we think it is. The Basic things= Respect, decency, trust, love , care, family, u dress well ur respected, respect elders etc etc...all we follow or are to follow in India is the same overseas. Families in whch cheating do not occur are respected by all people.
    My Question to Indian men- Y do u go after married women when u know it is not the right thing to do. Y do u have to cheat after marriage if it is totally unaccepted in marriage life?

    I aint a foreigner, but the way people stare and behave is Just Disgusting in India. Thgh an Indian its a pitty to say this, but its th truth. Not just me but several other Indian Women feel exactly the same.

    The point is - Time to change thats all. Learn to accept ur mistakes as grownup men, have the back bone to marry th women u want to marry, strong to say no to marrg if u think its not time yet, growup to admit u have cheated and have th guts to say sorry and CHANGE
    Men who read this topic dont have to take it tooo personal if they arent cheats. Others -Oh well I guess guilty consciousness is pricking within u.
  • Atheist Indian
    By
    Atheist Indian
    14.04.12 10:37 AM
    While I have observed that a lot of Indian men do cheat, I don't think it is any more than the proportion of men who cheat in any other country where opportunities are available (and not punishable by stoning to death). Ms. Carson's observations, as astute as it may seem, suffers from at least two cognitive biases - the availability heuristic and halo effect.

    As a white woman living in a part of India that has a severe scarcity of available women, she is seen as an 'easy game', particularly when she isn't accompanied by other men. Hence, she is hit on more frequently, unlike Spain where men have far more options and are likely to leave Ms. Carsons alone.

    That she built her expectations of Indian men from Hindi films creates a halo effect, where she expects Indian men to cheat far less than western men. Hence, cheating Indian men 'stand out' more often. Indian men and women cheat, even if Bollywood and the media likes to pretend this is a country of people with Ram and Sita like morals.
  • May
    By
    May
    14.04.12 01:40 AM
    hi srt,
    I am not painting all Indian men like that but according to my statistics about the men employees in my department 90% indian men are cheating before and after marriage type. So if you are not like them then you will fall in the 10% The girls none of them went like that in my department. That does not mean that Indian women do not cheat but I have not come across that type in my department, I met one Indian girl in a university in UK like that. I think she is born and brought up in UK.
  • Srt
    By
    Srt
    14.04.12 12:28 AM
    Dear Priya/May, I am sorry about your incident but painting all Indian men that way doesnt justify in any way. I have come across Indian married women flirting with other men and I too had faced it couple of times. The only thing I did was to just move away and there was women who tried to paint me negatively just because I spurned her overture. It is not that I am Ideal person, but that is not my cup of tea and I have seen many Indian guys who are that way and many guys who just care about making money and nothing else, got my point?
  • May
    By
    May
    14.04.12 12:19 AM
    Dear Priya,
    Yes I agree with NRI you cannot always inquire about them if you do not have family in the country in which NRI is located. In our place many NRI men cheating stories exist so now a days nobody is ready to marry them, if they cannot enquire properly.
    foreigners are not always after beauty India is attractive to many foreigners since they want to come and start business over there. So never bother about beauty some countries they even like dark colurs.
  • Priya
    By
    Priya
    13.04.12 09:52 PM
    Yes May...I have so realised it. But the sad part about 90% of the men do go around before marriage. They would in the current century consider it modern or westernised or stylish , maybe a competition among friends to get popular. How much can u enquire about a person before u get married and how? Would definitely like to know. The first man in my life was my husband, which made me sooo blank in identifying when he was cheating and lieing. It took me years to figure out sadly. But serioulsy how can we ever get to know a man who lives overseas what he does and who is with? Living with him I have never been able to catch him so then how before marriage. Trying to meet a new person- I tell u may....ever man i spoke to - turned out to be frauds. Few talks and now I do understand how abusive and cheats they are. Some who wanted to marry again for revenge others to abuse , and some just need to marry another women thgh they have a wife. I have lost my trust completely in men now. Isnt there even one nice man out there who could love a women for the person who she is, be truthful, decent and caring. I am not a supermodel or a movie star but yes one thing i can guarantee is I will be with the man who i love and who loves me till my very last breath and care for him more than anyone has. This is what I thght was true love and what a man wanted as well. But no I am wrong- all they want is a slim skinny hyper pretty slut who would jus hangout with them to please them.

    I wish I was pretty enough to marry a foreigner, I sooo wish. If i did i swear i would never look at an Indian man ever in my life again.
    Guess this is my life now....leaving it to God
  • may
    By
    may
    13.04.12 04:56 PM
    Priya,
    I have met cheating Indian men in my work places that is why I always insisted to my friends to run a check of their character before marriage. If they go around before marriage as you say they will not be satisfied with one curry. Many woman look for their fin status,position and good looks, some parents arrange marriage for their daughters knowing the fact that the groom was living with other woman in his work place. I also got a proposal from a US Indian when my family enquired he had a live-in lady. My father gave properly to his father, may be pretty harsh stuff since his father returned all my photos immediately. My family saved me from a miserable life.
  • Priya
    By
    Priya
    13.04.12 12:11 AM
    Hi Mayetera,

    Thank you sooo much for the concern.

    I am hoping I have a gd life one day. Been thrgh hell and ill. I have learned a lot from my experiences and I advise all women ou there having marital problems - PLZ do not ignore the signs of abuse from ur husband. If u need to get vocal do so, u need to call ur family or cops do so. NEVER be silent and be the victim. If he cheats -YELL it LOUD to the whole world- so he never dare to have the guts to do it again. My silence have been my failure and now i suffer alone.

    U all out there- Women yes i knw u have family and friends, but in situations of marriage problems no one will be there for u to support u. So HELP Ur selves do not wait for ur family to save u. The more the delay and silence the more the damage to ur life.
    Indian men are born cheats- beleive it or not- I joined a friend making site, clearly mentioned ONLY friends no flirt singles only. Guess what the max. responses and requests received from married men, ones who even had kids. When i asked y are they looking for friends when they have a wife who is their friend. Answers- Hw long th same curry, need a frnd outside marrg, gets boring, need a special person outside marrg etc etccccc...........hell with themm all. Shame on u all men.

    These married men want women to hangout with. Ready to leave their work and meet , hide and lie to their wifes...ladiess plz open ur eyes. This is 2012. Time out with this Pathi Bhagvan line. SAY no to cheating and abuse. If a man cheats he dont deserve a chance
  • mayetreya
    By
    mayetreya
    08.04.12 07:26 PM
    Hi Priya,
    My friends who left their husbands got help (financial and psychological) from their family which made divorce possible for them. If you get help from your family members it will be great help in your situation. It never going to be easy.
  • mayetreya
    By
    mayetreya
    08.04.12 03:06 PM
    Dear Priya,
    Australia may have govt funded systems to help woman in such circumstances. Make few local woman friends(Australian or Indian women born and brought up there I mean)who can help you. There may be child care facilities to help you if you want to get a job to stand on your feet. Check out all the govt supports in these lines. You to need to make sure you will get financial as well as psychological support to stand on your feet if you are planning to leave.

    Some men change when they do not have the money or when their other woman kicked them out of the house (at least this is what I saw in my neighbours case. Her husband left her when she was pregnant took up residence with another loose woman, who was after him for his money, kicked him out when he lost his money and inheritance. then he came back to his wife. His wife took him in.).

    I do not know many other happy ending stories about cheating men to recommend you except the above one.
    Hope God will help you and shower his blessings on you.
  • Priya
    By
    Priya
    31.03.12 07:51 PM
    Hi Mayetra,

    Thank u for ur response and the advice. I totally agree with u. Its something all women need to learn and me myself I guess.
    Just one doubt- wont such men ever change? or all their life will they be th same? I dont wanna tell indetail abt my problems here. But yes I am having a tough time in every way. Cheating and being abused my hub. And ur true its hard to restart all over again.
    Tina turner's life is a real motivation to all women.

    Hope one day I get the strength to moveon and not be treated as trash or a doormat any more.

    Its not just that they cheat, but after cheating such men also treat their wives real bad. Which is a pain.
    May God help all those women having a tough relationship in marriage.
    God Bless
  • mayetreya
    By
    mayetreya
    31.03.12 01:08 PM
    Priya,
    The only person over whom we have control is ourselves we cannot change cheating men. They will always cheat. Woman have the option to leave them or live with them. Leaving them and starting new is not easy mentally, physically, financially or socially but it is very much possible. Women can get a fabulous life in the world without limiting themselves to the kitchen, playing underdog to men. One old writing from a middle eastern woman say that the men and women have the same spark of God in them then why we want to stay as a doormat. get a life! they must have courage, education, a good financial backing either through job, business or inheritance and good friends. Staying as a doormat is easy but I will not select that.It seems Tina turner left her husband with 40 cents in her pocket and made her way in the music kingdom!
  • Priya
    By
    Priya
    29.03.12 01:06 AM
    Hi,

    Angela I do agree with u and bkava-london to an extent. I live in Australia and its well known even here that married Indian men cheat on a hughe ratio compared to other nationalitys. I have been told several times that indian men go to work just to sleep off with a colleague or for finding some girl somehow. And its true sadly. Many of my indian friends husbands cheat. They know it but sadly quiet just bcoz of fear and responsibilities of taking care of kids and image factor.
    men think its all fine to do so and wives shld be quiet abt it. Which is nonsense.
    In India I have heard its th same. Indian men want Indian women as wives so they get all their house work done and make sure they live as th man chooses. But alongside they need th time pass women for their entertainment. God knows when they will growup into real men. Foreigners have crossed his stage of childishness , done it all and then decide to settle down. But i guess indian men get married and then start their entertainment with different women. And by the time they growup and think with their heads , it turns to be tooo late and th mariage just carryson name sake for kids and other factors in life. The spark of the marriage vanishes and then gets so mechanical.

    There might be decent guys out there, but i say hand pickable.

    I wont say women never cheat bcoz I just came to know thrgh frnds abt married women cheating and guess whch women in particualr- the ones left in india after marriage and their husbands taken off to some froeign country. Its a pitty....y do they even bother marrying for a start. Some of them leave them pregnant and alone in india while the men flee th country and live their own lives. Guys plz growup . Bare in mind it is ur wife and only ur wife who will be ur sideto help u at times of need and not th gorey or some women. Can u accept ur wife cheating on u. Well obvious answer would be NO. So the accept the same from ur wifes.
  • mayetreya
    By
    mayetreya
    24.03.12 02:22 PM
    summing up the points I would like to make reg cheating/oversexed men in India.

    The insane belief that a man is strong when he bedded many woman either through cunning, lies or through the use of money or force as a sign of strength of a man. Controlling ones mind to refrain from sex outside marriage is the yardstick I use to measure a man's strength. This include maintaining a man,s chastity till marriage. Other men I consider as easy men there is a proverb in our locality a cat tasted many dishes never be satisfied with one dish this is applied in my family when we selected spouses for our family members. I am strongly against dowry, inbreeding, child prostitution and abortion. I am also argue for equal rights for property to girls. I think women in India should unite to get their rights established. Women professionals like lawyers, doctors, police officers must help their sex to stand up to men to get their rights. Every district, municipality and even smaller civil levels must have women right activists chapter to help the women achieve their rights. If woman in India unite and help each other they can stand up to cheating men and they can also stand up to many other atrocities committed by men. Mothers of some men encourage them to go against their daughter in law ( both of my friends who left their husbands faced this situation). Woman should help each other not go against each other.
  • mayetreya
    By
    mayetreya
    24.03.12 12:42 PM
    I only talked about travelling just to compare the behaviour of men in both west and India. I will start my blogs about many subjects next year after 2013 May. Currently I am too busy with few of my current jobs.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    23.03.12 08:49 PM
    To continue to compare our travelling experiences under “Cheating Indian Men” we would be drifting completely away from this subject.

    So why don’t write your own post and I could tell you news about half the world I have been to.

    Next time you are in Germany come and see us. I have never met any lady wearing three hats.

    Rajpriya
  • mayetreya
    By
    mayetreya
    23.03.12 06:53 PM
    I am brought up in India came to the west a two decade ago. Travelled extensively in the west ( I might have even came to your town) and lived in few countries. I lived in London for one year but otherwise I lived in the villages (I prefer them since you can understand the real heart of a country).
    Comparing my experience in India and west I must say that unless one is interested in men they will not bother you in the west. In India even if a woman did not give any encouragement they will bother you everywhere workplace, educational institutions,public transport system etc.
    I am also against dowry ( but then many women did not get a fair share of the properties of their rich parents even though legally they are eligible, since parents can will it away to the boys). One of the women journalists written that women are treated like second class citizen in India.
    I am also against Killing girls through abortion or otherwise,child prostitution Inbreeding ( we are 7 billion plus on this planet since the social cost of illness, disability even extinction)India is one of the highest inbreed society as per genetic scientists from India
    In many cases of uncle niece marriages the men go around pros for many years since he has to wait till the niece attains 18 yrs of age then he passes the AIDS /other diseases he collected from the pros to the niece.
    India has 50 million plus or so AIDS patients it seems.
    Some footage of baby girls used for prostitution in Mumbai
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLAqYT0QjUo&feature=youtube_gdata
    I think govt of India and women right activists must take steps face these issues.
    India is already facing sex ratio imbalance in some states according to last available data.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    23.03.12 03:47 PM
    @mayetreya

    I was giving an example of what bored British housewives do. I should have added, “Hell hath no fury like a bored British house wife”. Sorry about that. In the link to a news item of British wives looking for extra relationships out side their marriage, IF adopted by Indian women probably could teach the cheating Indian men a lesson?

    I am not going blah, blah about my British connection of four decades. But I have lived in London and travelled all over from Aberdeen to Isle of Wight. Living in Germany (if you call it’s the west for a long time) I visit London four times a year on business. In fact I will be in Barnsley, South Yorkshire for three months starting 2nd week of May 2012.

    I am against the dowry system. I am against killing baby girls. I am against cheating Indian men. I know all Indian men are not great nor are all western men. I have read news of Indian Doctors who have been accused of sexually abusing their patients in UK. May be I have not yet met Indian men of your description personally.

    Some of my best Indian friends’ daughters are married to British men. They have no complaints.

    Rajpriya
  • mayetreya,
    By
    mayetreya,
    22.03.12 10:25 PM
    hi rajpriya,
    unfortunately I am not just an irritated housewife. I wear three hats.i usually do not have time for these kind of chats. Have you ever lived in the west?. I lived in the UK for almost 8 years I have great friends from there. My close friend is also married to a British gentleman. Once I attended a party in UK there were only three Indian men, interestingly one among them got a slap from a lady because of his "good behaviour". Lastly two of my friends left their" great Indian husbands", one left because of cruelty other because of more dowry demands since she gave birth to a daughter!. They went back to university, got a job and stood on their feet. My advice to Indian girls is to never allow their men to treat them like doormat. get a job and stand on their feet
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    22.03.12 04:42 PM
    @mayetreya,

    Hell hath no fury like bored housewives. If Indian women look up to the western countries (for example Britain) the following could happen.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2117516/British-wives-driving-demand-extramarital-dating-websites.html

    Rajpriya
  • mayetreya
    By
    mayetreya
    22.03.12 03:00 AM
    My experience through my friend: Indian men do not have the backbone when it comes to marry the girl they loved I know a case where the man was very deeply in love his letters to my friend showed that he loved her more than anyone in the world (at least that is what he written) in the end he married his niece on his parents compulsion. For me such marriages are downright sickening. A niece means as good as your daughter genetically. this happens in twenty-first century, shame, shame, what about our advances in genetics. The farmers in our region do not go for in breeding since they want better stock!! Any way my friend did not look at another Indian, married a foreigner after 7 years of their separation. She is very happy now since she got a very committed person who never cheated her before or after their marriage. So I feel it is high time Indian woman looked to other countries for better spouses leaving the miserable lot of cheating men in India
  • Srt
    By
    Srt
    26.01.12 08:48 AM
    Angela,

    Generally in India, the marriage will last lifetime and not like western countries which last less and one person can be in realtionship multiple times in their life. So what it means is people need multiple relationship so in Indian's case it is called as cheating. You see my point?
  • Ranjit
    By
    Ranjit
    01.01.12 11:02 PM
    Phew! :-)
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    22.12.11 05:53 AM
    @Vinod

    Variety they say is something similar to cinnamon, cardamom or cloves of life?
    I don't seem to remember that someone told me a very long time ago.
  • HARRY
    By
    HARRY
    19.12.11 04:02 AM
    I once advertised few items in a newsagent's window to sell, and I had calls in triple digits to buy the goods. where everybody wanted both items for one price, but then I realise it was the way goods were advertise, and it was the way I wrote the advert. So next day I rewrote the advert and ended up selling the goods, the way I wanted to sell it in first place.
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    19.12.11 04:01 AM
    Hi...ahhhhhh comments about the topic and not me :-) Now I can agree with you.
    1) I agree that cheating happens in all classes, that's why I wrote that it seems to happen MORE in upper classes (I heard this repeatedly from people, even my driver, and it rings true for me).
    2) I agree that women cheat:: "I don’t have any illusion that 100% of men and women in relationships are always faithful."

    Have a good week ahead :-) -A
  • dr_idli
    By
    dr_idli
    19.12.11 03:49 AM
    And to add thoughts to your topic , I feel that you are misinformed or biased to think that

    1. middle and lower class men don't cheat ! When i was a student in med school , I saw scores of them with sexually transmitted diseases ! Migrant workers from the rural areas , having left their wives in the villages to come to the cities for work !

    2. And women do cheat too . Maybe not as ubiquitous as men , but of all classes ! Including SOME middle class housewives in the cities whose husband is sweating it out at the work place >12 hours a day , and out of boredom these housewives catches over sexed young men to fill in their time.

    I'm not a social anthropologist to understand this whole phenomenon in india . I am aware it does stand out especially for me not having been brought up in India , but the few explanations i can come up with could be the skewed male to female ratio in india , much worst in the cities . And that too mostly of a young hypersexualised generation . Also the discrepancy between traditional values and westernisation in the times we live in. Things are changing in india at such a rapid pace , that it's not difficult to lose direction from what is "right" to what is "wrong"
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    19.12.11 03:36 AM
    Thank you :-) I really do appreciate it.

    Just to clarify:
    1. “After seven months of living in India – and the insane amount of socializing that I do”
    =I go out socially (to dinner, brunch and for drinks) with my friends a lot.

    2. “I say sadly because I am still hoping to be woo’d “Bollywood style” very soon!! ”
    =that was humour but it definitely loses its funny side if I have to explain it :-)

    3.” I have never seen such a huge number of men try to set up extracurricular activities for themselves out in the open at bars, restaurants and clubs.”
    =this is true but not sure how that has anything to do with me, it is a statement about the unwelcome advances by the men who approached me...done without me even having made accidental eye contact with them most of the time.

    4. “Even when I was in a miserable marriage, I broke things off first and waited for him to move out instead of looking for happiness elsewhere.”
    =I have never cheated on anyone, this was simply reiterating that point by using my unhappy marriage to my ex husband as an example.

    5. “it amazes me how many seemingly unavailable men approach me or I’ve who I’ve seen approach a friend hoping to get lucky ”
    =like #3 this has nothing to do with me but is a comment about the behaviour of the men who have approached me or a girlfriend.
  • dr_idli
    By
    dr_idli
    19.12.11 03:06 AM
    Dear Angela,

    I am really sorry for the offence i caused. I didn't mean to. I guess i must have read the first part of your essay which might have mislead me.

    I usually believe that an author is writing and sharing from personal experience. As requested i'll quote a sentence each from the first 5 paragraphs , that totally mislead me :

    1. "After seven months of living in India – and the insane amount of socializing that I do"

    2. "I say sadly because I am still hoping to be woo’d “Bollywood style” very soon!! "

    3." I have never seen such a huge number of men try to set up extracurricular activities for themselves out in the open at bars, restaurants and clubs."

    4. "Even when I was in a miserable marriage, I broke things off first and waited for him to move out instead of looking for happiness elsewhere."

    5. "it amazes me how many seemingly unavailable men approach me or I’ve who I’ve seen approach a friend hoping to get lucky "

    please forgive me to imply and have false misconceptions of your article
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    19.12.11 12:24 AM
    @dr_idli - I DO NOT LOOK FOR MEN IN BARS and I am not a "lonely" white lady. I'm really not sure where you or your favourite respondant came up with that so please do point out what you read to give you that idea. For me her "perfect response" wasn't actually in response to THIS article at all, or to me because the foundation for 95% of her comments were written from a fabricated misconception of my behaviour. As you can imagine, it is frustrating for me to read comments about ME that are untrue.
  • dr_idli
    By
    dr_idli
    18.12.11 11:52 PM
    Read the article with a lot of interest , and i have to add loved Bkava's response . I dont think there could have been a better response. Bravo Bkava .

    To add another point that I think is missed is on the psyche of indian men. As easy as it was for the author to misconceive indian men through "bollywood " movies ! It's as forgivable to believe the average Indian male has been brain washed to think that , "white " women/actresses get into bad as easily as they do in "hollywood" movies !

    And as Bkava remarked in bars/discs arent the best place for the look out of an indian knight. After a few drinks , men interested in such "extracuricular activities" would feel braver to make their advances especially to a young, attractive lonely white lady in a dark bar or disc hoping to re enact some glorious "hollywood" movie
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    18.12.11 11:09 PM
    @bkava-london - There is one point you made that did offend me and, in my opinion, that you are quite incorrect and that is your assumption that "no good Indian men go to bars". I have wonderful Indian friends and colleagues who like listening to music, singing karaoke, etc who go to bars. I would never label people "good" or "bad" based on such a criteria.
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    18.12.11 11:01 PM
    @bkava-london -
    1. The bollywood dance reference was a joke.
    2. I'm curious...what did you read that made you think that I am looking for a man? (please reference it here in a follow up comment because I am really confused). I have been happily single for 7 years and don't want to be in a relationship. I go out to hang out with my friends and listen to good music and have a cocktail -- not hunt for a boyfriend. For the record, in 8 months I have never dated a single man I met at a bar in India.
    3. I clearly state that cheating is universal: "Don’t get me wrong. I don’t have any illusion that 100% of men and women in relationships are always faithful. And I know that this isn’t a situation that is unique to India. People cheat all around the world, every minute of every day."

    My article is simply about my experience, including the ridiculous amount of times I am hit on daily (which are always a pain in my ass and a waste of their time so we are clear). Truthfully, I've never experienced anything like it before. And don't worry, your comment didn't offend me because your assumptions about me couldn't be more wrong.

    I think you really could have saved yourself lots of time writing the lengthly comment if you just started by asking me if I am looking for a man to begin with :-)
    Cheers, angela
  • bkava-london
    By
    bkava-london
    18.12.11 09:51 PM
    Dear Angela
    I read your article and now I don't know where to start since I'm laughing so hard at your misconceptions. Firstly I'll give you a bit of my background. I am a British Indian woman, engaged, university-educated and working in finances. My parents are from India, but I was born and brought up in London. Therefore I can confidently tell you that I have a pretty good understanding on both indian and western cultures.

    Now getting back to your article (I am going to try my best to stick to it and not draw any assumptions on you, as a person).
    '@I really thought that by now a handsome, single, sexy man with a long vest thingy and a bare chest would have looked my way from across a crowded bar and then he and his friends would have walked towards me@': I know I am going to echo what some of the other readers have said but seriously, how on earth did you think you will find the right sort of man in a BAR? In India, as it is in any other country, it is very unlikely you'll find the right person in a bar where people come to drink alcohol, pluck enough courage to pick up girls. In India, good indian girls don't go to bars. The culture is as such, an indian man (whether he is good or not) will never marry a woman who goes and gets drunk. For him such a girl is not respectable, but an easy to pick up sort of girl, an easy-to-bed person. So to sum this point up, you are very mistaken to think that a bar, is the place to meet the right man.

    @'If I had to guess, I would say that the ratio of single to unavailable men who have tried their luck with me is about 25% / 75%…with the 75% representing the guys who are married or have girlfriends.@'- My dear Angela, it might hurt what I'm about to say but these man 'try their luck' with you, not because they want a wholesome committed long-term relationship with you (as you say they are already married), but because you are white and you go to bars. Indian men have always had a fascination with white women. Probably because white woman are easier to have one-nights with, as they are more willing, more experienced, less conservative and will give them an amazing night. I'm afraid to say, the next morning, it will usually be a 'bye, I need to get back to my wife'. It perhaps will be better to self-reflect, you are probably sending out the wrong signs and signals (making sure you look available) to married men, making them approach you. And mind you, indian men's views on white women are the same all over the world. My male indian friends have all told me, white women are easier to bed.

    @'The ideas they have logically include an exit plan from town and have ranged from a weekend in the Maldives to candlelit dinners, champagne in the moonlight or sightseeing trips to nearby towns for a night away. @'- Again, the offers to me sound more like what they would offer to an escort? Far from loving meaningful beginnings of a relationship.

    Lastly I wish to enlighten you on the fact that cheating happens everywhere, in all countries of the world, not just India. You have probably noticed it more simply because you have been approached more. And that my dear is because you are a white woman.

    It is a common misconception in the western world that arranged marriages are the reasons why people stuck in it are unhappy, as they have been 'forced' into it by the elders of the family. This is simple not true. I have met a man through my parents last year, I have been dating him since and we are getting married in a few months' time. The period of time I chose to get to know him was entirely voluntary, I was not forced to marry him, I chose to get to know him and I am now in love with him. You are very wrong in your assumptions if you associate arranged marriages with forcing. That is not the case. The man and woman (I am speaking for Hindus here) are given plenty of time and opportunities to get to know each other and decide for themselves whether they are going to get married to each other or not. My fiance did not have to sleep with me to choose me as his wife. Our emotional bonds, love and affection for each other were enough to take the decision to spend the rest of our lives together. All around me the indian people I know and am related to have gone through arranged marriages. And not a single couple have divorced.

    Indian divorces cannot even be compared to the high proportion of divorces in the western world. In the UK, a third of marriages end up in a divorce. What does that tell you? Even you have come from a string of broken relationships. What does that tell you of your culture, tolerance and the way you make your choices?

    You are looking in the wrong direction Angela. If you cannot find the right man in a bar, it is because you are looking in the wrong basket. Good indian men do not go to bars. Frustrated middle aged married dudes do. And lastly you need to make yourself respectful so that men respect you. Only then will you find someone who will want you, not just for sex, but for a relationship.

    Sorry if I offended you in any way, but it is a free speaking place here.

    BKAVA
  • satish
    By
    satish
    15.12.11 11:41 AM
    Angela,
    the way you put ur opinion is nice, the way you tried to convey the message was good, but It would have been more nicer if you could have told what can be done to avoid infidelity. i was expecting that part in your blog, yeah i do agree with the facts that you have put over here, many times even if woman knows about the cheat she will keep quite, because she has her own limitation and boundaries made by society or her family. or something like that.

    there is a lot difference in the way woman are treated when u compare with western countries, in general , large quantity of woman in India are not that independent( if you excuse metros). its a chain of social evils or problems, i appreciate you spoke on this. i do expect what can be done to stop this from you ..

    Cheers !!
  • Syamkamath
    By
    Syamkamath
    12.12.11 05:29 AM
    'Dream life'?
    They are interested in keeping their Indian spouse and have extra entertainment with white women(whom they believe to be slut!) . Do you think these husbands would agree if they came to know about their wife having similar extra-marital relations ?
    I dnt thnk so. They want their wives to be devotd to them, while they cant show same in return. They believe in male superiority.
    And you are true that Indian society is sexually suppressd,. Sex s only for having kids after that it is Taboo. (but in reality we have a great culture that says everythng including sex s divine). Even our sage and saints had been married.
    But later with the influence of Budhism, celibacy became must. As a result we have cases like poor Nityananda , lol.
    Similarly sex became taboo in society.
  • Vinod
    By
    Vinod
    12.12.11 02:02 AM
    @Ms Carson
    India is a sexually suppressed nation.India at one hand eulogize sex(the land of kamasutra) and worship sex symbol(I am a Hindu and wish no one issues a 'fatwa'!)which has more philosophical meaning than symbols while on the other hand we raise our kids by instilling the sinful thought of thinking about sex.
    Then comes the parents and families who decide the fate of two individuals by pushing them into matrimony with all the high hopes and aspirations of materialistic ambitions we call as dowry.How do you expect relations to be stable when the very foundation was made by multiple other factors than the match of interests or heart.My online experience has seen men and women happily straying away from marital oath. I do not wish to paint a different picture here but virtual groups go for 'reality meet' and have personally known how such meetings are sometimes an opportunity to 'live the dream' life for some of the women and men who are the most loving spouses in their respective families.The 'flipside' is hard to ignore but I know that India is going through sexually rebellious period than ever before but wish it does not happen it this way!!
  • Syamkamath
    By
    Syamkamath
    11.12.11 08:32 PM
    You are a good blogger , you hear all opinions,. Love reading ur posts.:-)
    oops, im nt HITTING on . Just complements.lols
    Im too young
  • Syamkamath
    By
    Syamkamath
    11.12.11 08:29 PM
    ???? ?????? ?????? ????????
    loka samastha sukhino bhavanthu.
    Universal happiness.
    happy ending.:-)
    i havnt made any personal allegatn or argument against you. :-)
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    11.12.11 06:34 PM
    Hi gentlemen, I am happy that the love is back ... and I really am not (nor was I) hurt by opinions related to the topic. I only reacted strongly when people started making assumptions of ME, which were lies, that were being broadcast in a very open forum. I'm happy to hear everyone's opinions and diverse conversations about the article. You will notice, I only say as FACT those things which I have been told or that I have personally experienced. Everything else I pose as questions like "are arranged marriages to blame...bla bla bla" in order to open up discussion.

    @Harry, do not stop commenting. Nor the rest of you. My only complaint was when I was turned into Shrek and it appeared that the villagers (this would be you guys :-) ) starting weilding your pitchforks at me personally in a way that was inappropriate and potentially damaging to my reputation.

    Happy commenting in the future :-) I have just written a "nice" article that should go live tomororw or Tuesday to (I hope) avoid the drama that we all engaged in here :-) hehe
  • Syamkamath
    By
    Syamkamath
    10.12.11 11:07 PM
    Life is all about adjustment,love and sacrifice.
    AND 3 WORDS ARE EQUALLY APPLICABLE FOR MEN AND WOMEN.
    In an increasingly materialistic world people tend to go after materialistic pleasures and hence contribute to Cheating wives ,Cheating men and some of the divorces are also a result of this.
    Marriage is nt a relatn whereby a wife agrees to suffer everythng , but its an agreement to standby each other, Love and support'em during the toughest times.
    Although its better to be Seperate than fighting world war being married, children would suffer in both.
    I used the word 'better' nt best, coz u cant be happy there.
    Happiness comes frm sacrifice , selfless love . Mahatma, Jesus all taught us the same.
    For Indians, wife is the half of man ,which is Shakti ,. She is source of his energy, love etc. Without which he is a Corpse. Everyman should see goddess in wife and she must see god n husb. Then relatn becomes strong.
  • Syamkamath
    By
    Syamkamath
    10.12.11 10:54 PM
    Im from kerala too. Nice to meet you.:-)
  • Syamkamath
    By
    Syamkamath
    10.12.11 10:46 PM
    Another reason for 25/75 ratio is , most of the people who are of your or near ur age would be married and since divorce and divorced are less, you find most that hit on you as , married.
    Singles would much younger and may be interestd in younger.
    That s why you find more people who come to u to be married.
    CHEATS ARE THERE IN LOVE MARRIAGES AND ARRANGD MARRIAGES. Similarly gøod too.
    And i would like to Say Many of Indian arrangd marriages work well . And many woman do suffer but there are other , where both adjust ,love and stay together.
  • tys
    By
    tys
    10.12.11 10:44 PM
    @shyamkamath : so they say.
  • Syamkamath
    By
    Syamkamath
    10.12.11 10:27 PM
    Some of Indian men, having seen all those porns, think every white is slut and some of those idiotic assumption. Adding to it is another assumptn westerns are rich and you can use them to make money. Thats why they hit on you.
    And why there are so many of them? Ans. There are men cheating in India ,Us or anywhere in the world. But India with such huge populatn may have more of them. Another thng is bollywood stories are absolute nonsense and imaginary.
    And ARRANGED MARRIAGES, Ill show u hundred loving couples if u want.
    CHEAT is present in every caste , religion, country, class or wotever.
    Its true that some arrangd marriages exist only because of women adjust. But again generalizatn isnt possible. I would suggest to say it on their face of people who come like this. They r the real slut nt you, let them knw.
    This land had both The JRD TATA and Vijay mallya. So expect wotever u see elsewhere and wot u dnt see elsewhere. And as , (i thnk Raj priya said ) said , may be there are many good and non-cheat guys in west, US , UKetc
    but in India such people would Less(i dnt say NO).
    Given its spl circumstances.
    @TYS are u from KERALA ?!
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    10.12.11 08:30 PM
    @ Harry, let's bury the hatchet and start things anew and forget whatever happened and move on like anything ever happened between us.

    We are adults and as NRI said this not a place to carry on as we both have done involving any one's view. Trying to find who was guilty will not serve any purpose nor is it the way forward.

    NRI's intervention could not have been better timed. I thank NRI for spelling out clearly the true purpose of this forum.

    Rajpriya
  • HARRY
    By
    HARRY
    10.12.11 07:29 PM
    To:- THE NRI

    Firstly I want to start, by saying my sincere apology to those who write for NRI and the comment poster who have been upset by my action in way of my post. I have not done this intentionally. I always treat people the way I want be treated as a thumb of rule in my life.

    To the writer of this article Angela Carson, If I have hurt your felling then, please accept my apologies. The way I wrote my first paragraph in first comment in your article was based on tongue in cheek remark, it was not meant cause offend. I only wrote second comment because after giving my most intimate details to you. You only commented on first paragraph to replay back. My understanding was you wanted to know why? thus the article.

    The other thing that you pointed to was arranged marriage, where you feel because it doesn't agree with your logic it's wrong and it was easier for you to point finger at stating that it could be a factor for Indian man cheating. I can tell you it's more to cheating then any one can guess. I still stand by this, and if you are not happy, I am willing to tell you the facts on the other side of the coin that you are willing to ignore because of your set logic.

    When I wrote my post I did not direct it to any one else, except the author of the article. I always do it on basis that applies to me in life. I do not manufacture caps for any one else wear but if they pick one up that applies to them, then it's their fault because I can not control people's attitude.

    I always tell things as they are, and that is my attitude in life. I am true believer in truth and honesty as benchmark in human being. No matter how bitter these two are, but they are the most two important traits that makes us civilised, not our wealth or our possessions. These may not fit in our ideal box, but these are the bitter pills worth swallowing. I will always hold my hand up when I have done wrong. This does not depend on a man, woman, black or white. This are my ethos in life, and for them I never compromise.

    Rajpriya I did not direct my comment at you or any one else prior to past comment. I do not wish to argue with you in the future, and I hope you understand my position on this.

    If author Angela Carson fells that she is not happy with my justification on this, then I will no longer publish my comments on her future articles. My best wishes to her and The NRI team.

    HARRY
  • The NRI
    By
    The NRI
    10.12.11 04:27 PM
    @ Harry / Rajpriya

    Can I kindly request that you cease your personal attacks on each other. I am not taking sides and not interested who started it, but your battle is becoming tiresome for other readers. I am happy to supply each of you with the other's email id, so you can continue your debate off this forum.

    You are both regular readers of this site, so I welcome and value your contributions. I am not asking you to hold back in your forthright opinions in future, just that you do not turn on each other or the author in a personal manner. Rather stick to the issues raised in the post.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    10.12.11 12:15 PM
    @HARRY,

    I don’t think you are troll police. But I know you are the Burly Bouncer at the NRI gate trying to stop me picking up fights. So you are a judge appointed by NRI to pass sentences on people like me. Well I didn’t know that part and if it were really so you qualify well to be in that position.

    Well, I thought Angela Carson can defend herself and I really didn’t know she uses bouncers. Now that really scares the shit out of me. Does any one have to run their own website to call something a fact?

    I did take the responsibilty for my actions myself and I too have heard of the kind of shit that’s yours. If I made my comments about what some one wrote, I address them and not you. Speak when, you are spoken to. In that aspect of not sugar coating don’t you think I am not so different?

    Well, now you are getting it all wrong. Did I say that you are carrying a grudge against those women? I read my comments and I don’t sense any thing that says that. At least you agree we are different and you must know, no two people are alike unless they are twins. Even twins can be different in the way they think.

    Then coming to my habit of picking up fights with every one on NRI does everyone appear by proxy? Well I know that you are having problems with taking on your own kid. May be I come to your rescue when he tries to throw out of the door.

    I know that you don’t use a mask and you are so straight that you see me so crooked. Why do you think I used my photo unlike you? There are so many Toms, Dicks and Harrys and to spot the straight one? About the dried shit I leave it to you.

    Yes you are right about my living in a dream world. Ideals are like trying to reach the stars. In trying there is no harm done. Trying to educate two slum children to be be like my own is a good start even if that's a dream. It could stop them being lured into prostitution. Give them a chance for a better living even if it's not good so as your own and It unburdens my ego.

    Did I say everyone is trying to get me? I think you are trying to get me on everyone’s behalf.

    You can say anything to Angela it does not hurt me. But a part of the last comment you made, does this not implicate me? Why should Angela take it as bullshit if some white woman said why not in a London bar? I don’t see the connection?
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------
    “THEREFORE YOUR THEORY ONLY APPLIES TO TRADITIONAL INDIAN MALE NOT EXPOSED TO WHITE WOMEN. THAT’S WHY, THEY HAVE THIS ATTITUDE TOWARD ANGELA CARSON AND BRONWYN McBRIDE. They don’t need this bullshit, but you can’t change people’s attitude. To make matter worse it will be those guys in bar who thinks why not after piss up (Drink).”
    ----------------------------------------------------------------
    How can one be exposed to white women? May be you are referring to peeping under their skirts? Well, I admit, I have not done it so often as the NON-traditional Indian.

    I don’t take pride on records. But taking comments like everyone is something you have to learn too. I am still harping on this thing you say, being exposed to white women and how do I do that?

    For a change tidy up your son’s room he might start loving you.
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    10.12.11 03:23 AM
    @Dark Knight - I don't quite understand your comment but might I suggest that you read the article again. I clearly state that cheating is NOT unique to India AND that cheating is not only for men!.

    As for the white guy theory you have...since I've lived here I have been hit on ONCE by a pro cricket player from the UK team down for the Champions League. That's it. Compare that to the 2-3 online approaches I receive from Indian men every single day PLUS the constant face-to-face approaches when I am out at events or parties...you can clearly see that Indian men are very confident. At least that is the reality for ME in Bangalore. I wrote the article based on MY personal experience here in India and have clearly stated that fact.

    Lastly, I don't refer to these guys as "pervs" as you refer to them. I think people would be suprised to learn who of few of the gentlemen were because they are public figures.
  • Dark Knight
    By
    Dark Knight
    10.12.11 03:05 AM
    Angela, you're probably getting hit on by the pervs because you're one of the few white women in Bangalore.

    But you seem to go by the assumption that ONLY Indian men cheat. As a US Citizen, I can honestly tell you that a white guy is more likely to hit on you. White men are a lot bolder when it comes to approaching women. Why do you think the divorce rate is so much higher in US than in India?!?! You need to do your research!
  • HARRY
    By
    HARRY
    10.12.11 02:34 AM
    @ Rajpriya

    So you think I am the troll police now do you.!!! What gave you that Idea? What I said to Angela Carson was not defending you, but giving you the benefit of doubt. On the post you wrote that because I have not read this kind of so called facts before thus asking you if you write for or run any other website, which you said no in later on.

    Now you want me to take responsibility for your actions that you created by running on this forum like a bull in china shop. I have heard lots of shit but not of this kind. Yes I do have balls that's why I use my real name and tell it like it is and if that hurts you and others, then so be it. I don't do sugar coated.

    You also think that I carry a grudge against these women. You are so wrong about this as well because grudges don't pay in my book. This is where you and I are different. I spank my kids when the need arises, you don't.

    You like picking fights with every body on this site, and I don't but in your case I will say bring it on dude.

    The mask that you have made for your self don't try to put it on me because I am straight forward guy and I don't need to hide behind it like you. The other thing I don't do is dig in dried shit that you think I do.

    I think you are living in dream land and you think that every body is out to get you then you need to have reality check.

    What I said to Angela, I stand by, because she has certain presumption that I don't agree with, when you write something for platform as large as NRI then any comment that arises from this you have to take it like any one else. This is not based on grudge it's disagreement . This is not a pick on Angela day and if she thinks it is then tough. This is not a personal attack that she think it is, and I will say no more.
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    09.12.11 02:11 PM
    @Vinod - I am sooooo on board with your train of thought. the only problem is I have only been hit on by 3 women so far in India. My research is "life experience" more than anything and not blind interviews so I won't be much help in writing "the flip side" article I'm afraid. Thanks for taking the time to comment though :-) angela
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    09.12.11 01:46 PM
    Corrections

    Read as: After your comments above I dare not touch these ladies you so fondly defend even with a barge pole.

    Even though I knew who played trol police, my pretension was to give the impression that I was upset and needed to make peace with those who felt offended. I don’t intend playing trol after reading your comment my self. But the descriptions by the trol can make more sense to you than me. I have the balls to take on a man who does not have balls to say it straight into my face.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    09.12.11 03:31 AM
    @Harry

    “THEREFORE YOUR THEORY ONLY APPLIES TO TRADITIONAL INDIAN MALE NOT EXPOSED TO WHITE WOMEN. THAT’S WHY, THEY HAVE THIS ATTITUDE TOWARD ANGELA CARSON AND BRONWYN McBRIDE. They don’t need this bullshit, but you can’t change people’s attitude. To make matter worse it will be those guys in bar who thinks why not after piss up (Drink).”
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I take it that for some reason you are carrying a grudge and playing this "I know it all, wise man's role". The matter about the two expat ladies: you should know that I have corrected my stance and apologized and made no secret about it.

    Do you take my apologies for fake? After your comments above I dare not touch these ladies you so fondly defend even with barge poll.

    I like to take on the description of the theory of the traditional Indian male not exposed to white women could be a fact. I am one of those sons of bitches in the bar who why not-ted after a pissup. You are one who can manufacture caps that fit me so well.

    I think you would make good politician who summersaults after elections.
    I made a comment directly to you, that I don't wish to be dragged into this controversy anymore once. But you seriously don't want me to cool down. I know so well about I rub your back you rub my back attitude too.

    When you dig into shit that's dried up, the smell is unbearable.

    Even though I knew who played trol police, my pretension was to give the impression that I was upset to make peace. I don't intend playing trol after reading your comment. but the descriptions by the trol can make sense to you. I have the balls to take on a man and not women.

    I hope you were not pissed up when wrote to Angela Carson totally defending my story. I can really be the son of a bitch any time and have no problem whatsoever with it.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    By: HARRY
    on December 3, 2011
    at 12:24 am

    Dear Angela
    You have written your assumption not facts about Indian man and cheating. You as a journalist have duty to write facts/truths not what you think or assume is fact. So far in this article I have not read a single fact or proven theory by you, so telling others to write facts is wrong on you part.


    Rajpriya may have written something that has upset you, and may appear out of line in the way he has written his post, but still it is fact according to him.?His facts are still debatable but your assumption are not because generalisation of Indian man or any other from your point of view is not acceptable.

    You are willing to take a poke at others but when poke comes in your direction you can’t take it.
    Most single young women in UK and USA, when they go to bar they just don’t go for drinking because they can do this at home. They go to pick up man for entertainment. What kind, I leave up to you to decide. This is called a predatory behaviour and they are right to have, being single. This also applies to man as well.
  • Vinod
    By
    Vinod
    08.12.11 05:37 AM
    Very interesting observations by the author and admit the fact that our society is turning out to be so.I feel the reasons to be many.
    1.Erosion of human values in an increasingly materialistic society(spiritualism is almost nonexistent)

    2.Disintegration of joint families and the advent of nuclear families.

    3.Lack of spiritual strength that existed in joint families at all times.

    4.Men finding women more independent and open about everything.

    5.Rise in Income

    6.Failing family relations and separated living for the purpose of work.

    If the author makes an effort to study the other side of the story,I am sure you would find increased infidelity among Indian women too.One needs to stay in some social networking sites of India to know this.India is developing by all means and we, Indians fail to recognize what we lose in the race for 'happiness'!
  • vishal
    By
    vishal
    06.12.11 10:17 PM
    i guess quite a few people in here should relate with "donot shoot your arrows, if you cannot control where they land!!"....lol....i guess all have made up and the topic to this discussion can finally close! what say angela and the folks out here!
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    06.12.11 06:58 PM
    May be someone who doe snot approve of facts is using this kind of a threat to shut me up.

    Will continue to say what I Have to, with out getting personal may be is the right way to go.

    Thanks for your support and advice.
  • Jimnophobia
    By
    Jimnophobia
    06.12.11 06:02 PM
    @Rajpriya

    I haven't read your "rash" comments yet. But perhaps one thing that you can do is to ignore these self appointed "polices" who adds no value with their posts...

    @Troll Police

    "cause you don’t have the balls to say it in real life"... Ironic indeed...
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    05.12.11 07:36 PM
    @Troll Police

    Can you please suggest the best way I could get out the mess I am in. I am so weary of the wrongs I am doing.
    I have apologized to all, to whom I made rash comments.
    Please show me the way out of NRI. I shall be we very obliged.

    Rajpriya
  • Troll Police
    By
    Troll Police
    05.12.11 06:30 PM
    My previous comment was intended for the trolls commenting on this blog, and attacking the author of this blog.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    05.12.11 05:00 PM
    Hi Bronwyn,

    I hope you don't feel left out. I owe an apology to you too. But there is something common between us. I am interested in children welfare too. You are doing a great job. May be if I had read your "Why I came to India" before I made my comment, my opinion could have been different but that's really no excuse for spitting fire. A big sorry.

    I wish all this making over is not going to make future discussions so boring without the essential ingredient the hot masala.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    05.12.11 03:54 PM
    Hi Angela,

    I am relieved, that you responded positively at last. There used to be a Basement discotheque in Oxford Street in London in the 70's. A few Jamaican Guys provided some classy Latin American Jazz, Rock a la carte. The atmosphere provided the most romantic environment for an otherwise all work and no play student life .

    If it existed today I would have invited you there because my lady says, would have give you an opportunity to kick me on my backside for being so ungentlemanly.

    Nice hear from you.
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    05.12.11 01:20 PM
    Thank you guys :-) I know that this eco-system of comments and heated debate can tend to develop a life of its own at times and I'm sure that is what happened... glad to read your last comments and sincerely thank you for them. --angela
  • praveen
    By
    praveen
    05.12.11 09:56 AM
    @tys its alright. don't worry about it. i had some bad experiences in here and that made me hard. well anyways, i believe that angela would forgive me as well.
  • tys
    By
    tys
    05.12.11 09:42 AM
    @praveen : thank you for understanding without getting defensive about it.....forgive if i seemed intrusive.

    Damn. Suddenly this place has become all brotherly love and cheer. Excuse me while i go and crawl underneath my rock.
  • praveen
    By
    praveen
    05.12.11 07:57 AM
    @tys i actually didn't mean to insult her. i always respect people. i misjudged her based on this article. i get your point and you sound sensible to me. i apologize if i had made some remarks that hurts the feelings of anyone.
    @ angela i apologize personally to you as well. i didn't deliberately say that to insult you. its just a misunderstanding. as you had mentioned in one of your comment i haven't seen you or chatted with you to know you well. i take back what i had told you and please don't take it personally. thank you.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    05.12.11 01:27 AM
    Hi Angela

    I really sincerely apologize for hurting your feelings but wrote a few days saying so. I hope I could withdraw my comments and get back to you as a sincere friend. I am Indian born but since 3 months after my birth have been brought up and educated elsewhere and live in Germany since the early seventies.

    If I have a way of proving that I am different from all those Indians who made advances with vulgar thought I would sure not hesitate go to any extent to do so. I realize that I have made rash and unwanted comments about you and want you to show me a way out of my miserable feeling at the moment.

    Rajpriya
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    05.12.11 12:14 AM
    @max brosman - I'm with you 100% :-)

    @all the above guys who have stopped talking about the article and started in on me as a person:
    I just re-read my article word for word and can't find one FACT that I entered that didn't come from my own experience or from interviews that I conducted. I DO pose questions in the article, which is my writing style as a blogger (I have never worked as a journalist nor studied journalism). I don't say anything insulting about Indian men in this article, aside from one "what a douche" comment regarding a friends' ex.

    In response to you gentlemen, I'm human. I do find it insulting to ME to read some of the comments that are NOT really about the contents of my article at all anymore nor are they about the 100% accurate depiction of what I have personally experienced - and continue to experience - in my professional and private life in Bangalore. Why start in on me? I get enough negative attention out in the world here, I really don't need it at the-NRI too :-( Especially when the accusations or observations are false (as if you know me or have chatted with me). I have never gone out on a date or looked for "love" with anyone (AKA dirty fish) I met at a bar in Bangalore. I go out for the music and dancing and to blow off steam with my FRIENDS -- something I would happily have shared with you had you asked.

    @Tys - thanks! I really appreciate your comment.
    And you nailed it...I have had two different projects blocked TWICE by two different guys becuase I wouldn't accept a sexual advance -- both married men :-(
  • tys
    By
    tys
    04.12.11 10:48 PM
    come on praveen..u r being unnecessarily mean...she never said that 99% of indian men are ugly, just 99% of the guys who hit on her...which is pretty much correct, if you have actually gone to a club and seen those bozos...they are damn ugly man...

    i think u need to read her other posts ...u r judging her based on her point of view which i think she has got a right to have....u and i know that we hit on white girls because we think they will give in...we wudnt try the same with an indian girl becoz we 'know' they will not give in...

    who is stereotyping now?

    its a good point...

    the question here was never why do indian men cheat? her question is why do so many of the ones she has met cheat?

    so do we say maybe she is meeting the wrong indian in the wrong place? but she says that it happens to her in other fields of her life...her field takes her to the affluent part of our society , so her doubt will be if this exists in other class of our society...its just a theory.. of course it happens everywhere....so the probable reason is that she is a foreigner, more specifically white, therefore we think she is easy...

    doesnt say that much about us, does it?

    our society is permissible to a man if he cheats...god forbid if a woman does it...
  • praveen
    By
    praveen
    04.12.11 04:06 PM
    a small correction on the first part of the message i have posted: read purely based on instead of purely be based on. i also heard some saying 'bout 'beauty lies in the eyes of beholder'. well, i may be wrong though. white guys do live in india though. you can find lots in goa. hope it helps you. thanks.
  • praveen
    By
    praveen
    04.12.11 03:59 PM
    and yeah i forgot to tell you something else. cheating happens everywhere, not just in india. indian women are patient, tolerant and really well-behaved than most western women. if you feel that india is hot, polluted and a land filled with unattractive people then you should probably try what i told you in my previous message or go back to wherever you will find all these things. sorry if i sound harsh. i see that you are an attractive woman from your pictures (you look good in the sari though) but that doesn't mean anything. between, i am an indian guy living in england at present. any comments, please do get back to me. thanks.
  • praveen
    By
    praveen
    04.12.11 03:51 PM
    Dear Angela,
    I have read your article and I feel that I should tell you something.
    1. you apparently seem to have arrived to india with a preconceived opinion about indians.
    2. since you mention that you find 99% of indian men are unattractive, i don't really see why you wanna try dating 'native' indian subjects. there are lots of 'white' people out there who are really attractive and you can date them for all you want. you really sound like very open minded to me as attractiveness is purely be based on lighter skin tone (you sound like that probably) and let me assure you that it is hard to find people like that. we are all brown skinned people anyways.
  • Troll Police
    By
    Troll Police
    04.12.11 11:31 AM
    Troll

    n.pl Trolls

    The art of deliberately, cleverly, and secretly pissing people off, usually via the internet, using dialogue.

    Trolling is trying to get a rise out of someone. Forcing them to respond to you, either through wise-crackery, posting incorrect information, asking blatantly stupid questions, or other foolishness.

    Trolling is the act of purposefully antagonizing other people on the internet, generally on message boards. When done in a moderated internet community, this can result in banning.

    Being a prick on the internet because you can. (And cause you don't have the balls to say it in real life. XD)
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    03.12.11 04:29 PM
    @Harry you have added salt & pepper to my bull's eye.

    I thought of putting in a small story for the benefit of those who are angry with any thing everything. I have watched the reactions of people who get angry for reasons best known only to them. One may feel offended, insulted, degraded or whatever. At times its defensive and other times offensive anger. Emotions trigger how we react to situations in life mentally.

    Sometimes one wants to stand up and say you are wrong because you decide to change to a survival gear or defensive mode. Anger always comes out as a tremendous force and intends to crush everything before it. If we ever thought if that energy was used for positive thinking the world could open up to something you never saw before. Acts of appreciation, compliments, praises and the similar contribute to positive acceptance in people.

    But somewhere at half time one will get tired of getting angry and the result that came with it. I made it a point not make getting angry a habit. I control things in my life and keep doing some essential repairs to the mind. The result has been great and made positive thinking my habit. Believe me its really easy going.

    Let environment, people and thoughts that differ from yours not get you down and your will see you are in “D”rive Mode. Here’s a little story I heard in my primary school.

    There was an ageing lion in the forest that walked through his territory to assert that he was the King in charge. On his rounds through the forest he asked animals he met on his way “Hey you silly little rabbit who is the lord of this jungle”? The rabbit said “Oh my lord you are the almighty of this jungle”.

    The Lion was happily walking away and met a zebra and asked the same question. The zebra too said that he was the Lord of this jungle. A little later he came across a baby elephant playing football with a coconut.

    The Lion stopped the coconut between his legs and said hey you silly little elephant do you know that I am the king of this jungle? Then the little elephant raised his front leg and kicked the lion that fell ten feet away.

    Then the lion got up on his feet shrugged himself and said “Hey you don’t have to loose your temper if you don’t know the answer’.

    Rajpriya
  • HARRY
    By
    HARRY
    03.12.11 05:54 AM
    Dear Angela

    You have written your assumption not facts about Indian man and cheating. You as a journalist have duty to write facts/truths not what you think or assume is fact. So far in this article I have not read a single fact or proven theory by you, so telling others to write facts is wrong on you part.

    Rajpriya may have written something that has upset you, and may appear out of line in the way he has written his post, but still it is fact according to him.
    His facts are still debatable but your assumption are not because generalisation of Indian man or any other from your point of view is not acceptable.

    You are willing to take a poke at others but when poke comes in your direction you can't take it.

    Most single young women in UK and USA, when they go to bar they just don't go for drinking because they can do this at home. They go to pick up man for entertainment. What kind, I leave up to you to decide. This is called a predatory behaviour and they are right to have, being single. This also applies to man as well.

    Most man in India or any other country go to bar not only for drinking, but also to find entertainment just like women do too. What kind of entertainment you know which kind it is. Married or not he is only there for one thing. After drink he has gained some Dutch courage and he will give it a go . He may get lucky or may not but he will try.

    IF YOU FISH IN DIRTY RIVER YOU GET DIRTY FISH. THIS IS A FACT. LOOK IT UP.

    After drinking they come to hit on you, thinking you are white and single and fare game and you are there for one thing only, I am not be surprised. This does not mean most Indian men are like this, because most good Indian man do not go to bars like this. Therefore your assumption on this only applies to all the piss head ( Drunks ) in that bar only, not outside the main domain.

    Your second biggest assumption is on ARRANGED MARRIAGES. You should ask some body who has done it LIKE ME. Why? did I made this as a choice, yes it was a choice before you say any thing. Am I happy YES. Let me tell you few facts and these are facts not your fiction and opinion from your backside. They just don't put two people together the way you think they do.

    When you go to club and look for a partner it's like going to junk yard / scrap yard to find a Ferrari. In my case I just go to Ferrari garage and get one you see the difference. Before you say any thing yes you do have a choice.

    The bull shit about no chemistry / compatibility it's your head in the sand. Every men is compatible with every women on this planet. You do not need to put your penis in a woman to see if there is chemistry and compatibility. Most people know what I am talking about. After making the third choice, I knew I was marrying a right person and I did not have to use my dangly bit test it.

    I know almost 500+ people who had arranged marriages and they are happy, and I also know lots of people who have married a partner of their choice and are divorced. These are facts not fiction because we have example of this in our house. Five kids, two married partner of their choice, and both are divorced, and three arranged marriages and are still married. These are not stats these are real figure.

    Next time you decide to write something don't forget to investigate outside in real India not just in the bars.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    03.12.11 05:31 AM
    @max brosman,

    It is a problem that was created by the creator of the human being. Theory has made it that opposite poles attract. Then we came to an era where even like poles attracted. If the creator had a different method of multiplying the human being instead of using sex,
    I am sure this whole argument would have been superfluous.

    Though, I believe that a man and woman should know each other before a marriage takes place, my experience says there is no guarantee that this could be the ideal solution for marriages to last a lifetime.

    Now that we have no choice and that nature had preferred it the way things are, we need live with it. You may not believe the true story of a couple that lived 15 years together unmarried and one day decided to say yes until death do us apart.

    Within three months they were living separated and alive. Divorce rates are fairly high in many countries where people who finally married, have been living for years together. Unlike before the beginning of the 21st century priorities were different. When couples had problems the immediate families intervened and made reconciliations possible.

    This theory of arranged marriages can’t work is the same as unarranged ones. Here is link to a list of countries having the highest rates of separations. India is not in the first 10.

    http://www.aneki.com/divorce.html
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    03.12.11 04:35 AM
    @ Tys,

    I have never ventured into a desert so far, nor have I been inside any Arab country. However, I have passed through the air-conditioned Dubai Airport at least three to four times a year for the last two decades. One could hardly fail to notice this difference for the choice of black for women and white for men dresses.

    I cannot help wondering what kind of theory David Halliday might have had for this dress code, if he happened to pass through Dubai Airport?

    Quote: “Notice that a key element in this system working is the convection?made possible by the escape of air through the porous material”.

    You must be joking if you think, I would dare get close enough check the porosity of the black material the Arab ladies wear.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    03.12.11 03:20 AM
    Hi Angela,

    If you can be more specific about the lie I wrote I have no problem apologizing to you in the way you may deem necessary.

    I regret if I had offended and need to be exonerated from any such intentional offence.

    Rajpriya
  • max brosman
    By
    max brosman
    03.12.11 01:01 AM
    i dont think its just an indian men problem, i think its a problem for all races and classes of people. Men AND women cheat, and thats a fact. however, i do think that arranged marriages play a big factor as to why indain men cheat. how can you get into a marriage without knowing someone before hand? that idea is just crazy to me, but i guess its because i'm not accustomed to such cultural differences. anyway,heres a good list on why women cheat on their spouses. http://www.paranoogle.com/why-women-cheat
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    02.12.11 11:59 PM
    @Rajpriya - please re-read the article and keep your comments about ME based on facts. I like reading different points of views but I am not keen on reading lies written about me. Thanks
  • vishal
    By
    vishal
    02.12.11 11:11 PM
    pooh....if some one wants to cheat, let him/her cheat....live and let live .... are there not more important things to do? :-)
  • HARRY
    By
    HARRY
    02.12.11 11:08 PM
    I like the theory TYS. I thought B-eng Hons taught me every thing, until I read your theory in physics. Is this true ? I don't know, but I like the explanation given by you. :) :) :) :) :)

    HARRY
  • tys
    By
    tys
    02.12.11 10:09 PM
    @rajpriya : just a minor correction in regards to your fact about arabs...

    Why do Bedouins wear black robes in hot deserts?


    Amiram Shkolnik, C. Richard Taylor*, Virginia Finch* & Arieh Borut


    Department of Zoology, Tel Aviv University, Tel Aviv, Israel
    *Museum of Comparative Zoology, Harvard University, Cambridge, Massachusetts 02138


    Survival in hot deserts has always posed a problem for man; Moses had to solve it in order to lead the children of Israel through the wilderness of the Sinai—a formidable hot desert. It seems likely that the present inhabitants of the Sinai, the Bedouins, would have optimised their solutions for desert survival during their long tenure in this desert Yet, one may have doubts on first encountering Bedouins wearing black robes and herding black goats. We have therefore investigated whether black robes help the Bedouins to minimise solar heat loads in a hot desert. This seemed possible because experiments have shown that white hair on cattle1,2 and white feathers on pigeons3 permit greater penetration of short-wave radiation to the skin than black. In fact, more heat flowed inward through white pigeon plumage than through black when both were exposed to simulated solar radiation at wind speeds greater than 3 m s-1 (ref. 3). We report here that the amount of heat gained by a Bedouin exposed to the hot desert is the same whether he wears a black or a white robe. The additional heat absorbed by the black robe was lost before it reached the skin.

    Another way to look at it is this its like having a FAN - The explanation I heard for this is that the clothes themselves are
    very loose (rather like Roman togas). The extra heat caused by the
    black colour causes increased upward convection of the air between
    the cloth and their body. This additional air circulation actually aids in
    evaporation of persiration and thus results in better cooling.
    another scientist put it like this:

    Darker clothes absorb more of the sun's energy, so this seems to
    make no sense, say David Halliday et al. in "Fundamentals of
    Physics." In fact, black robes have been found to be 6 Celsius
    degrees hotter than similar white robes. The Bedouin secret lies in
    the convection breeze set up when the warmer air inside a dark robe
    rises faster and escapes upward through the porous material, sucking
    in air from below. So a black robe winds up being no hotter, and its
    circulating air may even make things more comfortable.
    Notice that a key element in this system working is the convection
    made possible by the escape of air through the porous material.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    02.12.11 05:03 PM
    Follow the links to famous American wife cheaters. Well! They had loads of bucks to get away to pay off the ex's. Did not those ex's marry in the first place knowing that someday they end up richer than they were? Some of them literally exchanged their wives playing musical chairs.

    FAMOUS CHEATERS: List of Celebrity Cheating Scandals that Shocked Americans!

    http://www.gamespot.com/users/abdullah2220/show_blog_entry.php?topic_id=m-100-25766826

    http://www.spitefulcritic.com/2009/06/10-great-men-who-cheated-on-their-wives-and-why-it-shouldnt-matter

    It's so much fun being an American.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    02.12.11 02:55 PM
    HI Dear Bronwyn,

    I regret you sensed any hostility in what I wrote. Let us come down discussing the issue at hand. Don’t you think Angela has the wrong notion of finding the right man in a Bar in India? If you read what you put down, a few times you may find I have just answered those assumptions.

    It may be true in western countries. She has had relationships that didn’t work. How many of the Bar findings end up in lasting happiness even in western countries. Don’t you see she is following a stereo typed western method of looking for what she really wants?

    There will be several compatibility problems with her liberal bar going habits to settle down to a family life, what an Indian man would most prefer sans. First there were arranged marriages the came Bharat Matrimony but India never had any tradition of marriages arranged in bars over glass of whiskey at least for now. Don't you think such an agreement can turn sour the next morning when one gets over his or her hangover? You can't probably walk straight out of a bar leave alone thinking straight.

    Her free nature and bar habits may deter any respectable Indian to have any association with her except satisfying his momentary lust. As a man of Indian origin having travelled half the world and living in Germany I know the east so well as the west. The Twain shall rarely meet.

    To get into any permanent relationships its two-way traffic. Its not just wanting the best if you are not the best. You must try and be the best to desire the best. She already has a grown up daughter that may be one big draw back.

    A man always looks for weakest moments of a woman. To safeguard herself a woman must use the gifts God has given her, the brain. Going around to supermarkets in Europe I see plenty of young girls from South East Asia following older German and English men like little puppies.

    Trying to support Angela does not mean accusing our System and its people.
    Make a choice to live the way we are in India. Trying to change India the way she wants or is used to may be a distant dream.

    I am one who is used to providing solutions to problems all my professional life.

    I hope you get me right?
  • Bronwyn
    By
    Bronwyn
    02.12.11 01:39 PM
    Hello Rajpriya,

    Thanks for your comment, though I sense a bit of hostility.

    I would like to clarify: my comment was not made with the aim of making overarching generalisations, but rather aimed directly at Angela because I can empathise with her experience as a single foreign woman living in India. This is a very unique experience. I am sorry to report that awful things happen to white women due to a sexual immaturity, general lesser awareness and subconscious stereotypes about white women that some Indian men carry. If I told my well-educated, professional Indian guy friends about these events, they would not even believe me, in the same way that you likely wouldn't. Angela, on the other hand, and any other white woman living in India would understand very well. It's a great thing that we girls can share and discuss every wonderful and horrible part of that experience over forums like these, and my comment was only intended for that purpose.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    02.12.11 01:08 PM
    Hi Bronwyn,

    Hitting the nail on the Head? If the hammer is the only tool you have, every nail you see could be problem. How do you precisely assess sexual immaturity in Indian men? Is there anything you could teach us men to achieve that level sexual maturity you are talking about is adequate. What kind of grades do you offer?

    Teaching Grandma’s to suck eggs?

    It’s west that set the precedence to explore a mans’ sexual maturity allowing women to go to bed with as many as they can before they decide which one does it best? I feel so sorry for Angela who has come all that long way in search of true Love with preconceived ideas.

    For a man to like or love a woman, he has to know what she has to offer apart from a lovely white body. If it is just, lust that makes him momentarily attracted that’s only human. God has created the man and woman for the specific purpose of reproduction. If God created all men to hate women, you women wouldn’t have much to complain about.

    Don’t work too hard on the brush off technique, (in other words, Playing Hard to Get) you may end up living in a lonely little island for the rest of your life. Grow up and go out and learn to take what life has to offer. Waiting for right things to happen you will one day become so unattractive to whole world.

    You may miss the bus!
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    02.12.11 01:12 AM
    Hi Angela,

    on a friendlier note here are some observations to help you.


    I asked around a bit on the topic and here’s what I heard:
    • “Cheating apparently happens more in middle-upper and upper class society than lower and middle class”.

    Ans. It happens in every class. No one cares about the lower class. Because there is no place catering to the lower class to wine and dine.

    • I was told that lower and middle class men are so focused on working and supporting the family that there is hardly time or opportunity.

    Ans. That lower and middle class men are too busy focused on supporting the family is not all that true. Those men may be a minority. Sexual attraction hits every man and woman irrespective of class. I know some beggars who have two women.

    • That when every Rupee is counted to make ends meet for a family that there is typically nothing extra that could be used to seduce a lover. And since – generally speaking – women like to be wined and dined, so if there is no disposable income for the wining and the dining then chances are pretty slim that these guys are going to score. I know it still happens but probably not as frequently or lavishly as if they had cash to burn.

    Ans. Sometimes money is not the all-important factor for a man and woman to fall in love or get sexually attracted. The amount of time you have at your disposal to devote in wooing a woman or the other way round is an important factor.

    • The more affluent men typically have business trips and meetings day and night so there is more opportunity for them to hook up with someone. They can also offer a woman a romantic night out, a short getaway at 5 star hotels and they can pamper her…so it would indeed be much easier to start an affair with those resources — and the free time.

    Ans.The affluent types can offer you the so-called one night’s stand, and the next morning, it can be strictly business.

    Finally my advice Angela is, wait to meet your Clark Gable or Mr. Right. Lasting relationships are rare these days. All good things happens to people who wait.

    By the way there are countries warmer than India.

    For e.g. do you know why Arab men are always in pure white clothes and the Arab women are covered up all in black.

    Well! I am certain not many know. But I do. While the Arab men keep Cool in white clothes they like their women very Hot. Black absorbs heat and white repels (Reflects)

    'Secret Daughter' of Clark Gable and Loretta Young, Judy Lewis, Dies at 76
    http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2011/12/01/secret-daughter-clark-gable-and-loretta-young-judy-lewis-dies-at-76/

    Rajpriya
  • Joseph James
    By
    Joseph James
    02.12.11 12:29 AM
    @Rajpriya
    Didn't know you were a modern day 'Abhimanyu.'
    Of course, you wouldn't have heard of the word. It was a clumsy attempt to coin a word (blog+heckling) to describe what you are doing to Angela.
    A grandmother, eh? 'Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her infinite variety.' The Bard is right as ever.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    02.12.11 12:07 AM
    @Joseph James,

    Did you say I have won an argument? And you call it blockling!? Never heard of that word ever in my life. I learnt to speak English as soon I was born.

    I have lernt to lose as well. Just like my grand daughter 8 days ago stunned me saying "Opa When I went to bed last night I was four. When I got up this morning I am Five"

    It was on her Birthday. I speak to her in German/

    She is my little Princess and I love to lose my arguments to her, not it pleases her but me.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    01.12.11 11:46 PM
    Hi Harry,

    I donot run any sites for publc discussions or forums of my own. When I stumble upon sites like the NRI, I contribute my opinion.

    I have read your comments. I work as a consultant serving the Digital Printing Industry who need assistance to get through to the ultimate printed product from the designing stage.

    Rajpriya
  • Joseph James
    By
    Joseph James
    01.12.11 11:38 PM
    @Rajpriya
    Well, this is one way of winning an argument. What do call it? blockling!
  • HARRY
    By
    HARRY
    01.12.11 11:23 PM
    Hi Rajpria

    What site do you run. I am intrested in what you have written because there is a lot of info I did not consider myself on this, when I have read variety of articles in past.

    You do have very intresting and unique theory on the subject at hand, and I would love to know more.

    CAN YOU PLEASE POST A LINK FOR ME.

    HARRY

    PS THANKS IN ADVANCE BEFORE I FORGET.
  • Harish G.
    By
    Harish G.
    01.12.11 11:08 PM
    May be you're right or may be you're wrong, but the result that "Indian men cheat more" may be flawed. "Wrong sample," I might say, or, as we say in our statistical lecture, sample is not correct representation of population :D

    However, nice topic to ramble on. As far as Indian men go, SHY (no way), it's just that general accepted norms tend to differ, not so open they are!
    I would definitely agree to one of the reasons, more cash and more will be the spending, and for what? I rather not say! Kinda reminds me of the documentary "Inside Job" that reflected onto the increase in prostitution, clients were the wall street guys obviously.
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    01.12.11 10:45 PM
    Yes! Angela.

    I have my own reasons for not entertaining too much traffic. There are times I am so busy attending to customers who needed their jobs the day before yesterday. I may not find time managing heavy traffic.

    I just step in to write about my opinions to some postings.

    I hope you understand.

    Rajpriya
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    01.12.11 09:59 PM
    Hi Rajpriya....I can see that your site has so little traffic that Alexa hasn't rated it so I get why you are doing this....but.... you really should publish your own user-generated content on your own site to try and boost your ratings. xo
  • Rajpriya
    By
    Rajpriya
    01.12.11 09:39 PM
    Hi Angela,

    Here are some facts. Convince yourself with some statistics. Your country leads the infidelity list
    with 73%. You are in Bangalore since April 2011. How many Indian men have cheated you? The link is right at the bottom of posting

    Which Country Has the Highest Rate of Infidelity

    I have been getting a lot of visitors from all around the world.

    Below is a list of countries that has brought the most traffic to my site Signs-of-a-Cheater.com with the top three below bringing the majority of the traffic.

    1. United States (73%)

    2. Canada (5%)

    3. Russian Federation (5%)

    4. Great Britain (UK)

    5. Philippines

    6. Australia

    7. China

    8. India

    9. Germany

    10. Netherlands

    Is infidelity more of a problem in the US, Canada and Russia?


    My site is currently too small to represent appropriate infidelity statistics around the world, but the topic is quite interesting.

    Below is an excerpt from the Book, "Lust in Translation: Infidelity from Tokyo to Tennessee" (Penguin Books, 2007) by Pamela Druckerman.

    Compared to the citizens of just about every other nation, Americans are the least adept at having affairs, have the most trouble enjoying them, and suffer the most in their aftermath and Pamela Druckerman has the facts to prove it.

    The journalist’s surprising findings include:

    • Russian spouses don’t count beach resort flings as infidelity

    • South Africans consider drunkenness an adequate excuse for extramarital sex

    • Japanese businessmen believe, “If you pay, it’s not cheating.”

    The morning after François Mitterrand's funeral, a photo showed the late president's mistress and illegitimate daughter standing by his grave alongside his wife and sons. That tableau has become famous internationally as proof that the French are uniquely tolerant of extramarital affairs.

    In fact, although French presidents seem to have an infidelity record approaching 100 per cent, ordinary Frenchmen claim to be quite faithful. In a 2004 national survey, just 3.8 per cent of married men and 2 per cent of women said they had had more than one sex partner in the past year (the best approximation of infidelity) -- fewer than in similar surveys in the U.S. and the U.K.

    If France isn't the world capital of adultery, which country is? I set off around the world to find out.

    I quickly discovered that global sex research is patchy and incomplete. Even serious researchers can't even agree on what to call infidelity. Nigerians prefer the term "sexual networking." The Finns use the morally neutral term "parallel relationships." A French team uses an expression perhaps better suited for an accounting course: "simultaneous multi-partnerships."

    Then there's the tricky matter of what constitutes cheating. A poll in one South African magazine had separate categories for men who cheat, and men who cheat "while drunk." One American survey defined sex as "either vaginal or anal intercourse," while another decided that sex is a "mutually voluntary activity with another person that involves genital contact and sexual excitement or arousal, that is, feeling really turned on, even if intercourse or orgasm did not occur." Americans haven't yet tried to count their so-called "emotional affairs," in which the "cheaters" might never meet.

    Many countries simply have no reliable sex statistics. National surveys are expensive, and many governments are either too prudish or too poor to help pay for them (private funding is seldom sufficient). America's first representative national survey only got off the ground in the 1990s, after conservative members of Congress spent years trying to block it. Hints of Japan's infidelity levels come only from the enormous size of the country's paid-sex industry, which is famously frequented by married businessmen. A legal loophole permits a man and a woman to strike a private agreement for sex. Understandably, the state would rather not be confronted with the details.

    In Russia, just talking about sex research can be hazardous. Soviet governments barely permitted any public discussion of sex, let alone a survey that might embarrass the government by showing that Russians were engaging in banned activities like extramarital affairs. And though the Soviet Union collapsed in 1991, Russia's Orthodox church keeps the current government from funding practically anything related to sex.

    "There were never and will not be in the foreseeable future national surveys," said Igor Kon, a septuagenarian who's Russia's most prominent sexologist. When I visited him in Moscow, Kon showed me the pamphlet in which a group of Russian academics denounced him as a "danger to the Russian society and state" because of his calls for basic sex education and research. Earlier, hoodlums had attacked him while he delivered a lecture at Moscow University, and vandals defaced the door to his apartment. Kon was bothered least when he got a phone call threatening to bomb his apartment, since if the caller was serious Kon would already be dead. "To kill someone in Moscow is not a big problem," he explained.

    Despite the lack of hard data, in Russia and elsewhere there are facts on the ground. In Moscow, women in their forties told me that, by necessity, they only date married men. That's because, since the life expectancy for Russian men has fallen so sharply (to 59) that by age 65 there are just 46 men left for every 100 women.

    And it was clear that Russian men flaunted this demographic advantage. With the exception of a pastor (who was sitting with his wife at the time), I didn't meet a single married man in Russia who admitted to being monogamous.

    A family psychologist whom I had intended to interview as an "expert" boasted about her own extramarital relationships and insisted that given Russia's endemic alcoholism, violent crime, and tiny apartments, affairs are "obligatory."

    Muslim countries tend to be even stricter about sex research. It's impossible to know how much cheating goes on in places like Iran, where convicted adulterers can be stoned to death. But again there are facts -- or at least impressions -- on the ground. In Indonesia, the most populous Muslim country, the middle-class women and men I met said that adultery is absolutely wrong because the Koran forbids it. Then they revealed that many of their married friends, and sometimes they themselves, had lovers. In these circles, the attitude toward affairs seemed almost casual: local slang for a no-strings romp was "afternoon nap," and a brief love affair was a "wonderful interval."

    I didn't find evidence anywhere in the world that religious people are particularly faithful. Within the social circles I studied in Indonesia, the fact that polygamy is legal seemed to legitimize the idea that a man won't be satisfied with just one woman. "Polygamy is something that induces adultery, because before they get married for the second time there's a period of adultery," said sociologist Paulus Wirutomo of the University of Indonesia. "Islam is not permissive, but there's an emphasis on formality."

    I did find that, all over, money shapes the rules of infidelity. Men in rich countries are generally much more faithful than their counterparts in poor ones. That's in part because first-world cheaters tend to be punished more severely. In America, a single affair can mean losing your marriage, your assets, your status and your self respect. Just 3.9 percent of married American men said they'd had more than one partner in the last year, according to the 2004 General Social Survey carried out by the National Opinion Research Center. Even in wealthy countries where the taboo on cheating is weaker than in the U.S. -- Australia, Switzerland and Italy, for instance -- husbands claim to be quite faithful too.

    Among women, it's just the opposite. Women in poor countries say they cheat infrequently, perhaps because they have less financial and social clout than their husbands. But in wealthier countries, where the status of men and women is more equal, levels of male and female infidelity -- while still quite low -- are fairly equal too.

    While it's impossible to get an exact measure of infidelity, there are some clues about where the most cheating goes on. Beginning in the 1990s, researchers tracking the spread of HIV began extensively mapping sexual behavior in sub-Saharan Africa. Their findings were astonishing: in the tiny West African nation of Togo, with a population of less than six million, 37 percent of married or cohabiting men said they've had more than one sex partner in the last year (the figure includes polygamists). Trailing just behind the Togolese were men in Cameroon, the Ivory Coast, Mozambique and Tanzania. In South Africa, even the AIDS educator at a Cape Town metal company told me that of course he had a girlfriend as well as a wife.

    And so the dubious title of world infidelity capital goes to a region: sub-Saharan Africa. And with ordinary citizens cheating at such astonishing levels, one can only imagine what African politicians are up to. Surely they put even French presidents to shame.

  • Neeraj Kumar
    By
    Neeraj Kumar
    01.12.11 05:26 PM
    Very interesting investigation!

    Even under the pure veneer of tradition and culture there might be lurking some reeking facts.

    Hope you don't get pestered by insane invitations in future and get to experience some good things as well about Indian males in near future.
  • Rahul
    By
    Rahul
    01.12.11 11:37 AM
    Interesting post but very very biased... we can't expect anything better because you are a WOMAN. There are an equal number of women who cheat... not so openly like men but they do nevertheless. I would appreciate if you were to write an article about "Why (so many) women cheat."
    Of course men in other countries are so 'satisfied' they don't cheat at all.
  • bemoneyaware
    By
    bemoneyaware
    01.12.11 11:12 AM
    Very interesting post..and I tend to agree with your analysis at the macro level.

    In India we don't talk about sex though we gave world KamaSutra and are second most populous country in the world. In small cities and towns the co-education is not a norm there are separate schools for girls and boys. We are not allowed to express our emotions/sexuality and hence people grow up with twisted (if I may say so) reality.

    In the lower classes of India, husband beats up his wife and can get another wife and the wives can stay together too..my maid husband's has done it..

    You might be getting more offers than other women simply because you are a foreigner and with Hollywood and magazines men here would believe that 1) You don't mind jumping into the bed..
    2) This is a temporary phase for you ..you will go back to your own country so it would be a short lived one..

    Hope you go back with good memories of our country and it's men..you just have to meet the nice guys..!
  • indu chhibber
    By
    indu chhibber
    30.11.11 05:43 PM
    What the fool & just another Indian man have said is what i have been thinking all along.This fascination for white skinned foreign girls,& the popular notion about them being liberal is responsible for the indecent proposals you receive.Therefore you can't base any generalizations on that.For ex i have lived in this country for donkey's years but am yet to receive such a proposal.
  • rajpriya
    By
    rajpriya
    30.11.11 03:30 PM
    Exactly as SJC says, there may be that many Indian women cheating, if this finding “Why Do So Many Indian Men Cheat?” is correct.

    Whether it be abroad or in India it takes two to Tango.

    Is it absolutely necessary to go clubs to cheat on your wife? Women of loose character are not solely a foreign thing. May be women abroad are not shy about admitting they have or had an affair with a married man.

    How many clubs in India cater to a man and woman mixture?

    I live abroad since the 70’s. Never went to a club to find women.

    Rajpriya
  • SJC
    By
    SJC
    30.11.11 02:26 PM
    usually when you get stats on this kind of thing, its the men who claim more partners than women, but if there's that many indian men cheating, they cant all be cheating with the same woman, so indian women must be doing a fair amount of cheating too.
  • Pooja
    By
    Pooja
    30.11.11 11:51 AM
    Well to an extend you have almost covered all the fields about cheating on your partner. But here, I'd like to mention that cheating done not only happen when you are married, a committed relationship is equally important.
    Agreed an arranged marriage is the best excuse to cheat, but who knows the same person would not have cheated on his/her partner before marriage.
    A person cheats, thinking he can not get caught, it gives him a thrill that is missing on most of our lives once we are settled in out routines of house kids and wives/husbands. So when he/she meets a new person, or an ex-flame a feeling of freshness comes over and gives them the illusion of a better possibility.
    Most of the times, it is never about love, cause love is much beyond the matter of heard, its commitment and a sense of responsibility, security and lots of other things.
    An extra marital affair is more about fun and frolic. Its like an virtual escape, forgetting the worries and problems of your real life, dreaming of better possibilities, but the reality is it just adds to one's miseries.
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    30.11.11 09:59 AM
    @Raahila - you are too right...the night before my 1st day at work in India I was dying laughing in the hotel as I was using a self-tanner to try and darker up and look cooler like an Indian while I was watching TV...and advert after advet popped up (as I was still drying) for whitening creams. We all want what we can't have I guess and the grasss IS always greener on the other side :-)

    @Tys - loved your comments. And the evolution of women through it (was worried about that as I started to read so thanks for capturing it). And yes, we all have conquest and to-do lists...whether mental (psychological!) or jotted down and "be with a white girl" probably factors onto some lists just like "see the great wall of China" or "sail down the Nile" :-)
  • tys
    By
    tys
    30.11.11 09:41 AM
    havent read the comments you received, so do not know if iam repeating someone elses thoughts...

    i think we cheat becoz we can...we can and we can get away with it...our society and the culture which formed it has over the years has made woman into some sort of protector of indian morals and values, leaving the men to do what the fuck we want...very smart if you ask me.

    moreover we have also , culturally alienated the wife once she is married to us...upon marraige the woman becomes completely dependent upon the hubby dear..shes off her parents heads..so she is socially alone...of course she get to instill our values to the children...so all in all theres nothing much most indian woman can do if her man cheats, except perhaps ignore it or pretend no knowledge of it...

    our society does not support a single , divorced or seperated woman emotionally...we have made it difficult for them...

    but , angela, i think the men hitting on could have been u more or less the case of a conquest scenario...its the western porn influence..its more of a bait...if it hooks great , if it doesnt, well, great try...yep, its that color issue ...

    but times are, ala bob dylan , a changing...women today can do it on their own....so cheating, by either partner , is now done at the risk of getting the boot...

    when theres more to lose we tend to value things or situations...

    i guess we put up with things what we can put up with....all in the name of a greater good..

    so its all , in the end, perfectly okay...

    truth is angela, if the situations were reversed, woman wud do it too...we are all just human....and we need sex, validation and all the rest that comes with it...we need to feel alive...

    am i going off the subject again?
  • The Fool
    By
    The Fool
    30.11.11 09:31 AM
    Interesting views. But I am not sure about the accuracy. Possibly foriegn women have a greater propensity to attract these kind of men. So you possibly have a greater probability of meeting such men, which makes you think there are a greater percentage of these men. Indian women are considered conservative and a man is likely to get into serious trouble if he makes these approaches to an unknown Indian women. Foriegn women on the other hand may be perceived to be more liberal and easy. Also the percentage of Indian men you find in these clubs is much less than those abroad. Hardly anyone in my social circle in India ever goes to clubs/parties (other than office ones). On the other hand, almost everyone in my social circle abroad go partying. In fact to date I myslef have never been to a club in India whereas I have been to clubs quite a few times when abroad.
  • rajpriya
    By
    rajpriya
    30.11.11 09:25 AM
    Well! I stumbled upon this site by fluke. The generalization of cheating to Indian men is a far fetched assumption. There are enough women around in the world in any country to provide the kind of opportunity to for men to loose their willpower.

    Not long ago did we read stories about John Terry, Ryan Giggs and Wayne Rooney falling for women who provided the ideal situations for cheating on their wives.

    The most honest men at some stage of their life face the danger of getting tempted by a seductress.If there is a man who remained faithful then that was a lack of opportunity.

    Rajpriya
  • Raahila
    By
    Raahila
    30.11.11 12:35 AM
    Very true about the white Fixation in India all the Whitening Ads should be a clue and they also think that if ur not Indian or an Indian origin living abroad all ur life u are of loose Morals I strongly disagree with both even though I come out on the good nd of the whole obsession with Fair and lovely I couldn't be more against it. Beauty has nothing to do with COLOR
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    29.11.11 11:45 PM
    @Nath - daaang, you have strong opinions on this. I don't find it disgusting when they are complete charmers but - agreed - I still don't think it's right.

    @Thousif - the "down times" are when it really would suck to be in a relationship with no chemistry at all because that means there is hardly anything holding it together and the cheating would be so much easier :-(

    @Vikram - yes, agree! Now go back and re-read :-) I do say it happens everywhere around the world, every second of every day :-)

    @Bronwyn - thanks so much for your kind words! I love that so many women have chimed in and that they aren't all throwing spears at me xo

    @Tabs and John Doe - loved your comments, perfection!!

    @Umesh - I hadn't thought about it that way and I really like the idea that you've thrown out ... now please go research it and write an article for the site :-) Would be fantastic!

    @Just Another Indian Man - you are RIGHT! A buddy of mine, he is from Canada and working her for...yeah, you guessed it, a software company...was with me at one of my favourite bars in Bangalore recently and an Indian girl sent him a beer! It was AMAZING! I was so proud of him!! There are a couple of good loooking Swedish guys I spend time with as well and they are eyed up and down when we are out. It's the Tropical Fish syndrome :-)

    @Neelam - things probably have changed a lot indeed :-) I just go out for fun with my friends. My Mom has always said "when it's supposed to happen, it will happen" so I don't feel a mad rush to find Mr. Right like most people. It'll happen when it's supposed to :-)
  • Style Destino
    By
    Style Destino
    29.11.11 11:20 PM
    I think its not just men in India, but its men in general who have a tendency to cheat. And these days women are no saints either.

    Its a matter of personal values and integrity. And those who cant hold high on them, if given a chance would tend to get involved in infidelity. India has a conservative culture, but despite that the tendency to cheap has always been common. Maybe it wasnt as apparent and open as it is now.

    Society at large has loosen its thought about it. Earlier it was not that acceptable, but now its easier to cheap, get divorced, find a new person and still be acceptable in your social circles. Just that much has changed. Instead of closed doors, things are coming out of doors.

  • Neelam Kamdar Bhamani
    By
    Neelam Kamdar Bhamani
    29.11.11 07:21 PM
    wow! I haven't lived in India for over 14 years now and can't believe that the scene has changed so much in that time! But, then again, I was probably oblivious to it being young and self-obsessed myself.
    Also, I must say, that it is probably a very small percentage of men that's doing that. They just all happen to be at the same places looking for 'prey'. The notion is that single girls at clubs and bars are easy and looking for trouble. India at large still has a lot to be desired in its judgement of outgoing, fun-loving, go-getter girls.
    But, you seem to handling it just fine:) Just look elsewhere, like someone here suggested, if you want true romance.
  • Just Another Indian Man
    By
    Just Another Indian Man
    29.11.11 06:13 PM
    Angela, I guess a lot of 'White' women living in India would have similar tales to tell. Fascination with 'fair' skin and the tendency to consider foreigners 'loose' might explain why you get hit on as frequently as you do. Would be interesting to get the 'hit ratio' (single: committed men)and frequency of propositioning from single Indian women to compare. They may have a different story to tell. How Indian men compare with those of other countries would still remain open. I think we need a survey and maybe some qualitative research to really find out. I'd also be interested in knowing whether men of foreign origin in India get hit on by Indian women (my guess is they do more than their Indian counterparts) and the 'hit ratio' of Indian women hitting on them. Indian men may not have too much data to share on that one though!
  • umesh derebail
    By
    umesh derebail
    29.11.11 05:08 PM
    Angela, Indian men were open about centuries ago, if you look at the temple facade erotica was boldly sculpted, Kamasutra was penned down, somehow down the line when Europeans came to India, it was scorned upon and i believe indian society went into a shell. My views may be radically different, actually it is Indians who corrupted the west rather than other way around.
  • John Doe
    By
    John Doe
    29.11.11 04:50 PM
    Years ago, we Indians used to say these same things about foreigners! That's right! All of em, no matter which part of the world you are from! Now it is really funny to hear someone else say this about us! Guess this is what "development" means! hehe!!!
  • Tabs
    By
    Tabs
    29.11.11 03:49 PM
    Angela,

    I really liked your article. It was honest. I will quote two successful Indian men I have met.

    First, a businessman married to a doctor (who left her work to take care of the kids). He once told me, "I married her cause that is all I got."

    The second my Uncle, who was a successful pilot. He would often light up telling me the story of how he met his wife and say, "The day she(his wife) said 'yes', was the happiest day of my life!" A story I have heard countless times from him.

    I think this is the reason Indian men who cheat, cheat. 'They just marry for the wrong reasons.'

    Men & women here marry to keep their parents happy, or because everyone else seems to be getting married, or I'll be socially stigmatized, or now I have a good job and I need someone to take care of my home, or my biological clock is ticking so...

    I think if you really love & respect someone, you would marry them for the right reasons. And if it was hard to continue with the relationship, you would be honest to tell them about it.
  • Bronwyn
    By
    Bronwyn
    29.11.11 12:18 PM
    I also think that CHOCOLATE brought up some excellent points. I would also agree that most cheating happens in middle and upper class unions, and the vast majority of Indians don't fall into this category.

    You have inspired some fantastic comments on a very relevant issue. Thanks!
  • Bronwyn
    By
    Bronwyn
    29.11.11 12:16 PM
    Hi Angela! Thank you for a great piece.

    I think you hit the nail on the head: it is precisely because Indian society is (or at least used to be!) so conservative and spiritual and sexually immature that cheating is definitely rampant. Being another lone foreign woman living in India, I can definitely identify with the ratio of single/unavailable men who are hitting on you, and the sheer numbers as well.

    I am still working on getting the brush-off technique. 15 seconds is very impressive!

    Great article again, and hope to cross paths one day!
  • Vikram
    By
    Vikram
    29.11.11 10:58 AM
    Why Indian? I think all men cheat and most women do too. I think mammals are polygamous not sure of many exceptions to this rule. But man has set some social standards to this. The advent of Christianity was very important to condone polygamous behavior, which was otherwise prevalent in much of Rome and Greece.

    Now Indian men have all their decisions made for them by family or by parents, hence the tendency to rebel indiscreetly is high and cheating forms a big part of that equation. These are usually men with very low self esteem.
  • Thousif Raza
    By
    Thousif Raza
    29.11.11 10:40 AM
    i think u are rgt in saying infeditilty is more in the upper class group than lower

    Money does play a very significant rule... guys having more money do think they are bored in the relationship they'r in and try to find fun in other ways...

    But even money is not the imp factor here... the imp factor is the commitment and not just from the guys side but also from the woman's side...

    There r times in a rekationship when bore sets in, its inevitable... u may say ur the greatest lovers on earth but we humans are built in such a way that we seek new things.,... and its ur partner's responsibility to try doing something new if not all the time atleast sometimes ....

    if both of them talk to each other and say these are the things i dont like then maybe there might be a answer to the problem, thats where indian lacks i feel.. there's no effective communication...and due to that, men do what they do... go around finding pleasure where they can, rather than sit down and talk the problem out...

    Woman also have this preconcived notion that... oh i do so much for him still he has so many problems... i feel couples should talk to each other and come to a solution rather than just give up and go cheat...

    Thats what i feel...

    Take care and keep writing.........
  • Bloggie
    By
    Bloggie
    29.11.11 09:02 AM
    Interesting take there...I mean there are so many dimensions to cheating that the whole thing becomes an interesting study :)...I sometimes feel that everyone cheats or atleast most people do...it is just that some get the opportunity and use it...while others wake up late and a few others wait for a better offer..:) just my two pennies...
  • Nath
    By
    Nath
    29.11.11 03:15 AM
    So true! Also I noticed that lots of grandpas hangout on bars/clubs in India (never seem that in other countries, only in India).
    There is nothing more unattractive than a married/engaged man trying to hit on oh a girl..That's disgusting and cheap.
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    29.11.11 02:36 AM
    @Maddie, good points. I was married to a Spaniard and we lived in Barcelona, Spain (I have lived outside the U.S. longer than in it as an adult and I haven't set foot in the U.S. in a decade) so I don't think I'm the best person to answer your questions but I am sure lots of readers here could :-)
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    29.11.11 02:25 AM
    Thanks for commenting :-)

    @Ankit, Chocolate - I just like hanging out with my friends when I go out to parties but you are right about those venues not being the place to find romance.

    @Harry - I re-read my comment and can't find the self pity, just setting the record straight. You accuse me of something quite ugly in a very open forum without knowing me or having met me. With respect to the use in the article, prey has nothing to do with being a victim...I used it as "a living creature being hunted for food or sport..." :-)
  • Maddie
    By
    Maddie
    29.11.11 02:06 AM
    If arranged marriages are to be blamed for high rate of cheating in India, Pray what do you attribute the high rate of cheating in the US? Non arranged marriages?
    Could it be that men are men irrespective of citizenship?
    Also, did you not get any attention in the US? What do you attribute the over 50% divorce rate in the US to?
  • HARRY
    By
    HARRY
    29.11.11 01:11 AM
    Now come come Ms. Carson don't give me that self pitty. You have been to more party's then I've had hot curries. You know the score. You have seen the circus. I am not talking about any other articles. You wrote in this article " I'm just one of the many unlucky "prey" for these guys. " and if I am not wrong you said on top in bracket "( I have became very good at the " brush off " and have it down to 15 seconds now )". and that's not just for the ugley one's.

    What's wrong with above statements, well the only way you would be a prey is, if you fell for these scums, and they have taken advantage of you. But you said that having few ex's behind you and having all the experience, I am not buying a prey thing thus the statement.

    I was being frank not rude.
  • CHOCOLATE
    By
    CHOCOLATE
    29.11.11 01:01 AM
    Hi Angela,

    I am an Indian guy.You have an interesting post up. Although, I feel that to call Indian men naughty would be going too far, I think it is rather a case of Indian men being socially inept to cover up their intentions. One night stands and guys hitting on girls just for the sex, and blah blah happens everywhere in the world, only the people are more suave and you could say better groomed and indirect and so "respectful". So it is about Indian ,men being socially inept than naughtier as such.

    Indians cheat more is an overstatement. I concede that well, many upper-middle class and upper class men might be cheaters but India is majorly made up of the lower middle class, family oriented men, who work their ass off for their families. I don't think they have the time or the energy to go to 5 stars or other "romantic" dates. So to go on to say the Indian's are cheaters isn't very factual. The fact of the matter is most Indian men belong to the lower middle class and are very family oriented and would maybe I guess, be less prone to cheating.

    I don't know why no friend of your's has mentioned it to you, but I'll break it to you that in India, given the culture and the norms, a bar would be the least probable place to be picked up at by good men in India. I think you could meet better guys at other places. Even those who drink and are more "Western" in outlook and might have similar interests as you would go to other places than bars and clubs, where you should find them.

    Well you were in the US,and well the president, Bill Clinton, the first person of the country, cheated!! Does that mean anything for other Americans ? I do not think so. Generalization is something we all humans are great at but it isn't good.

    Cheers.
  • Ankit Rawal
    By
    Ankit Rawal
    29.11.11 01:01 AM
    Angela, is it not possible that you have only been to places where Men are look for extracurricular activities(Just saying) for instance PUB or a Discotheque etc, from my experience (which is a limited one) when i broke up, the only place i thought i could hit on a girl or ask for a girl out is in a PUB or a Discotheque and i was wrong.

    My advise will be skip the PUB and Discotheque for some time visit places which are more quoit, no loud music where you can sit for hours and do nothing, just let your imagination run wild and then i would wait for you to write an article and the subject line will say "Why Indian Men are so Faithful?"

    Ankit
  • Ruchi Sunandan
    By
    Ruchi Sunandan
    29.11.11 12:03 AM
    Infidelity is common and increasingly becoming popular. One can't really pinpoint at a particular reason for that: hardships of life, conservative culture and upbringing, arranged marriages and an upwardly changing lifestyle of the middle class. Till a few years ago, socializing was more or less a taboo. I feel, aspirations to be more modern and western also lead to such scenarios. Actually, the whole basis of the western culture is quite misunderstood in our country, unfortunately. And btw, women are no less. Anyway, till you find a sensible, sane and matured company, enjoy the socializing and good luck with the brushing off!! There still are some good guys out there.
  • A 60 year old Indian man from UK
    By
    A 60 year old Indian man from UK
    28.11.11 10:36 PM
    Wow, what an article!
    Most of what Rhhila has said is quite true
  • Angela Carson
    By
    Angela Carson
    28.11.11 10:35 PM
    Wow, some great comments here, especially love the equal mix of men to women entering into the topic. From my limited experience so far in India I still think it has more to do with unhappy marriages like a few people have mentioned above (either marrying too early, arranged marriages with no chemistry, etc).

    @Harry ... seriously? Because I write about dancing bans, relationships, moustaches and diverse other topics then that makes me a predator? You are way off base with your judgement of my behaviour (or personality) but even so, the handsome ones hit on me too so there's really no need for me to take on that role even if it was my style... :-)
  • HARRY
    By
    HARRY
    28.11.11 09:55 PM
    Hi Angela
    I think you are a preditor hidden in the pery's uniform, from what I have read written by you. Ready to pounce on a good looking man.

    I think this is a very complex situation on the topic you have written about, and there is no black and white or straight forward answers to this problem. The true answers to this only can be given by the cheaters and people who have been cheated on.

    One thing I am going to say is this, our culture and society has written a sex manuel ( KARMA SUTRA ) on how to have perfect sex, because every body knows how to do it, but not every body is an expert at it. Why do you need a sex manuel if sex is not important to human being ? If this is true, then this is happning for long time.

    I don't think this is exclusive to India and Indian men. I am sure this must exist in the other parts of the world because LUST is a most primal urge in evrery human being. Most crimes are commited for this purpose only, and if you take this away from equation, then I don't think we as a society need any law and order. I may be wrong on this but I know it makes sense.

    I will give you may explanation on this as why an Indian man, but I am sure this applies to both sexes because for you to have an affair with you need a opposite partner. It takes two to tango if you see my point.

    So here goes this pivital point once came in to my married life as well. I DIDN'T CHEAT. This only happens to individuals, who are in very low part in their marrieage and they are drowning in very law self estim and can't seem to see way out of everydays grind, then this and variety of the other factors along with this will then drive you to cheat to perk your self up.

    This is like a drug that you need every time to perk your self up and once you start , there is no stopping this individual until he/she is discovered in their tryst. The looks ugley or beautiful don't comes in to this equation, when it comes to partners choice for this purpose.

    Would I have cheated in my low times ? maybe YES . But would I now ? NO. Unless it's Prinka chopra on plate and chance of this is nill. :) :)

    HARRY
  • Raahila
    By
    Raahila
    28.11.11 07:03 PM
    Indian men don't know how to date they are socially awkward with girls and women all their life there are very few that would actually be suave. They don't take Rejection very well and have to please their parents and all that crap. People in India Get married too early and don't grow up enough by travel or experiencing new thing to know actually what they want. when i moved from New york to Bombay the culture shock was eminent and guys would think i was in love with them or was coming on to them just because i was being nice and cordial. They need to grow up and cut the umbilical cord that wraps around their neck. :) hope u meet the Suave exception:) i prefer the shy not mommas boys myself :) all the best
  • Abu
    By
    Abu
    28.11.11 02:55 PM
    I wish you were not treated as a 'prey'.
    In fact, I wish that men, especially Indian, were not the hunters but the hunted ones(or better haunted if they are married)...
    Seriously, these blokes are setting up a very wrong 'notion', 'example'.
    The reason why you may be approached by so many idiots is that you may be in the circles of the rich and affluent ones...
  • beinghindu
    By
    beinghindu
    28.11.11 01:09 PM
    totally agree here!!! its happening in india, not only big cities ,everywhere !!! If you look at it many perspective there are many social aspect .....but I don't agree its the "restricted" attitudes towards sex in our society is the reason behind it. If it is true then, those "restrictions" were there always.Look back time, generation go and ask grand fathers or somthing they will tell you at their time "this much" moral degradation was not there in our society....so what is the reason now??? ........I can give you few...but won't be right if I wright all those here........
  • vishal
    By
    vishal
    28.11.11 12:50 PM
    oh i did not know india was such a heaven....india here i come!! :-)
  • vishal
    By
    vishal
    28.11.11 12:50 PM
    oh i did not know india was such a heaven....india here i come!! :-)
  • Rituparna
    By
    Rituparna
    28.11.11 11:14 AM
    Infidelity is pretty common in India & in all stratus of the society.What I think is the main reason is the closed attitude of the society towards sex.It is considered almost a taboo to discuss,speak or even think about it.But we are all human beings after all & our basic natural incline is towards reproduction.If you make that a taboo then there are many consequence.Infidelity is just a part of it.N mind you Indian women are no less.There are way to many unhappy marriages,unsatisfied people,so infidelity is the next step.

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