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(I Want To) Stand Up!

(I Want To) Stand Up!

March 19, 2012

An Indian in search of his balls.

There is something glorious about being an Indian. I love it. It’s like being inside the house on a rainy day and watching the world outside getting wet, flooded or swept away and you know that as long as we have our masala chai and those hot pakodas, everything is all right.

With me.

I love it.

I love the fact that I have the handed down wisdom of a thousand years, which says that everything happens for a reason and every thing is karmically balanced. Thats why I don’t do charity. Blind guy with a missing leg born into utter poverty, begging on the street? He probably deserved it due to his past birth sins. Lucky me. I must have been cleaning karma's balls with my tongue to have been dealt the hand I was given.

I love the way I cannot see beyond myself. Me Indian. You who?

I love the fact that I can go anywhere and don’t have to change a single thing about me. I will eat my rice, dal and pappadoms even when I visit Antarctica. I might, with trepidation, indulge in some local cuisine, only to validate an established fact that nothing can beat my Indian food.

I am a proud Indian.

There's nothing beyond me. I will learn about you, will have opinions about you - I might even say I care about you but you will never catch me standing up for you.

Kill an Indian and you bet your arse I will be there, shouting on the street, in front of your embassy. I am like that. I care for my kind. I see nothing beyond my kind.

My ancient culture, my ancient language, my ancient history, my ancient religions. Hell, the only thing new here is me.

Tibetans immolating themselves for their freedom? Why should I care? I have done my part in giving refuge to the Dalai Lama. I will now get back to sending pink chaddis to my politicians.

Syrian civilians getting butchered by their dictatorial government regime? Great conversation subject. Allow me to give you my intellectually stimulating take on it over tea. After which I will resume to write an article about it, thereby declaring my position and then have my drink with some tandoori chicken and dream of naked desi girls.

Sri Lanka anyone?

I always wonder why no one likes me. I cannot understand how anyone can help not liking me. I am Indian. Our women are the most beautiful.

And I do have the Himalayas and my holy men.

You got to like me.

I love it that I never take a stand for anyone other than my kind. There's a term for it.

Lack of balls.


Take a stand.

In a country where we I am ruled by the government who are actually supposed to represent me, I am what I am decided to be. I don’t exist.

No one is fighting my battles.

I want to take a stand.

I want my country to tell China to take their noodles and get the f**k out of Tibet.

I want my country to stand up and announce in the UN that we support the Syrian civilians in their longest peaceful protest against a regime that is cutting them down. I want me to be outraged. I want me to scream.

I want me to take a stand. I want the country to be about us. The people. I want to be represented not ruled. I don’t want some moron with arcane ideas and a mobile phone streaming porn to tell me what I stand for.

What we stand for. I want to be proud.

I want to help my neighbours in rebuilding their houses. I want me to stop viewing their misfortunes as my opportunities. I want to stop smirking when they fall.

I want to be able to tell my old friends that just because we are friends doesn't mean that I will have to agree with you when you are being an arsehole.

I want to stop being a coward. Worried about pissing off some bullies because that will mean I get to eat my lunch in peace, while the rest of the school gets theirs knocked to the ground.

I want to stand up and say stop. Then, if required, I want to kick them in their balls.

And you know what? If anyone can, I can.

Because I am an Indian.

And I want my balls back.

Photo credit: 


  • tys
    28.03.12 09:59 PM

    Though I have had my fill of armchair support, this seems to be something that can get our representatives attention...
  • tys
    28.03.12 09:39 PM

    just a start...

    for those who had enough of just talking about it
  • tys
    28.03.12 10:46 AM
    rhythmdivine: these are all just words...still feel impotent...hate that we r not doing what we can for Tibet...that no matter how we justify it through eco-socio-political gibberish, the truth is we are just scared to pick a fite with the school yard bully, so we just watch and spout words...

    the worst part is we have been there...we were when its our turn, when we can do something simple like stating that we stand for freedom, we play word games...its sickening....physically sickening...

    its just cowardly...

    feel impotent.
  • Rhythmdivine!
    28.03.12 03:32 AM
    Awesome post Tys... Where ever we(Indians) try to stand up for something while we grow up, some one will make sure the load is put into our head so that we will never stand up again.. Underutilized ..slowly... the balls will disappear and we stop standing up for a cause.. Even after we know that is not right and we know exactly what to do..I have had this same feeling for a long time, but am happy to see someone calling this out !!
  • tys
    21.03.12 11:02 PM
    jyoti ( sorry for getting that wrong), the system is created by us, maintained by us...dont u see the irony of being held to ransom by a minority?

    i dont know...

    i dont know what i wud do.

    but i do know that i live this one time..and will only die once...i want to make it it selfish.
  • Jyoti
    21.03.12 06:43 PM
    tys, its Jyoti and not Jyothi :-)

    I do not agree to the "Lack of Balls" point. Today's youth is full of anger and frustration about what is happening in India. We have seen the outrage now and then ( Example - Anna Hazare Movement).

    But the agony is whoever tries to stand against the system is made to sleep forever. The recent death of IPS Narendra in UP is a burning example of the same. We all WANT to stand against the wrong thing, but not at the cost of our lives. Afterall we are normal middle-class people. We have a family to look after.
    21.03.12 03:12 PM
    @ TYS

    I normally wear the pants in my house as well, but it's wife who tell me which one.
    Well come to my world TYS.
  • tys
    21.03.12 09:19 AM
    mojo, i saw some episodes of ' what would you do?' on youtube. Very illuminating. Thank you. But what about issues thats not happening in my sight?
  • Shai
    21.03.12 04:34 AM
    Top article!

    Its true that you find people only ever taking care of their own - whether its their own friends, their own family, their own countrymen or the kin of their religion. But whatever we are, whether we're Western or Indian, Hindu or Muslim, brown or polka-dot, we should stand up for what is right.

    Why? Because we're human.
  • tys
    20.03.12 09:46 PM
    i think most of us thinks that someone else will do it...

    in my case, i normally never get involved...i guess it comes from my sheer lack of concern for anything beyond myself..normally it takes my wife to point something out and then tell me to do something about it ...then i go and do it..

    very hanuman, i must say.

    in my house, i might wear the pants but my wife is the one with the balls.

    i am just the muscles.

    but i have noticed that standing up , past the initial reluctance,is a very liberating experience...very empowering...and in some ways humbling.
  • Mojo
    20.03.12 07:21 PM
    I couldn't agree more with your mother.
    Bad things happen becuase too many good people dont speak up.
    We see injustice and our instict is to just keep walking on.
    Not our problem huh?
    There used to bea good show on Television called "what would you do?" and it shows situation with actors and common people and how most people here in the US just ignore it.
    Very few take a stand.
    Watch it if you can and you'll see what a balless society we have become globally.
  • Mojo
    20.03.12 07:18 PM
    LOL yes Tys, I often say I am the only the one with balls in a room full of men, ironic since I am a Woman :)and a mom.
  • tys
    20.03.12 10:26 AM
    mojo : seems like ur balls are still on. My mother told me long long ago that a million saying a wrong is rite, doesnt make it so....the consience of a society is in that small voices...and when they speak the world changes....
  • Mojo
    20.03.12 01:04 AM
    Oh boy, I cannot agree with you more.
    The lack of balls from Indians I have seen has me ashamed of being part Indian. If Only I had a dollar for the number of times when I have stood up in room full of balless indians for something right, I would be a millionaire. Its the I dont; want to get in this mess (lafda) mentality, that does us in.
    We will not say "hey dont hit that 5 year old beggar child, its wrong and a crime"
    We will not say "No, its not ok to beat your wife"
    "No, its not Okay to tease someone becuase they are a different color, dark, a different religion or have none"
    "No, its not ok to bash someone becuase they work for you or are poor""No, its not okay to treat someone different becuase they are a lower caste, or whatever"
    And "No, its not Okay to rape a woman just becuase she is wearing jeans or a skirt, you Dumb F***".
  • tys
    19.03.12 09:31 PM
    jyothi : what didn't you agree with? i am curious.

    amit : i absolutely dismiss such wild allegations.

    jayanth : :) we still wear the yokes of subversion...i personally don't like it when i am not consulted before someone takes a decision on my voting, iam putting someone up there to represent me...i want representation.

    being hindu : :)

    writerzblock : i actually support the pink chaddi campaign..i loved it...i thought it was a novel, creative, original way to humiliate a bunch of morons .... but i want to do more than click like or forward mails ...

    dr.idli : i am going to make a facebook page called Indians looking for their balls....and all are invited....first thing on the agenda is getting Tibet back to Tibetians...

    harry : i think my balls is under the table or of these days i am going to find it , if not, i will grow it again...
    19.03.12 08:49 PM
    @ TYS

    What can I say I am shaking my head. :) Amen to all above.

    I think this is part of our nature for being human. Is it possible to change nature? maybe, maybe not. I don't think we are the only living spiecies who thinks this way. If this is any comfort to you. I agree with you on some points. I am not giving you an excuse but I am only elaborating a theory to excuse you from your responsibilities.

    Good day to you and God bless you, :) so that you dont have to kiss karama's balls. :)

  • Dr_idli
    19.03.12 06:24 PM
    shaking head ( typical indian way- neither yes, nor no ) That is indianess . lol
  • Writerzblock
    19.03.12 04:14 PM
    Wooww, this is very different from the humourous posts you write. Very strong emotions here. I agree with some of it.. the lack of 'standing up' for 'anything' at all is a huge huge negative. But I do believe things are changing , even if it is in a very small way. The Pink Chaddi campaign (that you obviously seem to dislike) was actually a small movement. Perhaps not the ideal one, but it is still a ripple!! But yes, at the end of the day, I think what we need is a little spunk, or in your words, the balls to stand up for what we believe (if we do believe in something, that is).
  • beinghindu
    19.03.12 12:24 PM
    ;D great one!!!!
  • Jayanth Tadinada
    Jayanth Tadinada
    19.03.12 11:37 AM
    @Tysonice: You make a lot of sense but didn't you know that criticizing the govt. is against Indian culture?
  • Amit Agarwal
    Amit Agarwal
    19.03.12 11:17 AM
    I knew doc that you do love India, but this much? A pleasant surprise! Nice post!
  • Jyoti
    19.03.12 10:57 AM
    Do not completely agree with your content but loved the sarcasm in the article. Very well written.

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