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I Am Not That Man

I Am Not That Man

January 08, 2013
I, as a man, refuse to apologize for what happened in Delhi or in any part of the world.

Another year is here.

Disappointingly the world didn’t end on the 21st of December as promised.

Sometimes I wonder why our species is even supported by nature. It’s not like we contribute anything. Even our shit doesn’t make it to the ground. We don’t get eaten much, we don’t become worm food. Every single thought or act that our so called evolved reasoning self is capable of only suits itself. Absolutely useless species. I bet we don’t even taste that good.


Being in India is fun. You discover new things about yourself.

Being an Indian man, apparently means I will inevitably rape any girl if they dress inappropriately. This is news to me. For one thing, I have no idea what dressing inappropriately means. Appropriate for whom? To the wearer or the beholder? If it is the former, then it is already appropriate, otherwise they would not wear it. If it is the latter, then the problem is still with the beholder, don’t you think? I mean, why on earth should anyone bother with what you deem inappropriate because no one is asking you to wear it, so what’s your problem when someone else does? I don’t get it. But then I am just stupid.

So a mini skirt is supposed to get me into a raping frenzy. Really?

I like girls, I really do. I also like sex. The kind where we both want to do it with each other and there is a mutual exchange of body fluids and cigarettes afterwards. I also find women very attractive in whatever they wear. In some cases, in what they don’t wear. But not once have I had the urge to forcefully subdue them or do anything to them, other than looking at them and thanking the make believe entity that they exist. That they exist and I share space with them.

So who are these men they are talking about? Apparently they exist. I am sure they do. After all our nature is such that we have the tendency to defile everything we gaze upon.

I, as a man, refuse to apologize for what happened in Delhi or in any part of the world. I once quietly left the auditorium of the IISE , after listening to the tale, told in a matter of fact way by a participant from Africa, about being made to watch his sister being raped by a group of rebels. After which her throat was slit and the participant, who was all of 12 years old, being made to drink her blood. I went to my room and screamed into my pillow. But I will not apologize.

I am not that man.

It’s not about respect for women or about humanity or compassion or any of those things you think will stop people from being worse than the most horrible nightmare you can have. I have seen a normal city, with normal everyday people, erupt into a murderous mob. I have also seen some whose citizens don’t. Normal, ordinary, average people who don’t.

There are those.

I do not know why people do what they do. But I hear these amazing solutions.


You got to love them. To think we put them out there in the first place.

One moron thinks that the problem is because men and women are interacting too much, due to work, etc, and that is a fertile ground for rape. This moron is a woman to boot. Right. Put women and men together and men will rape the women.

Another of course felt it’s the clothes. Indian men see legs or any uncovered part of a woman's body and will be overcome with such lust that they just lose control. Can’t really blame us. It’s as always the women's fault. Of course we never rape anyone in a sari, burkha and head to toe covered salwar or bed sheets.

I have a suggestion. Tight Jeans. I remember in college, I gave up making out because of those jeans. You really can’t get them off.  Make tight jeans mandatory attire for men and women. End of Rape.

One said, it’s because women work and keep late hours. Women should be at home, cooking, cleaning and serving their husbands. For good measure, she should move to a village, because in villages, women don’t get raped. There was even talk of imposing a curfew for women, not to be seen outside after 8pm. This is kinda funny. I mean, they are the victims right? Why don’t we just decide to shoot any man seen outside after 8pm?

Of course there was one intellectual who wondered why the girl was out at night, with a male friend watching a movie? Very valid question. Why? Why was she alive in the first place? Why wasn’t she killed when she was born like the million others we have done over the years? Why was she educated? Why was she working? Why was she not married? She was 23 for heaven's sake!

Personally I blame Yann Martel. If it wasn’t for that book, and the subsequent movie, none of this would have happened. Women would have been safer. Life of Pi. That’s who we should blame.

I like politicians. Who needs Comedy Central, when you can just watch your news?

Heard about the hate speech?

Doesn’t it remind you of that Panchatantra story about the 2 goats and the fox we read in school? The one where the fox gets the goats to fight so that he can drink the blood that is spilled? Remember? What a moron!  At least he could have been subtle.

You want to know what really made me proud these last few months, amidst all this crap.

Rape happens in every part of this world but it’s only in this country that a nationwide protest took place to demand the government to do something about it. I think once we old fogies, with our impotent rage and cultural baggage, clear out, this country will be in capable hands of today’s generation who don’t seem to take things lying down.

I kinda like that. Maybe there’s still hope.


  • sourav roy
    sourav roy
    01.02.13 04:00 PM
    Brilliant article. Can't agree more!
  • Rajpriya
    15.01.13 04:15 PM

    I cannot imagine what would happen if this happens in India?
    Going Undieground:

    If passers by were not onlookers in India?
  • Tys
    15.01.13 09:33 AM
    @ prasson : look but don't touch, admire, but don't judge with your limited yardstick...tease , if that rocks your boat, with class , back off gracefully and with dignity when it is not short , respect a persons personal space. The anology of this petrol and fire , I have heard, when I was a child ( and that is like prehistoric times). Are you saying that this explosive lust that seems to be inherent in us should not be provoked, lest it translates itself as rape and molestation, in which case there is nobody to blame but the ignorant victim? That it is in our nature to rape?

    I cannot talk for anyone else, sir but you are wrong. I believe that perceptions can be taught, morals , standards , judgements , are all learned responses. The danger is when it is accepted without questioning. Man's only redeeming feature has been in his ability to go beyond his limitations. It is when we as humans, go beyond our nature, not by suppressing it but by dissipating it with understanding and awareness, that we can claim a difference from other species.

    There's only one truth in all religions and laws that is worth it's salt... Do onto others as you would have others do onto you.
  • Tys
    15.01.13 09:09 AM
    @ vince mon : thanks a lot for your kind words.
    @ navin : lately men in Bangalore has been wearing skirts to show solidarity and mostly to highlight the stupidity of the word appropriate. If what the moral policing squad is saying is to believed, then men in Scotland with their kilt is not safe on our Indian streets. In fact, what exactly is the difference between a folded lungi and a skirt? As a mallu, I need to now be concerned.
  • Navin
    13.01.13 09:03 PM
    Totally Agree!
  • Vince Mon
    Vince Mon
    11.01.13 03:57 AM

    Wonderful article! Appreciate your fluid style of writing and the way you put points across. Hope those people, who calls themselves 'Men' shamelessly, also gets to read this.
  • tys
    10.01.13 05:54 AM
    @ sushmita: amid all that moral pissing contest I missed your lovely comment. Thank you.
  • Prassoon Suryadas
    Prassoon Suryadas
    10.01.13 04:52 AM
    Rajpriya - Glad to know that you are showing more interest in knowing who "Prassoon Suryadas" is, than what he says. I might be able to help you out with more info...

    I will not deny that I'm unaware of My Nation, but i do not want to admit my physical involvement with them. They should be more interested in what I'm talking about rather my personal life. I'm not a sexist, so i don't care if they are all male or all women or mixed.

    BTW from your comments and based on my experience I would say you are MORE LIKE a Feminist. The reason why i felt so is because a Feminist is the one who does not like two things... They quickly feel uneasy to these two things - Truth & Logic. If they fail on a logical rebuttal, they immediately go personal... If that is not finding any result then its horrible... they go freaking abusive.

    You are not quite there yet, that's why i used "more like". Either way I'm least bothered.
  • Prassoon Suryadas
    Prassoon Suryadas
    09.01.13 08:41 PM
    Tys - " and you could be actually right...and if thats the case, then in who is the need for a change in midset needed the most?"

    Sounds very shallow to me. I will show but don't look... I will tease but don't get teased..

    Petroleum; gasoline; good or bad? You are asking to filter out the explosive elements in gasoline so that someone can play fire crackers in gas station!!!

    Oh yea we need change...give it a try.
  • Rajpriya
    09.01.13 04:52 PM
    @Men's Rights,

    The comment you have posted smells like you have plagiarized from one of several websites that carry the same stuff in its entirety?
  • tys
    09.01.13 11:29 AM
    @prasoon : though i agree with you on the media influence that seems to control the thinking and action of the general population to a certain extent, i dont think that people are mindless machines who are incapable of self analysis and opinions...not all is explained by statistics...all it does is turns events into numbers ... it has its purpose but quantifying human tragedies does not make it go away or make it easier to accept ... in some cases it gives us an excuse for inaction becoz it gives us a sembelance of 'its not that bad when compared to them' feeling...perhaps it works for some but it doesnt to me...

    i lack sphere of influence is very limited...i cannot waste my time feeling bad about the starving mass in Ethiopia, when i can actually do something about the hungery under my nose...iam a realist...atleast thats how i excuse myself..what iam trying to say, rather poorly, is that i dont care for reasons...i do care for the consequences .. if that makes me inappropriate, then thats fine...question is why is it not with you?..

    i admit to the fact that i am an average man, whose area of interest only lies within a limited field of my me and untill the day feminazis or any such consipracies coming knocking on my door, iam fine...but thanks for the advance notice..

    yeah...iam shallow..

    but since we started this on dressing, lets explore that...why does it matter to another how another person dresses? i can understand when ones action directly effects another, like in speech, deed etc whereby you can term that as inappropriate...but clothes?

    i do agree that it can raise eyebrows, and some of the time, that might be the intention behind it, so being inappropriate maybe delibrate and you do have the right to your opinion...u can raise that eyebrow but to presume that its an invitation to physical violation is wrong on many levels...

    i understand your stand...i know that what you are refering to is common are saying that you are asking for trouble, or courting danger, when you wave a red flag at the bull...but when you say that, you are actually insinuating that most men are a threat...and you could be actually right...and if thats the case, then in who is the need for a change in midset needed the most?

    @ mens right : there is definetly a risk in any law being abused...i recall in kerala there was an introduction of a complaint box being installed for girls to anonymously put in complaints about eve teasing and the perpertuaters would be picked up by the cops...the idea was good but it was soon abused...some people, both girls and boys, started putting fake complaints about boys , in some cases for the fun of resulted in many boys being humilated for no reason...soon this step was it does happen..and it will..

    but what is happening right now is a good thing...government is being forced to do something about track courts, surviallence in public transports, effective punishments etc are the need of the hour...

    and i hope the new laws does not have loops in it to be abused...and if there are, people like you will ensure that it is rectified..

    @ harry : i dont know, harry...i really dont..dont know why they do it, what to do with those who do...i really dont...i know what i will do..thats all i know..iam not even talking a retorical situation here...i have lots of women friends, i have worked for women, i have partied with them, i have seen and interacted them in many levels, i have seen them in various garbs, i am attracted to some of them, iam married to one of them, but i have never eve teased in my whole life, never even considered it...i have never forced myself on any women...i have however tried my hand at seduction...and man, iam awful at it...

    so i know ,in regards to this one thing, iam normal or abnormal as the case may be...
  • Rajpriya
    09.01.13 11:07 AM

    Did I betray my mindset?

    I have not seen you posting comments before on NRI. Your post made me get inquisitive and after seeing the big picture behind it I find it no surprise that you will not accept any counter arguments against your involvement with MyNation Foundation.

    There are many splinters “All Male Groups fighting for Men’s Rights” that have cropped up time and again like MyNation Foundation by battered or jilted husbands fighting marriage and dowry issues.

    If my assumption is correct the comments made by “Men’s Rights” is YOU using an alias. All the substance I read in Men’s Rights comment is a CC of MyNation Foundation and your word press blog.

    I think when you are part of an “All Male Group fighting against women, you will not see reason or sense in the flip side of any story in support of Men. That exactly was Hitler’s problem too. I am not getting involved in any support groups of neither women nor men.

    To me there are always two sides to every story. The weaker one gets beaten by the stronger.I have never been involved or suffered any battering by women or vice versa to support or get interested in any one sided campaigns.

    If your wish is granted for “Trial by Jury you will see it would fail the very day it starts because it’s so easy to bribe anything that walks and breathes in India.

    Nevertheless wish you all the success in your campaign. If the outcome results in stopping the woman battering a man, your's is a dream come true.
  • sushmita
    09.01.13 05:24 AM
    you spoke my mind! every point was perfect and loved your style of putting it across :)
  • Prassoon Suryadas
    Prassoon Suryadas
    09.01.13 01:02 AM
    For the UN data.... you may type in the text underneath the graph in Google and pull out the full report. It may be omitted because "mission accomplished"
  • Prassoon Suryadas
    Prassoon Suryadas
    09.01.13 12:14 AM
    Harry - I'm not saying its the feminazis who did the demolition single handedly. It was part of a bigger agenda. I've some bits and pieces of info stitched together at YouTube/kochiboy if you are interested.

    In a nutshell its the same as hitlers tacktics... spread a lie, strength the laws. Strengthening law means reduced liberty, make people's life difficult, power grab. Now what's going on in india is the repetition of what's done to the west. Give "family" an ugly face and make people stay away from that. What is your argument for 50+% reduction in marriages in west and 80+% divorces in the rest?
    08.01.13 10:58 PM
    @ Prassoon

    Are you suggesting that it's FEMINAZI are the one that have destroyed the moral fiber of society in USA and that is the result of all the crimes and broken homes, and gangs stats you have given. Just curious?


    PS One thing I don't understand is, why USA is not included in UN report if what you say is true? I'm not questioning your stats but asking you what you say is true on FEMINAZI.
    08.01.13 10:39 PM
    @ TYS

    I don't think most men will do what these thugs have done to this woman. But I agree with you on the point that if it happens to one of my own then I would kill him/them with my bare hands.
    I don't think this is to do with evolution or anything else what some may suggest it is.

    I think it all comes down to one thing " if you don't have beast inside you it's not coming out ".

    One thing I would suggest is that they all should be chemically castrated. There are countries who have considered it that it is best form of action agaist rapist along side his detention that this should be done. If this was genetically related then they should not be allowed to have children either and I think this is best course of action for future safety of women and minors.
  • 08.01.13 10:09 PM
    Wake up call for Indian Men: Government prepares law to destroy Indian Men – By citing some extreme cases of rape and murder, and relying on hyper media sensitivity and giving in to public emotion, the Indian Government and women organizations are on process to change the Present Rape law, as a knee-jerk reaction as mentioned below :

    (Present punishment for rape is minimum 7 years and maximum life sentence).

    Government and women organizations proposal under consideration:

    The Punishment should be “Hanging to Death” even for simple rape, presently it is Rape and Murder.
    Proposal for chemical castration to men. Accused have to prove that he had not committed the rape, the women is not required to give any proof (even medical test also not needed to file rape cases). Her verbal statement is sufficient to term any one as a rapist. She just needs to claim that she had been raped or gang raped and whoever is named will be arrested immediately and they will not get bail till the case is over, irrespective of how long the case continues, be it 1 month or 20 years.
    As soon as she files the case, whether it is true or false, she will get minimum 2 Lacks rupee – rupees 50 thousands immediately and then as case progress. This is irrespective the case is true or false.
    A rape complainant will get government job by default, so now you do not need any qualification or skill to get a government Job. You have to just cry rape and secure a government Job.
    Consent to sex: Any consensual sex can be termed as rape with excuse like, she was drunk / made to drink, she was promised for marriage, she was promised for job, she was under threat, etc. This means that the consent depends purely on women’s will and wish. She is even free to enjoy the consensual sex, later call it rape and en-cash
    Most importantly the law commission advised to make the rape law “Gender Neutral“, so that any rape by women to other women, men to other men, women to child can be covered, but women organizations and Govt are not ready to do that for reasons best known to them.
    For any disputes in marriage or divorce the wife can file the Rape case on her husband along with 498A (dowry case), DV act, Crpc125, Section24, Child custody and husband will not have any defence.
    There should not be any Punishment to women for making “False and Fabricated” rape or gang Rape case to anyone.
    A man can’t be file rape case against women even if she rapes you every day and then cut your body in 11 or 17 pieces.

    Our Proposal :

    If you really want the same should not be misused left, right and centre, the way in Section 498A/ Domestic Violence Act, the word relative is misused, then act NOW.

    Be ready the Rape statistics will double in next two years and it will became another extortion, blackmailing and easy money earning business for all Advocate, Police and greedy people.

    Summary of our Recommendations and Request to meet your MP/MLA/Ministers and demand:

    Make Rape Law Gender Neutral as in other countries of the globe.
    Relationship cheating cases should not be allowed to be converted into rape cases which suck the scare resources from genuine rape cases.
    False complaints of Rape cases, should be punished severely, so that genuine cases like ‘Nirbhaya’, gets justice.
    Introduce the much required police reforms to increase conviction rates of rape cases
    Introduce the much required judicial reforms for speedier justice and to increase conviction rates of rape cases.

    All references to “Man” or “Woman” must be replaced with the word “Person” or “Whosoever”
    All references to “His” or “Her” to be must be replaced with the word “His or Her”
    All references to “He” or “She” must be replaced with the word “He or She”
    All references to the word ‘Husband” or “Wife” must be replaced with the word “Spouse”

    Relationship or marriage disputes should not be included in the Sexual Assault as they are already covered under Domestic Violence act.
  • Prassoon Suryadas
    Prassoon Suryadas
    08.01.13 06:34 PM
    So far readers have given only part of the story and they are not even aware that there are SIX accused and the sixth person was the most cruel among the gang. Why did media consciously hide that this sixth person pulled her intestine with bare hands and throw it off the bus? Why did media conscioulsy hide the name of 17+ years old Muhammed Afroz; why did media consiously named him as juvenille and give least importance? Was that a communal attack? Was that an argumen developed as manhandling progressed into rape and ended up in communal violence? I know people will never get these questions answered, while hyenas take advantage of this tragedy for their own political mileage.
  • Prassoon Suryadas
    Prassoon Suryadas
    08.01.13 06:26 PM
    tys - you wont get comforted; not only you anyone who do not know the media mechanics wont get comforted. I strongly recommend you to read either Edward Bernays or Naom Chomski's work. There are some good youtube videos too. Unless you do a fact check on media reports that bothers you, you will never get comforted. And i'm not going to censor myself to comfort someone's ignorance and for not getting named as "misogynist". That's the word feminists use when their lies are exposed. It looks like you have gone through the Female feticide thing, (That's my own fact check, not parroting media [ofcourse the data is from primary sources]). I felt so because you now moved to infanticide :).

    "as for wearing shorts to business meeting, i say, why not? … and what does that make me?" That will make you INAPPROPRIATE. You will not earn the "respect" that you would have otherwise earned. This is human psychology. There is a famous study conducted on appearance and presidential election in USA. It is astonishing. 25% are hardcore brand lovers... no matter whatever happens, even if hitler is the candidate, they will vote for their own party. But there is a 40% 'somewhat undecided' people where 80+% of their decision was influenced by appearance. They judge the 'capability' based on appearance. Worth looking it up. Feminism is a tool to destroy the basic social fabric and its been proven.

    [Don't make assumptions that i'm against equality. Feminism isnt about equality, it is about special preference, entitlements and affirmative actions to get an upperhand. If that is equality to you, then i beg to differ!]
  • Sunil Deepak
    Sunil Deepak
    08.01.13 06:23 PM
    The primitive man's mindset - when humans were hunter-gatherers and nomadic pastors - was probably that sex for men is about violence. That is why they proposed burkas and long veils so that women could be safe. The problem is that human kind has gone through the evolution process but many of our men haven't, and they still believe in those "basic instincts". May be someone will suggest a time-machine to fight the rape problem so that men living in prehistorical times can be brought to 21st century.
  • Prassoon Suryadas
    Prassoon Suryadas
    08.01.13 06:10 PM
    Rajpriya - "Rape the rapist.Basta!" your own signature... you didn't give me a chance to predict!!!
  • Rajpriya
    08.01.13 04:40 PM

    You seem to be an astrologer with your prediction about mindsets. I don’t form opinions about total strangers I know nothing about.

    We are talking about a problem and you are free to provide your arguments and not get personal.

    With your arguments you seem to endorse the actions of rapists and think that Indian women give sufficient reasons to get raped.

    Does that make your mindset different from mine? Is that your fight for equality for men?
  • tys
    08.01.13 03:44 PM
    prasoon: those stats link you gave was very enlightening but i really dont feel that comforted by the fact that Inida is not the leaders of any of the crimes or violence towards women...personally i am not much into this boundary games...its not about if the numbers are exaggerated or a hype is being created...there is never a smoke without a fire...the truth is that it exists...female infanticide is a fact..and its very much alive in India...

    you are right about the parroting part...arent we all?..where is there an original thought?

    life should matter to us...its unquiness, its fraility , its existence should be respected...its life and its a valuable thing to the one whose life it is...we have spend countless years giving meanings to meaningless things like property, patriotism, religions , culture , boundaries to justify killing...its our nature that is the problem...we will always seek to validate ourselves...

    i do not apologize for being a man..just like i do not see any virtue of being a particular gender which is not of my choosing....i had nothing to do with it..claiming a status of high ground on the basis of gender is rather stupid...but rape is a choice...i cannot claim to understand the motivation behind it, as the need has never risen within me...and iam sure its the same with a lot of men...i can theorize but i will never know...all i know is that there are women in my life who i will kill for and these men are a threat....

    iam just ranting...this comment doesnt answer any thing...neither does my post...i guess all i wanted to say , without sounding naive, was to ensure that it doesnt happen in my watch....and if every man, who feels like me, ensures that, then it will be safer for a woman and men will be real men, worthy of their respect , not a potential threat..

    its a very simple solution...another writer in this site , i think it was laxmi, had asked me that ..( actually she asked men, and i happen to be one)..

    as for wearing shorts to business meeting, i say, why not? ... and what does that make me?
  • Rajpriya
    08.01.13 10:52 AM
    Honestly, the whole of India is talking of a recurring problem among many others like corruption that seems to have no end with any solutions.

    They are getting worse by the day. In spite of a nation wide and world wide out cry over rapes in India there are gutless men who still continue to go out boldly raping.

    We have to make up our minds to put aside our personal high morals to stop women being raped in India before it starts happening to some one we know or even to our immediate families because we do not follow them every where they need to go.

    A rapist should be subjected to suffer the same he subjected another innocent person so he gets to know how it feels.

    A Deterrent to an epidemic of future Rapists placing our sentiments aside until all Indian women can be safe in side and outside of their homes.

    Please bear with me.
  • tys
    08.01.13 10:04 AM
    damn, raj, thats life should have to undergo that...know something? iam not very comfortable with this blood lust that seems to have afflicted the people...though i find the actions of these men deplorable, this cry of the people for lynching, public hanging, beating to death etc, a very disturbing sign...we risk becoming something we fight...of course , at the same time, i will have to admit that if something similar happened to someone i know, i would not seek the government to give me justice, i would go after that bastard myself...and i would kill him or them with my bare i guess we cant really hide from what we really are.
  • Prassoon Suryadas
    Prassoon Suryadas
    08.01.13 09:49 AM
    Rajpriya and rapists have same mindset; not much difference between them.

    Tysonice - Inappropriate dressing is to wear shorts in a business meeting, or go to a beach in a business suite; if you don't get it oh yea you know what you are.

    It's not an invitation for rape, yes totally agree. People advice women to wear decent clothes because they know that there are millions in India who do not have nothing to loose; remember the saying "morality is just 3 meals away". That's not philosophy, its reality when it comes to a poor nation raped by may other countries for several hundred years. So, living in an semi-civilized country is bit tricky, caveat emptor is highly recommended. It's not to support the offender, it is to protect oneself.
    Prevention is better than cure, those who cannot understand this traditional wisdom, are not supposed to go to protests, they ought to go get mental help.

    Coming to your comment about foeticide, you are parroting the media manufactured hysteria. Search for "Female foeticide - A Mysterious Propaganda" to learn more. Hope you know to read numbers.

    BTW, I appreciate that you don't apologize for being a man. Kudos to you. Male Celebrities in India seems making "good deals" for doing that. After all "Violence Against Women"industry is a multi-Billion dollar industry man; of course they can employ brand ambassadors.

    Some FEMINAZI LIES exposed...
    We were told that 70% of women in India are facing domestic violence quoting UN Report.. Here is that report, now you decide...

    Here is marital rape statistics
  • Rajpriya
    08.01.13 09:31 AM
    Here is the link to the story of gang rapes of male prisoners in the US.

    Sending an Indian Rapist to a US prison
    could be the ultimate solution.
  • Rajpriya
    08.01.13 09:01 AM

    Great analysis. Absolutely true, right to the very last letter of your post. Real Men Don’t Rape no matter where she is, at what time or how she is dressed. It is time for Indian men to prove they are Real Men.

    This should be the solution. Indoctrinate and inculcate ways to be Real Men from the day an Indian man is born.

    I read news two days ago that a nineteen-year-old male who was sent to prison for a minor offense in the US was gang raped by inmates. He was later transferred to two different prisons and he had suffered the same fate.

    He was unable to relate the story and in the end he cried so much unable to relate his horror he became mentally ill. We should export all Indian rapists to prisons in the US.

    Rape the rapist.Basta!

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