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Getting Eve Teased? Just Film It!

Getting Eve Teased? Just Film It!

July 14, 2012

A satirical view on our society’s apathy towards dealing with issues of female harassment.

New Delhi : July 13, 2012 : In a bold and therefore uncharacteristic move, the Indian Government has decided to act against the nuisance of rape and eve teasing allegedly pervading the country.

Briefing reporters after a 15-minute long cabinet meeting in New Delhi last evening, of which 3 minutes were spent watching a tantalizing new cellphone video from Guwahati, Assam, the Home Minister P. Chidambaram declared his ministry’s intention of re-prioritizing its key focus areas. He maintained that saving Ajmal Kasab from the gallows and pushing Maoists into police encounters will continue to be the top priorities of the Home ministry. However, reasonably stern and somewhat timely action against attacks on women will now move up in his ministry’s list of priorities from the 49th spot to the 35th, its biggest leap since women were deemed to be more or less equal citizens.

On being asked by reporters if the Home Minister had watched the Guwahati video of a highly intoxicated and depraved woman, unquestioningly of loose moral character, being bothered by a few dozen seemingly harmless men, Mr. Chidambaram admitted that he had. He added that the best way for the country to effectively deal with such issues was by moving women’s safety up the priority ladder of his ministry. “That, already, is half the battle won. We feel it is now almost as big a problem as open manholes in the country, which, as you know, is already priority number 34,” the minister asserted.

Among the slew of new measures announced, experts feel that the most important one is the complete ban on the police force to deal with women related issues. From now on, female citizens will have to wholly rely on their own cellphone videos to corroborate instances of rape, eve teasing or any other forms of general harassment. This decision has been taken keeping in mind the ease with which MMS and Youtube videos related to female harassment become the nation’s main talking point over tea breaks and news channel panel discussions.

“Justice can only be served through evidence. Everyone has a cellphone in this country. If you are facing a problem of harassment, record the activity on your cellphone. Or you can even ask one of the hangers-on to stop being a mute spectator and film the proceedings instead,” the Home Minister advised.

It is expected that women all across the country will react to the news with a sense of joy and relief. Some government agencies have already thrown their support behind the new decision. “This is a remarkable solution to women’s problems. It is difficult to always rely on the police – after all they have to look after so many things, like VIP movements etc. But with cellphones, I am relieved that now when a woman is getting raped, she can record it on her BlackBerry and then SMS it directly to the Supreme Court,” said Chatur Gobardhan, who heads the National Human Rights Commission, Women’s Chapter.

In a separate statement, Education Minister Kapil Sibal also welcomed the Home Ministry’s initiative. “Whatever people feel about Shri A.Raja, I think his contributions to the cause of women’s safety is exceptional”, Mr Sibal said in his statement. “He made cellphones accessible to the poor and downtrodden. You can’t even put a value to that”, he said.

In a remarkable instance of solidarity, the main opposition party the BJP has also lent its support to the government. Spokesman Brijinder Singh Yadav said, ”All women should carry 2 things – a cell phone and some pepper spray. Once home, they can even use the pepper spray in cooking nice dishes for their husbands”, Mr Yadav added, leading to appreciative applause from his audience of party workers.

Meanwhile, it has been learned from reliable sources that news channels in the country have privately vowed to show all such MMS and Youtube videos in graphic detail repeatedly until they have been viewed by the entire country at least a few dozen times. “Some decisions are not based on TRP, only on doing the right thing for society,” a well known journalist and Managing Director of a leading news channel said on condition of anonymity. “Rest assured, wherever there is a rape, we will be there to film it”, he signed off on a positive note. 


  • Ginu George
    Ginu George
    29.07.12 05:49 PM
    Sorry! I couldn't resist- - -A victim recording a crime on their mobile phones and providing "Live Evidence"..I guess with the trend sported by Hollywood through Blair With Project, Paranormal Activity and [Rec], a "Shaky Cam" film might seem appropriate, huh?
  • Britul
    25.07.12 02:13 PM
    Before posting the video to the public the person who was recording the incident should have prevented it ... >:O

    Its all news channel TRP game buddies .. :-)
  • balu
    16.07.12 09:17 PM
    Amazingly funny, humorous but each word is true to the core
  • Jyoti Agarwal
    Jyoti Agarwal
    16.07.12 07:12 PM
    Could not put myself to sleep after watching the video in a news channel.. If this is where our society is heading, better the Mayans prediction for 2012 come true.
  • Rajpriya
    16.07.12 04:13 PM
    What a suggestion to offer free phones to all women to go around expecting to be raped and be ready to film.

    I would rather suggest they go around with a bottle Acid to be thrown at the criminal to disfigure them for life as an instant punishment not allowing a court of law to find justice for the would be victim.

    Film your self being raped? And watch it all your life how you were raped with your husband and children later on ? Funniest suggestion I've ever heard. I would rather kill myself.

    I would rather carry a water pistol filled with Acid.
  • Bikramjit Singh Mann
    Bikramjit Singh Mann
    16.07.12 01:43 PM
    How is showing the harassement of a little GIRL on video .. GOOD for the nation .. THe media should have the DECENCY to at least keep the girl anonymous,..

    This video with her in the middle of it will be on the net for years , 20 years down the line when she is sitting with her kids and family this can be brought up.. She will relive the horror all over again..

    Maybe they should make a scheme to provide WOMEN in my nation FREE PHONES to record, she shud stop and start recording .. let the culprit do what he is doing to her but RECORDING she shud , Pathetic

    Instead of making sure this does not happen ever again .. That is what we should we working for TO make sure it is not reapeated ever again and also PUNISH the people who are enjoying the SHOW..

  • alka narula
    alka narula
    15.07.12 07:32 PM
    i ditto deepak nd rajpriya ..v sad situation :(
  • Khadija
    15.07.12 06:24 PM
  • Dheeraj Sharma
    Dheeraj Sharma
    15.07.12 12:25 PM
    Seriously, an excellent post!!
  • Rajpriya
    15.07.12 10:04 AM
    Our elected reps of the people do not trust hear-say evidence. Seeing things live is believing and sustainable evidence and great entertainment in an otherwise boring career.

    iPhones make better videos. Clarity is important to recognise culprits and use the blur function to protect victims' privacy.
  • Micky Fernandez
    Micky Fernandez
    15.07.12 09:40 AM
    A Minister watching female harassment on his mobile so that he can help eradicate the problem?
    Maybe that is why the noble MLAs were watching porn on their mobiles a few months ago--they simply wanted to eradicate the problem. Praise be our elected officials!
  • magiceye
    15.07.12 06:49 AM
  • Rajpriya
    15.07.12 12:22 AM
    It's time we made Akshay Kumar the new Home Minister to teach eve teasers good lessons.
  • Sunil Deepak
    Sunil Deepak
    14.07.12 10:36 PM
    Chidambaram didn't say anything in support of the usual police commissioners' stand that women should not go out alone late at night nor they should dress in provocative clothes that make poor guys behave indecently?

    I am sure he must have said it, only you didn't record it because you are biased against him! ;)
  • anmol
    14.07.12 09:49 AM
    Great Site Bro
  • Christopher Lee Snively
    Christopher Lee Snively
    14.07.12 06:11 AM
    Nice satire. We should also show footage of the harassment to the wives, mothers, grandmothers, sisters and aunties of the criminals and let them administer the punishment.

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