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Dear Rapists, Thank You

Dear Rapists, Thank You

May 09, 2013
You have achieved what no one else could. You made me feel guilty for being a man.

Open a newspaper, switch on the TV, or go online fix and you are confronted with yet another rape. Rape has become the Indian media fixation of the year. I bet it was going on for quite some time. No one bothered until the youth of today decided that they had had enough and took to the streets and made India look at itself again.

We tend to forget that we actually have a voice. That we can make a difference. That our government’s job is not to rule us but to govern us. There is a difference.

I fail to understand a rapist. Normally I am one of those idiots who tries to see things from another person’s perspective. I used to believe that everyone has a reason for the things that they do, that they are all justified and that there is no such thing as a bad person - just people with hard choices.

Then there are rapists. Where in fucks name do I fit that category in?

That’s when I realized, what I feel towards them is a deep sense of gratitude.

Yes. I am thankful to them. For all the rapists out there, let me take this opportunity to thank you for making me see the light.

Thank you for effectively destroying my belief that people are by and large good. That given an opportunity, people will not hurt another living being but rather help them. Under which rock did I crawl out from?

Thank you for making me teach my children never to trust a stranger.

It’s funny, since I have always believed that trust is the biggest gift you can bestow upon anybody. Gandhi, another fool, used to believe that by trusting you prevent the other person from hurting you because they will always strive to live up to that trust.

What a load of crap!

In a world where even a father cannot be trusted to keep his hands off his daughter or son, what trust are we talking about? It’s better to be sure than be sorry for it later.

You taught me that, my dearest rapist.

You taught me to distrust that old man who sits in the park watching the children play. You taught me to keep an eagle eye on that cook from Orissa who has a daughter the same as mine. You taught me to reach for my kids, with my fists ready to strike, when I see anyone talking to them. The same me, who lived his life on the kindness from strangers. The same person who was entrusted, along with my 8 year old brother, to a family we had never met before on our first train trip to Delhi from Trivandrum. I deny my children that. Thanks to you.

Thank you for making me aware of what my wife wears. This from a guy who normally doesn't even notice if she goes and shaves her hair. Now, thanks to you, I pay attention. If it was up to me, I will make her wear a veil. I will keep her inside the house, under my watch, with a gun in my hand. But thankfully, it isn't up to me. This woman, who faces everyday what I fear, wears what she feels like. I, who has never interfered with any ones right to decide what to wear, will now suggest a scarf, or a dupatta or a shawl. All thanks to you. I pay more attention to what my wife and children wear, lest that could become your cue. Thanks to you, upon my insistence, she now carries a weapon and knows how to use it. I have made my wife accept the necessity of spontaneous violence. I have made her into me. Thank you.

Thanks to you, I walk with my head down. You have achieved what no one else could. You made me humble. You made me feel guilty for being a man. You have made me introspect. You have made me look within the dark recess of my male self to see if I too am capable of what you do. After all you are a man, leading a normal life, with a family, supposedly born of a woman. So, if you can, then it stands to reason that I too must have that impulse. You did that. Gave this fear of the beast that might be inherent in all of us who dangles our stick of shame. Thank you.

Me. Who has always believed that I always fought the good fights, is compelled now to stand with the mob, crying out, like a French peasant, for the lynching of people like you? I, who abhors war, manmade boundaries, the sacrifice of youths in the name of patriotism, now stands confused. I have been told that man has a tendency to destroy what he doesn't understand or what he fears. I don't understand you and I fear you, therefore, everything within me says if we meet I will destroy you. I, who have stopped praying 3 years ago, pray now that we never meet.

I would like to fill this page with the choicest abuse I could hurl at you, but every single expletive that I can think of inevitably abuses a woman alongside with it. Thank you for making me see that. Today the only curse I utter is fuck. You have successfully achieved what my mother and my wife have been trying to do for years. You have cleaned up my vocabulary. For this I thank you.

So I stand before you, humbled, fearful and angry. But at the same time filled with immense gratitude. You are one in thousands, yet you have defined a race. No amount of washing is going to clean this stain on a man's perceived nature. No amount of words and justifications are going to earn back the trust we possibly never had. As long as we are incapable of looking beyond genders, this blight that is you could be a part of all of us. I don't know. I can’t do rhetorical.

So, who can blame a woman for not wanting to take that chance?

I feel no indignation when a woman hesitates to enter into a lift with me. I understand when a friendly smile is rewarded with cold indifference. I get it when they walk faster when I slow the car down to ask for direction.

You have managed to widen the gap a whole lot further.

Thank you.

Really. Thank you.


  • Rajpriya
    25.05.13 09:00 PM

    The “Little Brother” came running to his Big Brother who was closing his shop at the time and said “Big Brother come quick, there is some one crying for help”.

    When Big Brother got to the place where the cry for help came from he was utterly disappointed. He saw lots of people along side of the road watching what was happening but no one went to help the Chinese woman who was being sexually assaulted by a drunken British man.

    Big Brother reacted with out hesitating for too long because whenever the ground was not level Big Brother would go and level it.

    Lesson to be learned from this story is that India needs lots of Small Brothers and Big Brothers.

    Read the rest of the story in the link.
  • tys
    20.05.13 01:56 PM
    @ all : thanks for the comments and also for raising some valid points...the truth is that , apart from getting this off my chest, i doubt if these emotions felt by many will ever reach its intended target...i doubt it...

    i have also , purposefully, left out the stilt that slips through our fingers , when we cup the murky waters of abusers..the molesters, the eve teasers, the flashers, the gropers... a rapist perhaps stands on the pinnacle of these sorts, but like in the hierarchy of hell, these are its minions...

    i feel, lack of respect is what it really shows, apart from , perhaps, the thrill of abuse (?!) ... i have also seen that unless the women stands up and fight back , this will keep happening... and as men, we should learn to stop making excuses for ourselves, or justify ourselves etc...instead perhaps we can make it a point to ensure that this doesnt happen on our watch... interfere, stop, prevent, protect, fight...after all thats another thing we, as men, like better than hero...

    so play hero.

    we are a sexual species...we cant run from our nature...and somehow its in our nature to respect what we maybe if our women can reach an equal stand with us, with our help and support ( instead of standing in front of their natural right to be accepted and treated as equals) , maybe, we will treat them with respect...

    and that respect need not come from an awareness ( i doubt if this is possible in my life time) but from fear...fear that they will no longer take it and the society will not tolerate it...then this will stop...

    put the fear of repercussion... there's nothing a man fears most than being held responsible for our actions...

    its idiotic and ridiculous to take pride or be submissive or take credit for being a gender that was not our choice in the first place...and to build a society and create social rules that puts one above the other, based on being born a certain way, borders on utter irrationality...


    thats the answer..

    and utter fear...great deterrent
  • Janhvi
    20.05.13 08:20 AM
    Testing times, these are!
    It is easy to blame "men" for the act of the rapists and it is even easier to categorize. Thank you for making me see this that this whole thing is not easy on the regular men out there too.

    A very well worded post. Hits the mark.
    P.S. Delhi needed the publicity, after all, how can we stay behind in crimes, wouldn't that destroy the image we have created for years at end!

    God bless.
  • Micky Fernandez
    Micky Fernandez
    19.05.13 06:56 PM
    And don't forget: rapists have made Delhi world famous (or infamous).
  • Varsh
    15.05.13 11:06 PM
    Like you I've tried to put myself in their shoes trying to understand what makes them commit such a crime. To be honest, it is far more easier and safer to lure a girl and make her fall for you. A screaming, resisting and definitely denying sex partner is nobody's dream mate.
    About the trust part, yes,like you I've become vary of strangers trying to talk to me or my son. Forget about breaking trust, it is much more harder trying to make people trust anyone in the first place.
    If it is the show of power that stimulates them, well, ask them to get into a boxing ring!
  • indu chhibber
    indu chhibber
    15.05.13 12:40 PM
    You have voiced the agony of many.It is not merely rape-if that was not bad enough.Look at the torture that goes with it.As one judge exclaimed--"Have we gone mad?"
  • Lakshmi
    14.05.13 10:17 PM
    Ah!! Totally loved ur post & the message u r giving. As a Man, sad everyone is looked from a doubtfull eyes, but as a women,its quite shocking to say that "i'm helpless, when i dont know, will i ever be safe, once i leave my home & till i come back". Its becoming a bigger bad world.
  • Jiggyasa
    14.05.13 08:34 PM
    The best way to express one's anger and disgust is expressing through protest. A very well written piece that conveys how hard you feel about this grave crime and your aversion for the beasts.

  • richa
    14.05.13 05:05 PM
    I absolutely loved it.... everything you wrote we all feel. Of course as a man who might be feeling such more. But then as a woman too I feel bad about the insane mistrust I have developed.

    Loved ur writing style hear is hoping to see more posts from you..

  • Rajpriya
    11.05.13 04:07 PM

    See how Rapists would thank Times of India.

    6 Ways to get a stronger erection. The picture that appears along side of a woman screaming in Pain?

    TOI editor needs to be sentenced to hang until is dead.
  • The NRI
    The NRI
    10.05.13 12:24 AM
    Thank you Dianne, duly noted:)
    09.05.13 09:35 PM
    @ TYS

    You hit the nail on the head.

    But I think you need to add another part, I am now afraid to say hello to a woman or a group of women incase they think of worst. And for that I want to thank him too.

    I don't think you or I will ever understand him or his justification for this, and the reason is very simple, because you and I are not like him and will never be. I have used this few times before " if it's not inside you, it's not coming out" .


    PS It's nice to read something from you after a long time gap.
  • dianne sharma wintter
    dianne sharma wintter
    09.05.13 07:17 PM
    Don't you mean dear rapists?
  • Deepa
    09.05.13 05:32 PM
    Sucks to be a woman, sucks to be a man! :) (wistful smile) - sigh. Bad, bad times we live in.

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