Forbes recently defined what upper middle class in India means. I don’t know what it means to be upper middleclass but according to their definition, I may belong to that category. Personally, I believe that upper middle class is a meaningless term created by the rich to keep the middle class from joining with the lower class when the revolution comes! (This man’s words, not mine)
So for the past few months, I have been learning the ways of the Upper Middle Class from my elitist cat c2 and I am now ready to pass on my knowledge. Here’s how you can be upper middleclass:
Chapter 1: Stop doing middle class things
To belong to the upper middleclass, the first thing you have to do is give up your old middleclass habits. That means no borrowing two table spoons of coffee powder or a small piece of ginger from your neighbor when unexpected guests turn up towards the end of the month. If you don’t have coffee, serve them organic green tea!
Neighbors play an important part in middleclass life. When I was a part of the middleclass, I knew everything about my neighbors. It was normal for neighbors to know every little thing about each other – from the source of the latest conflict between Atthagaru and Kodalu (Telugu for saas & bahu) to the birthdays of cousins of their kids!
We even knew what curry they were cooking on any given day because a) we could smell it and b) they would send over a serving every time they cooked something special as a gesture of goodwill and later in the afternoon, all the “aunties” would discuss the recipe.
We knew everything about them. And they knew everything about us too. Pf! Such utter disregard for other people’s privacy! This never happens in upper middleclass neighborhoods, you know?
Upper middleclass people respect each other’s privacy and to be on the safe side, we draw imaginary boundaries and never cross them. For instance, I moved into the upper middleclass neo-liberal island of Koramangala six months back and all I know about my neighbors is that they are a family of five. I think the fifth member is a dog. Or it could also be a third child who barks a lot. Who knows man, and who are we to judge?
If you’re serious about belonging to the upper middleclass, you have to give up your middleclass habits like borrowing stuff from neighbors, traveling by Sleeper Class, maintaining an “account” with the neighborhood Kirana store, commuting by public transport, drinking ordinary water in restaurants, eating street side food, saying “No” to your kids in public etc.
Chapter 2: Look upper middleclass
It doesn’t take much effort for a rich person to look rich or for a poor person to look poor but it takes a lot of effort for the upper middleclass to look upper middleclass! If we don’t take enough care, we risk being mistaken for middleclass (which is the last thing we want!)
So how do we “look” upper middleclass? Should I even be mentioning obvious things like branded clothes, designer wrist watches, smart phones with dying batteries, branded handbags (women only), branded sneakers, branded sun glasses etc.? Before stepping out of the house, always make sure you are endorsing at least 12 international brands because that is our destiny – to be walking billboards!
Apart from clothes and accessories, you can also indicate your class status through pets. Poor people usually have normal street dogs as best friends (with a handmade collar to signify its non-stray status). Most middleclass people don’t keep pets but when they do, it is usually breeds like Pomeranians or Alsatians.
Rich people tend to prefer exotic breeds and species as pets. Don’t worry, you don’t have to buy a 26 lakh rupee Certified Purebred German Shepherd. As upper middleclass people, a relatively foreign breed will do just fine. Labradors and Dalmatians are quite common these days. I am not sure if those ugly little pugs are still in vogue.
Chapter 3: Do Rich people things
Giving up middleclass habits, however hard it may be, is only the first step. The key is to gradually replace each middleclass habit with an equivalent upper class habit. If you use a two wheeler, take a car loan. Don’t use public transport, use your car. Do you still travel by sleeper class? Fly economy class or at least upgrade to AC 2-tier. Check in to a luxury hotel, let the porter carry your bags to the room and lift weights later in the gym there because that is how we roll!
Remember how your mom used neatly fold and save each polythene bag for later use? Typical middleclass buddhi… can’t throw anything away. Always looking to reuse and recycle. Upper middleclass people don’t waste time recycling products. We buy “recyclable” products!
Stop jogging in the park, join a gym and run on the treadmill. Don’t go to the barber. It is time to try out that Unisex Salon. Tell Raymond that you want to see other people now. Give a hi-five to Van Heusen. Settle all accounts with your neighborhood Kirana store. Get a loyalty card from D-Mart. Flush that soap, use shower gel instead. Drink only bottled water, eat only organic food and don’t bother washing your hands because Big Bazaar has a 30% off on hand sanitizers!
There is virtually no end to the number of changes you can make. It is only constrained by your skills, motivation, attitude and sometimes, your credit limit.
Chapter 4: But you’re not rich!
Now that you have shunned your middleclass habits and replaced them with upper class habits, you should know that upper middleclass existence is not as rosy as it seems. The fact that you’re not rich but only upper middleclass comes back to haunt you from time to time. Upper middleclass people cope up with this reality in peculiar and amusing ways.
Some people get involved in rich people activities but they do them in a very middleclass way.
A gym membership is a perfect example for this. Rich people don’t go to the gym. They usually have a gym in the basement of their bungalow. Upper middleclass people can’t afford that. So they buy membership, drive to the gym and ride a stationary bicycle. Or signing up for a Gourmet Barbecue & Wine Tasting Workshop and paying for it with sixteen discount coupons.
Speaking of discounts, reading all the 18 pages of classifieds in the Times of India and keeping track of sales, discounts and other special offers on all brands across all stores is a new hobby that is catching up. I swell with pride every time I see educated people applying the entire math they have learned in school to figure out the cheapest way to shop. This kind of obedient consumerism gives me hope that one day, even we will become a developed country!
The Middleclass Knight Rises
Then there are some upper middleclass people whose middleclass instincts suddenly spring out because no one is looking!
An upper middleclass chap will buy a 300gm subway sandwich for a hundred and fifty rupees without thinking twice but will haggle for an hour for four rupees with the vegetable vendor over a kilo of Tomatoes!
They don’t mind spending a few thousand rupees on A C 2-Tier tickets for the whole family but when the porter demands some extra 30 rupees, they are enraged! (Arey bhaiyya, paanch platform hi toh hai) If the one you are paying is a corporation, just pay. If they don’t have a lawyer’s address, bargain the hell out!
You can see this everyday and everywhere. Don’t we all have friends with smart phones that cost as much as thirty grand but don’t spend that extra 200 bucks for an unlimited data pack? What’s the matter with them? Perennially sniffing for free, unsecured Wi-Fi connections so that they can check into foursquare and earn an extra discount coupon!
The worst class to belong to
What I am trying to say is that upper middleclass is the worst class to belong to. Rich people are rich and own pretty much everything. The middle class person spends all his life to make ends meet and when the ends eventually meet, he is a happy guy who thinks “Hey, at least I am not poor!”
But being upper middleclass people is like being stuck in a limbo. Our needs are already met but our wants can never be met and most of our problems have no solutions!
For instance, I like to carry around my Kindle but it’s too big to fit in my jeans pocket. The Kindle is designed to fit perfectly in a coat pocket but we don’t wear coats in Bangalore… so I have to carry a backpack all the time just to hold a device that is the size of my palm and weighs 200 grams! Do you have any idea how inconvenient that is?
And there is no solution to this problem! There is nothing one can do to fix this… I am stuck with hundreds of such first world problems in this third world country.
The worst part is that we can’t even complain because 700 third world kids have died of hunger, disease, bad economic policies and war in the last few minutes you were reading this article!
Photo credit: deseretnews.com
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Having Spent most of his life as a backbencher in premier institutes, g2's (Jayanth) interests meandered from History to Science, Photography to Religion and Philosophy to International politics and found humour in everything. His mission in life is to point out the silly stuff before anyone else does. He regularly litters the internet with insane ideas, quirky blog posts, rage comics and writing for The NRI is yet another way. g2 survived IIT Bombay and now works as a Software Engineer in Bengaluru.
Peta Jinnath Andersen is a freelance and fiction writer. Born in Sydney, Australia, to a Fiji-Indian father and Scottish mother, she’s a bit confused about her background, but loves it all the same. Currently living in the US, she has just had her first child, and is busy studying hard in an effort to learn more about her Indian heritage – including taking Hindi lessons – so she can teach her son about just what it is that makes an NRI special.
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on June 12, 2012
at 3:42 pm
@ Rajpriya
I would have taken you on an offer, but it’s 250miles from where I live now. I will tell you when I’m free and when you are in uk next. It’s done deal.
The thing about balls is to do with Euro2012, thus the wager dude.
I will have chat with you next.
HARRY
on June 12, 2012
at 4:10 pm
Come on Harry. I will go 1000 miles to meet you in your own den dude. I have a burning desire to discuss in person whatever balls they are.
When I have gulped down 5 Cognac with Ginger Ale you will find me really fun to talk to. One guy laughed so much his jaw got stuck for weeks and every one thought he had permanent sweet smile one his face.
on June 12, 2012
at 7:45 pm
Mr. Rajpriya!
Oh, my God! I am so sorry
Why didn’t you correct me earlier? I feel so embarassed!
Anyways, once again, it was great meeting you. I really appreciate you for your intellect, wit, and conscientiousness.
@ Mr. Harry (I hope I’m not mistaken this time
), thankyou for the appreciation, but talking to your smart friend for so long was prize enough.
on June 13, 2012
at 4:58 am
Hi Ms. Anjali,
I’d prefer if you call me Rajpriya and leave out the Mr. Yes sometimes I let things roll the way they do and then at the appropriate moment announce what has to be.
One guy addressed me Hi sweetie and even started getting a bit too amorous. Then I let him know before he started letting his head fall over my heels. But I enjoyed the respect he showed me as long as I let it last. It was fun poor.
However, I would not have misled you into things that most genuine fakes do on the Internet. I would say things on the Internet to anyone, I could only say and defend standing right in front them. That’s what I call world class.
There are some who remind me the name of the Clint Eastwood movie when they use intellect I would never dare use in my own home in the presence of my family with children and grandchildren. If they do, their breeding a new class called the SCUM class generation after generation and creates the need for a new balls encyclopedia. What one learns is what one practices.
I don’t assess people’s class by how much money they have or the cars they own. Leaving aside all the things described in this post there is one thing that sets apart the class difference to me is in what they say or put down in writing and could stand and live up to.
We could be dragged into classes by what we learn, circumstances, the company we keep or the families we are born into and many other things that may be unpredictable for tomorrow for it is most certainly uncertain. Our wealth was there and gone when the socialist Govt. took it all over under the name Lands Reform.
We had go get used lesser comforts we never dreamt we would but fortunately my parents had reserves and let us have the best of education that enabled us to move into the class we were so accustomed to. To continue to be in any higher class depends on how much we let our temptation yield into and the amount of patience to lead a modest life with all the resources freely available to throw around.
That exactly is how we survived to build back the resources we need and continue to be in the Upper class and not one inherited from our forefathers.
Good education and hard work are twins if separated by surgery will suffer disastrous repercussions. So finally Anjali even though you will certainly succeed in the medical profession you pursue remember not to undertake any surgery on the twins and leave them as they are.
Taking part in discussions on public forums is not about one having more balls than the other. It is about how much sense there is in a discussion. If anyone can inject some sense into my head I would respect them and certainly NOT feel beaten. The reason and the hidden meaning about my extensive travel was to convey how much sense people have been able to get through in to my head in all those places. Those are lessons I have learnt was education unlimited not normally taught in schools. Lasting human relations go beyond greetings or good manners. I was one who learnt while teaching.
I feel it is the spirit of a discussion with an element of strategy built into it to obtain necessary results that is important. The amount of productivity of a discussion is defined as the ratio between the input and output.
God bless you.
on June 13, 2012
at 7:43 pm
Hi Rajpriya,
In the nuteshell, you mean genuineness and integrity are the traits that make you a “world class” citizen. Good. I like it. Thumbs up!
Although I love retro and vintage in fashion, I haven’t seen too many old Hollywood movies. Which of the Clint Eastwood movies are you talking about. Sounds like a series of classic films. I’ll watch it if I can.
Even I don’t assess class solely on the basis of money. Class, style, glamour, humanity, character – these are thigs you can’t inject into someone. They are either there, or they are not. If fake, they are clearly visible and the person appears as a wannabe. Wealth, on the other hand, is transient. If you have it, enjoy it and learn to make it grow. If not, work for it.
As a correction, I am not a doctor, my parents are. I am a writer and fashionista. I am looking for a career in fashion merchandising.
I like the idea of the twins. Will remember the point.
You too are getting entangled with balls now, like your firend, Mr. Harry?
I remember you writing somewhere that the word does not exist in your vocabulary. Good world class citizens must adhere to their words 
To me, discussions are more of a way to vent out your thoughts and have a nice engrossing conversation. When people make it challenging for me to answer them, I like it even better. In fact, the trickier the better. For serious matters, I don’t think discusiions amount to much. Sitting in your drawingroom (or Internet threads for that matter) and talking about stuff only serves to fulfill your own need to talk and sort your thoughts out. It yields no practical results for the world outside of your own mind.
And according to your ratio logic, how do you rate this dicussion of ours?
Thankyou.
P.S. Where is the person who inititated all of this? I wish I could hear something from Mr. Tadinada.
on June 13, 2012
at 8:32 pm
Hi Anjali,
Thanks.
No! It’s not, Clint Eastwood Movie I am talking about is Dirty Harry.
Thanks, but if you look sharp I have just done exactly that.
I’m have come to a stage where I don’t have to work hard anymore it just keeps coming without much sweat. It has grown and keeps growing.
I am a Graphic Designer and specialize in Digital Printing processes, Offset, Flexo and Gravure and undertake installation of High-end (also known front end) workstations for Prepress. We own an Advertising agency in Germany now run by my elder son. I continue as Director, consultant and customer relations coordinator and train those aspiring to be in the printing sector.
Thanks about the idea on inseparable Twins.
Getting entangled I had to. It was from someone else’s vocab that I temporarily borrowed. You should be sharp enough to notice the change that has already taken place as a result. That’s precisely what world-class people are supposed to do-CHANGE!
This discussion brought to people at war to understand each other better while the entire NRI forum was eagerly watching for the ultimate out come of this frivolous topic. After all the net result was not bad wasn’t it.
P.S. I am sure he is busy writing the next frivolous one so that we could start once over at square one.
on June 13, 2012
at 8:40 pm
Please pardon me for the spelling or other mistakes. I call them the slip of the tongue and not the fault of brain.
1. I have come to a stage.
2. This discussion brought two people at war to understand each other better.
on June 13, 2012
at 8:50 pm
Yes, the outcome wasn’t bad at all. And it can be made better.
Do you need a stylist or a model for your advertising agency? I can be both.
on June 13, 2012
at 9:24 pm
@ Anjali,
In what way could it have been better?
Our agency prepares everything that needs to be printed on paper. For example all types packaging, brochures, catalogues, magazines fliers etc. and lot more. We design websites and hoist and maintain them. We do professional photography at customer sites for all the promotional campaigns and videos. I also work for a South Yorkshire based joint venture.
The biggest hurdle we would have is to get the work permit. Unfortunately the German employment regulation does not allow us to employ anyone from outside the EU. Not even a relation from India.
But the rules are being relaxed in the IT sector because there is a shortage in this field but one has to be really very good. The number of people who want to come here for these vacancies are hundreds of thousands.
If you happened to be in the IT sector I could have tried to find an opening. Please read the topic “Deutschland Uber Alles” on NRI.
Germany beat Holland a little while ago and I think I go get some sleep now.
on June 13, 2012
at 9:55 pm
It could have been better if I found employment through it. Lol. Kust kidding.
Good night!
on June 13, 2012
at 9:56 pm
*Just kidding
I call it slip of finger
on August 16, 2012
at 12:32 pm
awesomely put!!
on September 18, 2012
at 2:42 am
In the end, none of this matters when we die. It’s what we do, when we are alive, that matters.
If only we can put away 1% of the money we spend on luxury items (stuff we don’t really need) and help JUST one person in need, this world would be a better place.
It applies to all classes.
on April 19, 2013
at 6:08 am
“Check in to a luxury hotel, let the porter carry your bags to the room and lift weights later in the gym there because that is how we roll!”
Superb! How well you describe these hypocrites man! Awesomeness personified.. You sure do have a perceptive mind!
Why do we even think in terms of which-class-do-I-belong-to? It is just ridiculous, how it demolishes the entire creative output of a human life.. Instead if we concentrate on being better parents, enjoying our work, and exist for our own sake and not for the society; we could have far better lives..
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