NRI

Google fb32x32 twitter linkedin feed-icon-32x32

Cynic's Preview: Student Of The Year

Cynic's Preview: Student Of The Year

October 09, 2012

Makes Me Want To Hit My Head With A Soty!



I feel small and foolish after having watched the trailer of Karan Johar’s latest lollypop Student of the Year (SOTY). Here I was, happily thinking all these years that school days were the best days of my life. Not once realizing how much more fun and glamorous my teenage years could have been had I gone to a school that didn’t look like a bloody cowshed in comparison to what is on display in SOTY. Here are the reasons for my delayed anguish:

Was my school nestled in the Himalayas, with those glorious mountains the backdrop of the school’s assembly hall? Not only that, was my school also a mere walking distance from the most spectacular beaches in the country? Not really.

Did my school have the label of “the most premier educational institution of the country”? Not by a mile.

Did every student in my school look like she/he had stepped right out of a Vogue (and Vogue Hommes) catalogue? Frankly, I didn’t even know what Vogue was till I saw Madonna’s video of the song of the same name.

Instead of being bamboo-pole gangly, pock marked with acne, with bad hair styles and crooked teeth, Dilton Doiley glasses, and a totally uncool school uniform (ours was white and parrot green – serious!), did we, as 16/17 year olds look anything like the 25-year old stars of the film (who are playing 16/17 year olds)? Frankly, if these “kids” were in my class at the time, I would have been tempted to call them uncle and aunty, as I used to call anyone who looked older than 18.

Did our headmaster look like Rishi Kapoor? And did he wear a dandy beige Armani suit with a neon green tie? Sadly, no.

Was our school parking choc-a-bloc with Harley-Davidsons and Ferrari convertibles instead of rickety school buses? (And did we all have driver’s licenses at 16?) No. And No.

Did our school have an Olympic-sized heated indoor swimming pool, complete with audience stands that could accommodate 15000 people? Plus, another recreational infinity pool outside from which school kids would emerge in slow motion wearing skimpy swimming costumes? Hah!

Was our school completely bereft of younger students, say of Class XI and below? On the contrary, all I remember of school is loud, annoying little children as far as my spectacled eyes could see.

Did we have even a single student who looked like a film star and had the brains of Stephen Hawking? Oh, and who was also a total athletic package like Lance Armstrong? Errm, no.

Did girls in my school wear skirts so skimpy that the school authorities were left with no option but to make Brazilian waxing mandatory? No, but clipped nails were an absolute necessity.

Did my school have a gym so well endowed that it would make Fitness First Platinum look like an akhara? (More importantly, would kids have been allowed to use said hypothetical gym to stay fit rather than toss themselves around in the dirt of the school playground?) Our school was perpetually under construction for all the years I was there! There was plenty of dirt to go around…who needed a gym?

During our school days, were we (16/17 year olds who actually looked 16/17 years old) allowed to go sit at the fanciest bars in town and gulp down shot after shot of vodka? (…and still look like a million dollars, not getting sloshed and not throwing up all over the place. But more importantly, could we have afforded to buy anything more than a Pepsi at the time without making our parents go ballistic?) No chance.

Was the entire school brilliant at choreographed group dancing, in the snazzy school convention hall (so brilliantly lit that it would put the glitziest night clubs to shame) where the school DJ and band played a remixed version of ‘Disco Deewane’? Not quite, though a few of us had the original Nazia Hasan LP. And a couple of girls were learning kathak…does that count?

So, there – my sad school days story. I feel thoroughly robbed. Now I will have to watch this new film to fully understand what coulda, woulda, shoulda... 

16 Comments

  • alisha
    By
    alisha
    06.04.15 09:47 AM
    Hahaha! This was brilliant! This movie was so terrible, even by Johar's standards!
    I have only myself to blame for watching such a cliche-ridden "movie".
  • Rickie Khosla
    By
    Rickie Khosla
    11.10.12 10:22 PM
    Don't be silly, Priyanka! Such people don't exist in KJo's India.
    Technically, if you don't own a helicopter, you are poor.
  • Priyanka
    By
    Priyanka
    11.10.12 09:23 PM
    Hahahahahah...the poorest person in a KJO movie was Kajol....lol...could not stop laughing when I read that...I wonder what a real life scenario would be like, Perhaps the guy lives in Prakruti Apartments which has a lift, and the girl lives in one of those chawl type places, who has to travel an hr to get to work to the closest Jhama store. (she does not even have an AC at home) so marrying this guy will deffinately be an upgrade.
  • Rickie Khosla
    By
    Rickie Khosla
    11.10.12 02:57 PM
    Benny, my parents had similar designs...thank goodness better sense prevailed!

    Writerzblock, I believe the poorest person ever shown in a KJo film was Kajol's character in K3G - she lived in a huge house in a sparkling clean and colourful Chandni Chowk in Old Delhi! :)
  • Writerzblock
    By
    Writerzblock
    11.10.12 12:43 PM
    Thanks for the heads-up Rickie, I was waiting to watch this film, after beig smitten by the new Disco Deewane and Ishq-Wala love ;-) Glad I read this article first.

    (PS: Also need to blame K-Jo for painting those dreams of grandeur about Indians living in London, their palatial houses and beautiful sofas/cars! Can I just say, 'sigh'!)
  • Benny
    By
    Benny
    10.10.12 11:37 PM
    Sigh...and I attended an all-boys school too. Oh, the humanity!!
  • Rickie Khosla
    By
    Rickie Khosla
    10.10.12 09:16 PM
    hahha...don't thank me, thank KJo. He is the Great Enlightener! :)
  • Jyoti
    By
    Jyoti
    10.10.12 09:03 PM
    Wonderful and hilarious post...

    Poor me, I thought studies are the most important thing in school...I missed all the fun by not going to disc, not boozing, not wearing skimpy clothes..

    Thanks to the movie (and You) for the enlightenment... I now have a wasted teenage
  • Rickie Khosla
    By
    Rickie Khosla
    10.10.12 08:32 PM
    Hahhah....and now I am thinking about Nichola, too! ;)
    Thanks for reading, Harry!
  • HARRY
    By
    HARRY
    10.10.12 08:25 PM
    @ Rickie

    Oh dear Oh dear I feel for you dude.
    My heart genuinely goes out to you mate. I know how you feel.

    I didn't have these kind of school either, even tho it was in UK, but one thing I will agree with you on is Brazilian waxing. The girls were and are still wearing the skimpy skirts now a days.

    We had a girl called Nichola who used to wear a skirt the size of belt. I can still remember her don't ask me why. :) She was the one who showed me how Tampax worked, Nooooooo, not in that way, but by putting one in the sink in the biology lab. See you do learn thing in schools. Those were the days. Have a good one Rickie.
  • Rickie Khosla
    By
    Rickie Khosla
    10.10.12 08:57 AM
    Thanks for reading, Ritaban. Glad you liked it.
  • ritaban
    By
    ritaban
    10.10.12 04:33 AM
    This was spot on. Made my day. And the comment that these screw with the heads of Indian youth is absolutely right as well.
  • Rickie Khosla
    By
    Rickie Khosla
    09.10.12 09:40 PM
    Aww...Vaibhav, don't miss out on all the other wonderful stuff playing at the multiplex even as you try to avoid the SOTY trailer! I hear KLPD is a damn good movie ;)
  • Vaibhav
    By
    Vaibhav
    09.10.12 08:36 PM
    The trailer is so disgusting I've stopped going to the multiplex that airs it before any new movie screening and found myself another one.

    The actress is nothing short of expressionless and my Bag with a zillion books in it has more expressions than her. Besides, those 2 slimy creatures or so called actors are HORRIBLE dancers.
  • Rickie Khosla
    By
    Rickie Khosla
    09.10.12 04:16 PM
    hehhe...Priyanka, who am I to argue with such poetic words...since all of them are so true? ;)
  • Priyanka
    By
    Priyanka
    09.10.12 02:54 PM
    The instant I saw the trailer of this movie I was like Oh noooo!!!...another one to screw with the heads of Indian youth as if most of them dont have their heads up their a**es already.

Leave a comment